Thanks for posting Tami(helping rachel) before you headed out the door this morning. I'm on my last day off with things to do and it really helped me just now to have contact with another human sharing the path.

I accomplished everything on my list yesterday...but did have to give myself a push to finish. My last task left undone was to go through the process to order my pup's expensive heart meds online. Last month I ran out before I got this done so I was determined to finalize everything. I did, and I set up for autoship so I'll receive his pills every two months for the entire year then I set it up again. credit. It saves $40/month...$480/year. That is substantial and I was encouraged to do this by his vet.cardiologist.

Today I was going to start a new list then my "job" for the morning appeared. DH informed me that a little spring for our very nice coffeemaker was lost in the coffee/laundry/pet room. We looked and couldn't find it but what I did find was that this room was again...very dirty. I decided that it really did need to be cleaned and that perhaps I'd find the spring in the process. 2 hours later the room is spotless and the spring was found. I also found several items I was willing to relocate AND a few I was willing to let go of. credit.

While I was spiffing up the coffeemaker the word that came to mind was
"ownership"
When I take care of what I have I take ownership of my posessions I have chosen to keep. Cleaning in my home is taking ownership, for me.

Today: 1-2-3 Dance :dancer:
1.old clutter-let go of pretty teapot I brought from HK 30 years ago...Put several other non essentials in the thrift box, as well.
2. current clutter-yet to do after a rest
3. clean-laundry/pet room

Hello everyone,
This is such a great thread. A few months ago, I was happily procrastinating living life as it came and then I got a call telling me my brother had passed away. The police man told me that they had gone into his house to get the dog and the dog would be at the animal shelter. When I got up to his City I found out I had to wait until morning to get the dog. I went over to his house and went inside and I could not believe the clutter. He sure was a pack rat. After weeks and weeks of clearing out his house, I realize I do not want to leave this burden for others. I have made a commitment to keep my house in order so that none of our relatives would be going through this. The local agencies were delighted with all the stuff that they received. He even had new items that were purchased months, and even years ago that had not been opened.
I feel overwhelmed and I realize I need to come back to Beck and keep on a path, it is so easy to shut everyone out and just go about your business. I hope this is not to much to ask for your support.
Thank you for this thread, I am sure it is what the doctor would order for me.
Thanks for being here.
Ann

:welcome2:Ann!

First of all, I want to say I am sorry for the loss of your brother. I think it is kind and considerate of you not to want to pass a very cluttered house on to your family. Compassion for the part of your brother that was a hoarder as we don't always understand all that goes into keeping things. I am sure his things blessed many people as you gave the items to agencies that received them.

We are here for support. You are welcome to share your journey and your story . There are beck principles that line up with decluttering so if you know them, share them or as you can see from Debbie's last post, "Ownership" is her new thought. I am writing that down for my card. I want to own and connected to the things of my life that matter.

Each day is about "authoring" our life and "reauthoring parts that we want to change. We need each other to hear us and our journey. It really is about the journey and not the destination.

We don't follow a "set of rules" but you will find that Debbie's 1-2-3 step is a great framework to do the daily steps. It is all about decisions and taking steps.

Feel free to comment or share as little and as much as you like. :)

Debbie: Love your new thought. It is going on my in my Beck Deck. Appreciating and caring for what we have is really Grounding. I am realizing this process is keeping me mindful of my life and the things I want in it.

:dance: Happy Dance on a clean utility room. Do you hire out:joker:

Had a great day at work, surprised that I feel that way. I will post my office picture tomorrow. In process, 80 % done but it about progress not perfection. Have a good night!

Hello Ann (Newlifestyle) and welcome back!

I'm sorry to hear that you are returning in the wake of your brother's passing but anyway I am glad to see you. Whenever/however we return does not matter. The fact that we return is what counts. credit.

You had mentioned more than once that you read here and knew you needed to do some decluttering and now that you are ready we are still here and happy to have you join in.

My own decluttering start came from experience with a family member. I had tried to help my mom for years to no avail. Finally, it happened that while we were all out of town her neighbors got concerned about her...called the police...then the neighbors from both sides and local police went in and looked in every nook and cranny of her house...expecting to find her somewhere. She was embarrassed and I was mortified. I was so ashamed that outsiders had seen what was inside.
It was my lightbulb moment. I had high blood pressure and had recently been hospitalized for 10 days with pneumonia...on a ventilator. I could not change her (and still haven't) but I could change myself. Like you, I did not want my relatives cleaning out/up my stuff.
I am so grateful that I have stepped up and started creating my future..one day at a time.

Take care!

(PS Tami (helping rachel), I do not think I am ready to hire out ;)

Debbie: I joked about hiring out, as you picked up on. But it is a new day for all of us to take care of what is ours.

I was talking with a friend today about her "exiled" part. I told her that even though the resources were not there when she was young, she can call on new resources and help for a part of self that feels powerless. Many people struggle with many things. A little compassion goes a long way for change. It is an inside job.

things moving not always as planned
 

Hi Declutterers/

Such great progress and consistency Lexxiss and Helping Rachel.
And Hi Newlifestyle! Happy to see you again Very sorry to hear about the loss of your brother.

I've done some work in my studio but nothing has progressed here at home It's one or the other for me it seems Never both--or rarely both. I'm really having a tough time getting my footing. I am still super-resistant to following any plan for longer than a day. I'm just not feeling very good or very optimistic, reflected in my weight which will not go below 250 and my home which I am maintaining in this state. I'm not giving up.

Hi!

Checking in....I'm coloring my hair and should be out the door in 15 min. Oops!

onebyone, sorry to hear you are feeling down. I always try to remember, this too shall pass. :hug: What about resuming things very slowly? Just an idea...take it or leave it (as always)
Perhaps a daily 1-2-3
1. Pick one item in your home to put in its regular or new place
2. Pick one item in your home to put in a bag to let go of
3. Pick one item in your home to throw out.
This could take less than 5 minutes and would get you on a plan of daily progress which would add up.
one week-14 items gone and 7 organized
two weeks-28 items gone and 14 organized

My thought...sent with love and support

I gotta get cracking

Today
1. old clutter-put items in thrift box...yesterdays purge still sitting around
2. current clutter-I picked up in kitchen, made bed, folded laundry and opened mail
3. clean-I cleaned upstairs toilet and sink while DH made smoothie

OnebyOne: Sending hugs your way regarding your frustration with home and weight. I am glad you posted and connected. I have ignored most of my clutter for 10+ years, so I do understand the stuckness with making progress.

You are incredibly talented as an artist. I am sure you need lots of supplies to create the different artistic pieces. Can you open up some boxes to see if you can put like items with like items. As you are doing that is there anything in those boxes that you can let go of?

We are here to hear your story and support your experience. Thanks for checking in.

Attachment 43824

Attachment 43825

Attachment 43826

Here is office from cluttered to de-cluttered.

Hello,
Thank you for all the kind words, it has been one of those days, the kind where you have two steps forward, three steps back.
I thought I was doing good and then I went to work and proceeded to have a breakdown, my boss asked me how anyone could help and then the tears started and just wouldn't stop, I then went into a fit of laughter, I am sure it was nervousness and the rawness of being human. I have just been putting one foot in front of the other to fake it until I make it...yikes.
I came home and then the coffee maker broke, I was heating pitas in the oven and they burned, I went to get something out of the car and a lady was letting her dogs poop on my sidewalk, when I mentioned I could get her a bag she told me it was my sidewalk and not her problem, I just wanted to scream.

One by One, I am so sorry you are feeling overwhelmed. Hugs to you.

Helping Rachel, your office looks great.

Lexxis, How does your hair look? I am going to try the 1,2,3, baby steps until I get there,

Have a great night everyone.
Take Care
Ann

Ann, I promise I'm not stalking you.....

For the declutterers:

My house is a horrible mess of stuff, stuff and more stuff. I KNOW I'd feel better about everything if it was orderly.

Can someone give me some quick ideas to get started? It's so overwhelming I don't know where to start.
Thanks
Julia

Welcome Julia!

I would start with baby steps. Look at some of Lexxiss(Debbie)'s post and see her 1-2-3- Dance. It makes it simple and doable.

You will have discomfort with the process at some point. It is part of the experience so I would ask yourself, "Can you have this feeling of _____________, and still take action toward your value of have a clean, organized home?"

I am realizing in my process, I have enjoyed it and hated it, depending on the day. Good luck if this is your intention for change. Feel free to share your process here.

Ann,

I understand the 2 steps forward, 3 back. I think grief is like a tangled ball of emotions and sometimes I didn't know what was going to come up & out and if I could even regulate them. On a raw day, I might have picked that poop up and flug it back at her. I remember when I lost my Mom --I got a call from my daughter's 1st grade teacher. She told me that my daughter poked another student with her scissors. I went up to school as they wanted me to come get her and the principal asked her what was going on. She didn't break the skin of the boy but told the principal that she felt like she was losing her mind since losing her grandma. She felt that boy just got too close to her and she needed space. Then they told me that she was off track and falling asleep. They were aware that she had lost her beloved grandmother. I realized that we were on a roller coaster ride of emotions until we were able to come to terms with the loss. We implemented some time to journal and make a memory album to keep the connection to my mom.

Anyhow, maybe too much information but I do remember the emotional highs and lows of grieving. If you have a trusted counselor that can hold space for you, I highly recommend it. A grief support group could be helpful to hear others language their grief and process. It is nice to know you are not the only one experiencing this sadness or experience. Just my 2 cents.

Good Morning declutterers!

First off...

Tami (helping rachel), Congrats! Your office looks (and feels) spectacular! What an accomplishment to carry through. PS-I acknowledged after looking at your pictures and after processing some things you had said-that my office, too, ends up being a kind of dumping ground and I acknowledge that my office is where I also get lots of things done. I believe it will continue to be a high maintenance room.

:welcome2: both Ann(Newlifestyle) and Julia! Please share your progress..frustrations...anything you wish right here.

Julia, you said, "My house is a horrible mess of stuff, stuff and more stuff. I KNOW I'd feel better about everything if it was orderly." I have a question...do you have too much stuff? Do you have things you no longer want or use? Or, is your horrible mess of stuff, stuff and more stuff all stuff you want to keep and wish it were orderly?
Things to think about....
The reason I ask is that I've been with this process for multiple years now. I came to the Beck forum originally because I saw onebyone's decluttering thread several years ago. I had already decided I wanted to declutter and was often both discouraged and perplexed. In MY process I have found that it is much easier to declutter the items you don't want before you try and organize the things you want to keep. Letting go first frees up space both emotionally and physically and makes the organizing process a bit smaller.

The 1-2-3 which Tami (helping rachel) mentioned was not entirely my creation. The website, Flylady, helped get me started in that direction. She has daily/weekly tasks/chores but I have found it's much easier to work with the support system I have here.
My 1-2-3 is an everyday thing. It helps me establish routine. Whether dieting or decluttering I believe that routine is very helpful.
My 1-2-3 daily is:
1. deal with some old clutter (pitch/thrift/recycle
2. deal with my current clutter (mail/laundry/stuff I leave out instead of putting away)
3. I clean something.

Today:
1. old clutter-find 5 items to pitch or recycle and continue on my old photo project
2. current clutter-picked up around house, took down christmas tree and put it all away in basement
3. clean-I cleaned both down my basement stairs and in the space underneath them before I restored the christmas tree.

My suggestion for getting started with a routine was a simple 1-2-3
1. Pick one item in your home to put in its regular or new place
2. Pick one item in your home to put in a bag to let go of
3. Pick one item in your home to throw out.
This could take less than 5 minutes and would get you on a plan of daily progress which would add up.
one week-14 items gone and 7 organized
two weeks-28 items gone and 14 organized


Anyway, I love hearing from everyone. I'm off to walmart to scan photos will check in later.

Hi All,
Debbie Thanks for the questions you asked Julia, it made me say, hmmm, I need to decide if I am just holding on to stuff for the sake of holding on to it, or what need it fills for me. Thank you for being so supportive.
Thanks for the 1,2,3, those can be a start to my baby steps,
1) folded laundry sitting in a basket from a week ago
2) emptied dishwasher and washed all current dishes
3) took a bag to the Salvation Army.

Julia, please feel free to stalk me...lol, I am glad you are here, it is nice to have people on his journey with me. I think I am so used to do so many things on my own it is nice to have company.

Tami, Thank you for sharing with me. You may only think it is two cents but it is priceless info for me so thank you for sharing. I need to accept help from others, funny how I only realized that recently. I do appreciate your words.

OnebyOne, thanks for your honesty, I hope you can take little steps to get back on track. I know that when feeling overwhelmed, I just shut down and feel like I am not worth it anyway so why bother, as I read all these posts I now know that I will get by with help from all of you. I hope one day I can help you as you have helped me with your honest words.

Thank you to all of you, you are all very important in my journey. I hope one day I am of sound mind and I can help others. Sorry if I am being sappy, I just appreciate you all so very much.
Take Care
Ann

Yay Ann(Newlifestyle) :cheer:

It makes me smile to see another take the step forward. Especially during a difficult time. :hug: How did those baby steps feel? Manageable? I am constantly amazed at the transformation in my home which (mostly) has been accomplished taking those same baby steps day in and day out. P.S. Nice credit thinking about the questions I posted for Julia. One thing I have definitely found is that I worked better starting out with less emotional items and yet now the more emotional ones are much easier to let go of if they fit into the category of "just holding onto it for the sake of holding on to it."

Well today my "old clutter" project became cleaning out my files of the old clutter of 2012 *credit* and making new files for 2013. I took a little extra time and made a new file for the pup and his medications. Tomorrow morning I will sort through several other old files...shred/organize and take all the stuff to the master file in the basement.
A small project which I can easily complete before work.

Newbie
 

Hello all

If you are willing to add more to your group, I would love to join. I was originally looking at Beck and saw this thread. It seems my success at dieting and clutter control go hand in hand. This seems like a great place for support and guidance.

I really struggle with clutter. I am not the most organized person in the world. And my husband is a pack rat. Any removal of anything from the house has to be done behind his back. It makes the whole process more challenging than it already is.

I am wanting to make 2013 count in my life.

Michele

:welcome3:Michele! You can jump in and start wherever you feel lead. We are here to listen to your process and give support along the way. It is nice to have others working toward the same goal. Feel free to ask questions or share insights.

Way to go Ann. Every movement helps to keep things clean and in order. I am glad you could let go of a box to Salvation Army. One less box of "Stuff" to clean or organize. Continue to separate your treasures from the "stuff".

Blessings.

Debbie, thank you so much. I needed a starting point and I can do 1-2-3. I look at the big picture and don't even know where to start. But does doing one thing a day work with everyday clutter? OK, I'm not going to question right now. I can see that taking care of everyday clutter one piece a day would beget taking care of more of the clutter (if that makes any sense). I'm seeing my everyday clutter for example: empty soda cans on all the end tables, sunday paper on the coffee table, dirty dishes on the coffee table, shoes left in the middle of the floor. If I only do one thing a day, it isn't going to be much cleaner. One thing thrown away though, I can see that working.
I have a question...do you have too much stuff? Do you have things you no longer want or use? Or, is your horrible mess of stuff, stuff and more stuff all stuff you want to keep and wish it were orderly?
Answer: I have too much stuff I don't want or need. Duplicates cause I can't find the original. Stuff that could be useful for someone, just not me. Plus the stuff I want and need and can't find because of the other crap.

Anyway, thank you for the starting point. I LIKE IT! I'm not going to question it, I'm just going to do it. No excuses, no rationalizing, no resistance. Simple stuff first, emotional stuff later.
Thank you. I'll start tonight, I'm sure I can find 5 minutes. (maybe more!)

Tami/helping rachel: I've written your statement down on a card. I imagine the most common feeling of resistance is going to be I don't feel like it. Guess what, the other side of the card says? You can spare 5 minutes to do this.
OK, I'll get started and report back tommorrow
Hi Ann, yes it's nice to have the company. Thanks for being here.
Hi Michelle, we can do it together!
Off now 1-2-3
Julia

Julia:

Just a thought. Look around a room and decide what you want in that room. What should be in there functionally. What should be there because it will be the "home" of that item. Start releasing what doesn't belong. Sometimes I play a game with myself and set the timer to see how much I can get done in 15 minutes. I am always amazed at how much I can discard, wipe down and vacuum. Just do something.......

:welcome2: Michelle! Glad you found us!

Julia, I suggested starting with just one item IF this process is something uncomfortable starting out. No, 1 thing a day does not work with everyday clutter. Where it will really make a difference is if you start designating 1..or 2 or 3 items to send to goodwill and/or the trash every single day.
You might find your comfort level for starting out would be:
1. old clutter-5 minutes recycle/thrift/pitch
2. current clutter-5 minutes "what did you not put away yesterday?"
3. clean-clean upstairs bathroom...or another 5 minute chore

As I mentioned, I kind of got my 1-2-3 from Flylady. Her motto is "you are not behind...jump in where you are." It seems by starting somewhere and creating the routine then down the road a week or two you will really start to notice a difference. She really points out the "burn out factor". She says when we try to "catch up" all at once it's too much.

Re Current Clutter: one concept that really helped me was to teach myself (cognitive skills) to skip the middle point. For example, I come in the house and take off my hat, scarf and gloves. I can take them off and set them on the table (clutter) or I can take them off and put them in the drawer. If I put them in the drawer it's done, if I put them on the table there is an added step. If I bring a pop can from upstairs to the kitchen I put it right in recycle instead of setting it on the counter (clutter). I'm still amazed at how many times I catch myself wanting to put something down on a counter/table.

I seem to notice that it's in our nature to want to "clean up." Clean the dishes, clean the toilet, vacuum the rug, etc. but what is not as natural but makes a big difference is taking time to identify items that could be eliminated...thus freeing space...through recycling/thrift store/trash.

I found it great to start cleaning/picking up on a daily basis but I have found a new freedom and happiness by taking items out of my home that don't serve me now.

Hello declutterers!

Today's 1-2-3 :dancer:

old clutter-put relevant photos back in albums, went through files on dresser and took to basement. (20 min)
current clutter-picked up entire house (5 min)
cleaned-(and organized) inside refrigerator (5 min)
30 minutes

Have a great day everyone!

Here is my 1-2-3.

OC: Finish one box, I started last night--- take out trash of 3 full boxes sitting in kitchen.
NC: Go thru one new box.
Clean: Vac basement for Morgan's school meeting on Wed.

welcome everyone
 

Hi There.

Lexxiss reminded me of why I started this thread a year or two ago. I was moving from a three bedroom townhouse, with a basement, to a 2 bedroom apartment, with three closets. I was facing everything on my own. My DH had already started his new job and I was left with everything else. He regualry tod me that it was "all my stuff anyway" when we got into it--which we did casue I was so angry! I had enormous sympathy though for what he was doing and that tempered me most of the time. It was all he could do to succumb to a *harsh* office environment and to drive back and forth 200mi every weekend to come home for a visit and then head back again. Our income, for the first time ever, was high enough that we would need to do our taxes. Huh.

I was sooooo stumped. I have never been a "good housekeeper". Whatever stereotype you can think of for that phrase, I was the opposite and I had ZERO interest in anything to do with that stuff.
I can function in chaos.
I like to see everything I own at all times.
And on top of that, clean clean spaces unnerve me. They feel "scary"...so lots to deal with eh?

Anyway, given all of this I had to figure out a way to approach my task. The Beck Diet Soution gave me tools and the desire to try to move forward in this part of my life as well. Fly Lady was already on my radar too, and her 15minutes of planned cleanup/sorting/decluttering/tossing whatever it is but PLANNED really dovetails nicely with Beck, so what truly helps me and helped me when I had that whole house to deal with, was making a master list and then breaking it down into manageable steps and then breaking that down into what I thought were "ridicuously small steps even a baby could do". I really did that and still do that when I am serious.

I have learned that when someone says "Clean the kitchen" I have no idea what this truly means. How do you go from dishes out everywhere, cupboards poorly used-some empty, some overfull, stuff in them but not what I actually use (just stashed in there-used to be from an emergency clean-up cause someone was coming over) floors looking bad, drawers hard to close cause there is too much stuff in them-so how to go from this to a "clean kitchen"? I decided to work for 15minutes only. I wrote out a detailed plan on a BIG whiteboard. For this example I would ask myself first, before I even started to actually clean anything "what does a clean kitchen mean to me? What is important to me? what would it look like? If my kitchen were what I wanted it to be, what would I want to do in there? How woud it feel when I was in there? " I would write this statement out. This is my "statement of intention". It is my end goal. It is my ideal. It is what I want for this particular space
Right now it needs to do with
1) nothing on the floor
2)sinks clean and empty
3) dishes in the cupboards
4) countertops cleaned = stuff tossed out/wiped down/extra stuff not used often put away in cupboards (NOTE: may need to take a look at the cupboard organization)

I have done these three steps and now know I need to add another and I need to do it soon: clean the major appliances. this means:
1. the stove: clean= wipe down the a) dials on stove
b)stove hood
c)glass top
d)oven door
e)glass in the door
f) clean out the drawer in the bottom of the stove = toss-give away what you don't use/don't want
g)clean inside the oven
So you can see the stove is BIG DEAL to me. Lots of steps.
I can tell you when I decide to do this task I will write this all out on my white board so I can have the PLEASURE of running a line through that task on my list when I am done it. Sometimes I just erase that task off the board leaving he empty space on my whitebaord which is also visually and emotionally satisfying to me. I need to see my progress because it is so easy for me to dismiss what I have actually done. It seems like *so little* given that I have a 7' stack of boxes in the dining room, stuff in the hall, dishes in the sink--whatever. It's just like my weight and my accomplishments. For example: I did an artist residency in February last year in Key West. I was chosen on the strength of my work, by a jury of my peers, and given the gift of a month there to further my work which they deemed valuable and they fully supported it... but I am the same weight I was when I left there. I can't get under that 250 and now, if I go back again, if they let me come back, I will still be fat. I am a failure. See? Really easy to dismiss one by the other. I may be compartmentalizing, but just cause I have a pile of boxes in one room doesn't mean the sink ain't clean and I can't celebrate it. In fact I HAVE TO.

I share all this cause I truly deeply at a soul level know how difficult this is. My weight and my disordered home have been with me since I was a child. I make great strides and move forward and then it's like an internal backlash happens and I just stop dead. I am striving for moderation so I can keep going inbetween the urges to "get something done already". This thread is a GREAT PLACE FOR ME as I see the consistency and the coping and the re-thinking that we all do to deal with this issue which I do believe impacts my weight and my ability to stay on plan. I believe in a plan rooted in success. If all I can do today is clean out that sink or clear off that coffee table ok. *credit moi* But if I make a decision and I know I am doing this within the context of a larger vision for the living room or the kitchen or the goal of a certain ideal living environment in my home, then this "small" step means so much more given that context. I need that. I need to remember that, hence this long message.

Anyway, really long rambling share this morning, but I needed to remember that I too have done this and I too am moving forward and I too know and have skills to approach this. *credit* and THANK YOU ALL for coming here and feeling free enough to share your thoughts on this.

My goals for my place today are:

1. put the shelves into the living room bookcase DONE
2. clear the shelves in the hallway bookcases. DONE
3. open AND DEAL WITH three boxes today from the stack in the dining room *modified this to ONE box which is now DONE
4. get the styrofoam packaging that I shoved into the dining room from some xmas stuff into garbage bags DONE
5.find out where I go (and how much are they) to purchase extra tags for extra garbage bags so the garbage man will take my stuff next garbage day. DONE
6. to do one load of laundry DONE

note: have decided to aim for one box a day. it's enough. *credit

take it with a grain of salt
 

znaoic :welcome3: My DH is a collector. Lucky for him, alot of it is in digital format, but he has boxes of comics, shelves of "classic" video games, vintage movie posters, some toys, some books, computer components. I am NOT ALLOWED EVER to move/remove his stuff. I am a visual artist. I have many mediums I work in. Much of my stuff is now offsite in separate studio space but things that spark me are still here in abundance: books, magazines, artwork, weird things/objects. What I have noticed is I truly do have enough to occupy myself with trying to sort out my own stuff and I leave DH alone. He often comes around to cleaning up on his own when he sees that I am doing it. I know his mom always threw away his stuff behind his back so I only do it in terms of things that are not in any collection. It's too emotionally charged for me to want to go there, especially when my own stuff is not dealt with. I have given him 90% of the back room for his stuff and I take no ownership in its state. What gets me ticked off is *feeling* that I am 100% responsible for all the common areas of the house: kitchen, bathroom, living room, bedroom, hallway. I accept this most days and he never bugs me about it. When I try, he helps. When I ignore it he does too. It's always better when I just accept that I am home a lot more than he is and so I have the opportunity and the energy to clean up more often than he does. And since I spend more time here it gets on my nerves more too. Maybe. Thanks for joining us.

Julia150:welcome3: You wrote this OMG. Thanks so much for sharing this. I never even thought about writing on the back of a card! OMG.:rofl: BRILLIANT! Thanks for sharing.
When I was starting to clean my living room getting ready for our move I broke my space down into quadrants that made sense to me. For example my living room went from A)coffee table = 1) top of table and 2)shelf below it. Then B) stuff between the end of the couch to the wall on the right. Or C) corner of the room beside the tv stand and the wall. If there was a piece of furniture I broke it into shelves, D) tv stand = a) top surface all around the tv b) shelves = 1)4 on the right then 2) 4 in the center then 3)4 on the left c) clean under the tv stand. I would even break down the "4 shelves on the right" if I had to and mark them off. I needed the PROOF for MYSELF that I was making progress. I am *easily* overwhelmed by feelings of despair in regards to household cleanup/decluttering. Somedays are better than others and I don't need all this detailed documentation. Right now I am back there needing this reinforcement. I don't judge this. I notice it and accept it and know it changes over time -- but not if I don't face it. I can only change these old patterns by encounrtering them, by facing them, by acting on my desire to have the house I want and deserve to have. You only get from here to there by going through it. We all must find a way to do the work. Thankfully we can do it together and help each other when we get stuck and encourage those who are lighting the way (Lexxiss! Helping Rachel! a nod to you both;)

Newlifestyle :hug: SO GRATEFUL you are here with us. I *know* what to means to have friends to talk this kind of stuff overwith. It's like one of those "obvious" things that "everyone knows how to do-DUH" what's there to talk about? Well, lots. In my growing up years I was actively discouraged from cleaning with lots of reinforcement of how I couldn't do it right and what I did was re-done in front of me to show me how poorly I had done it. On top of that, this person always took great pleasure at every opportunity of this kind of thing. Eventually I stopped doing any of it. I was also actively discouraged from doing artwork or from even reading books. Look how that turned out? :rofl: Anyway, of course you are sad. You honour your relationship with your brother by the depth of your feelings. I am sad for you as well. You honour him by living a good life as well. *credit* for moving forward and for lookign at your stuff wth new eyes. Thanks for posting.:hug:

:hug:Hugs sent to you OnebyOne. So glad to see you post where you are. I admire your knowledge and understanding of your internal process as related to your external process. I witness the formation of where this .....desire not clean came from. Who wants to hang out with their "inner critic" to do chores that we don't like to do anyway?

I also appreciate you sharing why you started this thread. It is hard to downsize and it is hard to do it by yourself. It just is.

I am here to hear your up's and down's and to support you in your process. I love how you have broken down the steps and that you know what is workable in moderation. Isn't it amazing how much this ties into Beck for weight? I have been on a "No choice" focus on shopping or ignoring small stuff. I have a part that is emerging that says I want to take care of what I have and I have enough.

I think it is wise to honor that part of us that needs pleasure after we have done something that isn't that pleasurable. Using the distraction technique from Beck that doesn't involve food or red wine for me.

Anyhow, I sent you a pm ....I will share my internal discovery and the power that has shifted and what part of me was protecting me from changing if you want to know. If that isn't helpful to hear my story, no problem.

I am glad to see you here! Credit! Glad to see a plan! Credit Glad to hear of your creative giftings and admiration from peers for being awarded to go to Key West! Credit---True Self shared. (Sure don't have that gift;)

I am glad that you started this thread or we won't be sharing our process. Credit!

I am done for the day. I am here struggling as my brother's dog passed away today. The vet thinks she was so lonely without him. I am coming here to confess I did eat over this. A package of toffifee. It did not make me feel better. I am just very overwhelmed and emotionally drained. Please forgive me if I don't post. I will try to but no promises.
Take Care

:hug: Ann: Sending hugs your way for the loss of your brother's dog. Another loss can make your brother's loss come back in a fresh way. We will hold space for you, so don't feel pressure to post or not post. We are here to listen and support your journey.

Condolences,
Tami

Everyone: I am working on a computer with a hiccup but I want to post quickly.
I am so glad I found this thread, my house chaos goes hand in hand with my weight, I'm glad I can work on both and I appreciate all of your combinded wisdom.
Yesterday
New clutter: recycled pop cans laying around
Old clutter: Can't remember but I know there was one (must not have been to big, but I did SOMETHING
Clean something: Washed dishes and loaded dishwasher

JuliaLearningNewSkills!

Julia: How was the 1-2-3- dance? Is it doable? Some women on the thread have read Peter Walsh's book "Does this clutter make my butt look fat?". I think he shares the tie in with weight and clutter.

I had a stare down with the dishwasher yesterday thinking someone else can unload and I shouldn't have to since I shopped and cooked dinner. I played this game to see how long it would take and it took me 4 minutes to unload it. Sometimes I spend more energy not doing a task than doing it. I am trying to change that groove. Noticing and Naming my process is helping.....now to neutralize it to make best decisions for me......===Lifelong task.

Work today,

oc---pulled 20 items out of the closet that I don't use, wear or want. Bagged and put in back of car.
nc----Sunday paper and junk mail. separate and let go.
clean- kitchen floor. yuk!

I am paranoid about going to grocery store. Health Department reported 863 cases of flu reported last week. This compares to the number of 340 same time last season. I guess it is what it is, I have to go anyway....

Hi declutterers!
This morn I wasn't able to access Internet from home....now I am at work on iPhone...hence no novels or personals.

I started the company books this morning...it already feels more organized than last year . Credit.

Old clutter-is the 2012 paperwork!
Current clutter-picked up and put away....even one photo that didn't make it back to its album on Sunday...put away dishes, took trash/recycle out and made bed.
Clean-nothing yet
Bbl

Hello,
Just checking in, I will be back, I know I will.
Thanks for supportive suggestions and thoughts.
Take Care
Ann

I really wanted to respond to others' posts yesterday but I'm not that adept at iphone typing. My internet seems fine this morning.

Ann(Newlifestyle), thanks for taking the energy to let us know you'll be back. Intention is important and other steps you are taking during this difficult time are sure to help you day by day. :hug:

Julia, love that you are open to giving some daily effort to your decluttering tasks. JuliaLearningNewSkills! Love it!

Tami(helping rachel), yay for finding more items to take from a closet and finding the energy to get them all the way to the car. I appreciated hearing your commentary about unloading the dishwasher...timing it and recognizing it takes more energy to "not do a task". I agree wholeheartedly.

onebyone, I have read your post many times in the past few days and I still remember how difficult your move was. Because of the circumstances of your DH's new job you were left to accomplish a gigantic task all by yourself. I shared with you at that time parts of our move from Alaska where we did pretty much the same thing-pack before being able to "process" our "stuff". Because we moved into a larger place it was much easier to stuff everything in closets, basements, sheds, porches, workshops….but it was still the same old "stuff". I am happy to say it feels good to be going through everything on a daily basis now and letting go.
My DH is also a collector. I don't touch his stuff at all and have really worked at emotionally detaching from "his stuff". I don't even suggest he go through his stuff...not one word. When I come across something that is rightfully his I put it in his "area" and leave it's process to him. That stuff never comes down to the thrift box and I don't expect it to.
I, too, get aggravated from time to time that the effort in our home is mostly my effort. I have noticed that in small ways he is participating more in the daily process which fuels me to keep going and to keep my mouth shut.
You mentioned not knowing what cleaning is. I can relate there, too. Growing up we didn't ever learn what that meant and my recollection of cleaning was when my dad would get pi**ed off at all the stuff and just start pulling it out of the garage..into the car and to the dump. He was sick of it and got to the point he didn't care what he threw away.
I am learning that I can change that. I can mindfully sort through my possessions and make sound decisions about what is important to keep and what is not. By taking all the items out of my kitchen cupboards that I never use I can make space for the things that matter AND when I get rid of the extra stuff in the cupboards AND put the useful stuff in them I can learn how to keep my countertop clean. The key words for me are I can learn.
One thing that has helped me to "let go" of the stuff I just don't use (but my mind still says "this is useful") is to acknowledge that if I let go now and send that item away that it will be okay to acquire that item again if I find out later that I want it. Truthfully I can say that of all the many things I have sent out of my home there has not been one thing so far that I haven't been able to live without.
Anyway, I've got to get rolling this morning but I am so grateful you are here and we will keep moving forward together.
My motto today LIVE, LOVE, LEARN, CHANGE

Today's 1-2-3 :dancer:

old clutter-I brought a small box home from work yesterday and have placed 3 items in it this morning-thrif
current clutter-traveling later today and will pick up 100% before I go
clean-I will vacuum the downstairs.

Thanks, Tami(helping Rachel), for a powerful quote which really puts into words how I feel when I get up every morning and make a daily commitment NOT to save my home TODAY....or to make a lengthy list which is unattainable....but to do my simple 1-2-3- :dancer: which is easy, manageable and very empowering. Everyone I know is already commenting how fast this year is already going and it is very powerful for me to acknowledge that with my baby steps I create eternal ripples as quickly as the time passes .

Sitting waiting for mom after a nice drive to WhFoods for honey tangerines...two enjoyed while I drove in the sunshine. Wow, as I drove I noticed by all the businesses how we are constantly and blatently encouraged to buy buy buy consume consume consume. I truly desire to step away from that loop both with food and possessions.

Manageable and Moderate. Good things to think on. I so agree about the hoodwink of the marketing ploy of American. If you buy this .....you will be ........if you have this.....you will........ Ba hooey. I bought very little for my children this year for Christmas. We had one of the best Christmas's ever. We worked together and made Lasagna to take to my extended family. It was a 5 part process that involved everyone doing something to make this come together. This is what we will remember.....decorating the tree, sitting in front of the fire, making dinner to take to my family of 16 in Illinois. Not the stuff... I didn't fill stockings or do extras. On my 50th birthday, my kids said the greatest things that I have taught them were compassion and how to love. Beautiful gift that weren't wrapped.

Your Honey Tangerines sound delightful. I am off to the store to get berries and more vegetables. I am picking up momentum with eating and exercising on plan since the first of the year. I don't miss that baggage either!!:rofl::rofl:

Hello everyone,
Thank you for all your kindness and compassion. I appreciate you all.
I am taking baby steps. I know it is a long road but with baby steps it is doable.
I went for a walk today. I have been on plan so far today.
I loaded the dishwasher, got three bags to donate and that is it so far.
I will keep posting, fake it til I make it.
Have a wonderful day.
Take care
Ann

Ann(NewLifestyle), in my book 3 bags to donate is not faking it until you make it that is dancing :dancer: Take care :hug: