Beck Diet For Life/Solution – January 2013 – Support, Discussion, Buddy/Coach

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  • IBelieveInMe and Julia - CONGRATS on the great progress this past week - whoohoo! Keep on keepin' on!

    Beth - What a great preparation for your party - I'm looking forward to hearing how wonderful it all went.

    Have had an OP day today - and felt great about it. Then I was cleaning in my closet and found my new zip off hiker pants and pulled them on. And struggled to button them. Even with my tummy sucked in. What a disappointment. SO, goal for March is to be back in them and ready for our first camping trip this spring (whenever it is...) But now I feel like such a failure. I was high then, and I've let it go even further.
  • Saturday check in

    Had a great day yesterday. Walked for about 4 hours viewing the Frieda and Diego exhibit at the Art Gallery of Ontario. The exhibit is closing tomorrow so I just made it under the wire. On top of this I used the subway to get there and did this for the first time ever without DH. I was with a new ceramic guild friend who moved back to Canada after being away for 10years: 2 in Paris and 8 in China. She is more fearless than I am these days so I buddied up with her and came home feeing WAY better about living here. Getting downtown was a breeze once I get myself to the end/the top of the subway line. *credit for all that*

    I was exhausted once I got home and we missed lunch and then I felt like only a light dinner but I ended up eating more *substantially* at a later hour: 9:30pm. My eating times are out of whack. And old bad "diet mentality" patterns are re-appearing. Like I ate light yesterday and was hungry and then thought "I ate so light and did so much I can have this stuff" and so I did even though I probably could have gone to bed the way I was feeling.... but actually, writing this, I don't know if I could have. I am assuming NO as I did eat, but I think I ate more because DH suggested I eat.

    And today I went out super early to the guild to do a chore I've been putting off of a couple of months. I went out without eating and came home and then we didn't eat for a few more hours and then it felt like breakfast was lunch (I ate my first meal at 11:50am) and then we had dinner at 6:30 and I had seconds. And it was takeout cause I couldn't face cooking today. DH is still sick with the flu that will not go away so the whole house feels heavier than normal. I had planned to do some clay stuff at home as I brought my material back here with me but in the end I was just *tired*. I think I am fighting off a cold bug.

    Anyway, I write all this just to note I need to get a grip on my food scheduling. What I am wrestling with is this:

    I want to lose weight FAST
    If I workout or do lots of exercise I wil lose weigh FAST
    If I don't eat then I will lose weight FASTER
    ... (insert a few hours here when I should be eating something)...
    I decide I *should* eat and then I overeat.
    Then I think "you ruined it. you won't be losing anything this week even though you got a lot of exercise in"

    I think this thought pattern has been with me for decades. It's SUPERsabotaging. I need to turn it around before it gets going.
  • onebyone: Aren't we all capable of sabotaging thoughts? I can think of some possible self-responses; I'm sure others will come up with additional ideas (since I'm new to this)

    I want to lose weight FAST
    If I workout or do lots of exercise I will lose weigh FAST
    We all want to lose weight fast, but that's now how weight loss works. When I've lost weight, will it really matter how fast I lost it? My goal is to lose weight and be thinner and healthier--however long that takes.

    If I don't eat then I will lose weight FASTER
    I've shown over and over again that this doesn't work for me. Maybe it works for some people, but it doesn't work for me. I regulate and control my food best when I eat regularly. I will eat three smaller meals [and snacks] and that will let me control my eating so that I can lose the weight I want to lose.

    Then I think "you ruined it. you won't be losing anything this week even though you got a lot of exercise in"
    I didn't ruin it. Sure, I slipped up. But this is one day. I can eat well the rest of today and all of tomorrow. I can eat to plan as well as exercise and I'll lose the weight the way I want to.
  • Here's my after party report:

    I'm calorie counting, but not to a specific plan, using myFitnessPal to track. I balance my calories throughout the day, and focus on fresh veggies, but eat meat and carbs. Today, at the party, I went 268 calories over. Because of what people brought, I didn't even heat some of what I planned to serve, and I had some of the brie puff pastry that someone brought.

    However, 268 calories isn't that many over. It is way less than I normally would eat at one of our parties. I drank diet soda instead of alcopop, so that's even less there. 268 more than planned is still a 'weight loss' number--it's not even as high as maintenance.

    Because I do like chips and things, I put all the open chips in a bag and sent it home with one of our guests. The uneaten cookies will go to work Monday. (Some guilt because it makes other people deal with the temptation.)

    So, I made it through, and pretty unscathed. Next weekend, we're going to a weekend long party where there will be non-stop food. I'll have to work on my strategy for that.

    On the non-food part, it was a fun party. We played a bunch of games, chatted a lot, and everyone seemed to have a great time.
  • Now for Some Personals
    VioletDolphin83: Welcome!

    veganasaurusrex: You said that lots of sabotaging thoughts are stopping you from getting through all of the steps. What types of thoughts are you having? Which steps have been the most difficult for you? I, too, notice resistance to some of the principles. My tips for eating slowly and mindfully are to first make yourself sit down to eat. Then, focus on the flavor and texture of the food and put your fork down in between bites to make the meal last longer (so that your brain has time to recognize that you are full). Finally, do not put another bite in your mouth until you are finished with the first one.

    Julia150: I am so happy to hear that you made an appointment with a counselor! Much CREDIT to you for that and for participating in the clutter group, too! I wish you much success with your counseling! You are doing the right thing by reaching out for help.

    Newlifestyle (Ann): CREDIT to you for reaching out to a counselor as well! I hope you will find it very helpful.

    bethFromDayton: That is so great that you "feel more confident about this path than (you) ever have before!" You are doing so well! Keep up the good work!

    Tazzy: Tracking my food is helping me, too. Yes, it makes me think twice before putting any bites into my mouth. Also makes me realize how all of my "little" snacking was adding up to too many calories.

    Beverlyjoy: What type of performer are you? I loved your Think Thin Thursday tip! I am making a response card out of it. Thanks for sharing!

    onebyone: Your workouts "with Francesco" sound so....... exciting and mysterious! What does this "Francesco" look like?!? Do tell! You mentioned that you used to be a writer. My daughter (who has Spina Bifida) loves to write and is quite talented at it. Any tips for encouraging her writing? Why did you find it to be so lonely? Just curious.

    maryann: I absolutely LOVE your image of "mental gymnastics" when faced with a trigger food! If I could lose a pound for each time I "exercise" my mental gymnastics, I'd be super thin!!! I hope your ankle is feeling a bit better by now. Take good care of yourself!

    Bootedkitty: Way to go on walking every day at lunch time and swimming twice last week!!! That is great! I love your wish for all of us to have a "sabotaging thoughts-less weekend!"

    nationalparker: About your snacking when DH works nights: Could you try to break the association by linking another self-care behavior to him working nights? A warm bubble bath? Soothing music? A walk around the block with a friend? Please know that you are NOT a failure!!! You just had a relapse. We can all relate. Just start right where you are ~ now ~ and take things one day, one meal, and one workout at a time. Remember that it is about PROGRESS, and NOT perfection. You will get there!!!

    BigchiefDavid: That is great and must be so helpful that your wife is doing Beck, too!

    BillBlueEyes: Just curious: What are you doing PT for? I hope all is well with you!
  • Good Evening!
    Hey Coaches and fellow Becksters,

    I shopped for new jeans today with strict instructions from DW: straight leg, dark blue or recessed and not baggy. I pulled it off and got a bargain too, which is good because--yes, this might be a little overly positive fortune telling--I doubt they fit in a month. Credit moi.

    I went swimming again today, and I'm setting a slower pace than previously. This allows me to keep going with fewer rest stops and puts me into a meditative state. Very enjoyable. We ate out tonight, but it really wasn't too challenging. I ate mindfully, enjoyed the food thoroughly and was satisfied. Nowadays, I'm impressed when restaurants serve moderately-sized portions; makes life easier.

    The beginning of the week brought some difficult days with eating off plan (or no plan to be perfectly honest) but the new CBT techniques and this board helped me keep going. Tomorrow, we're going with the kids to an asado (Argentinian BBQ), and I will fill up a box of response cards to get ready for it.

    Nationalparker: you'll get there and those pants will look and feel great when you're hiking in them. Very jealous of your brisk walks with your dog.

    BBE: starting a yoga class at my wife's PT clinic next Thursday night. Not a bad idea to have a PT at the scene when attempting to twist myself into mindful pretzel.

    I hope everybody has a successful weekend.

    Until that time...
  • Sunday
    Diet Coaches/Buddies – DW and I saw the movie, Amour. WOW - really moving. I don't recommend it for anyone over 50 because the reality is too personal to watch. I don't recommend it for anyone under 50 because it's just painful. Be warned that going is like being whacked upside the head with a two by four.

    I no longer eat movie popcorn, but was drawn by the sign promising FREE refills. Are you supposed to get up during the movie disturbing the crowd, walk to the line at the refreshment center while missing the movie, and return to disturb the crowd again? What if everyone did this? What is the probability that everyone will go at approximately the same time since they're eating popcorn at about the same rate? How long will the wait at the refreshment stand be then? Elsewhere, I had the opportunity to snack on some good cheeses and crackers along with some dark-chocolate dipped cookies. Both of these are among my favorite things. They weren't on my plan. I also knew that if I started, I'd feel permission to continue to nibble. So, I just said, Not About Me, and continued talking to my friends. CREDIT moi.

    onebyone – My goodness - you don't visit an art gallery, you consume it. Kudos for all the walking. And SUPER Kudos for recognizing those "SUPER sabotaging" Thoughts. By-the-by, do you know that Canada just minted a new C$20 bill with a maple leaf on it . . . an invasive Norway Maple leaf instead of the cherished Sugar Maple leaf?

    maryann - Wowed by "idiosyncratic sensibilities and a mordant sense of humor" - what a nice thing to say.

    BigchiefDavid – Kudos for the self confidence to do a little "positive fortune telling." Good luck with that Argentinian BBQ. It's difficult for me to face boundless meat at a restaurant even though I can go to a friend’s house and not try to eat everything on his grill. LOL at having Physical Therapy backup for your yoga.

    nationalparker – Farmer's scramble does sound "scrumptious ." [Leg feeling closer to normal; walking is OK for about two miles before the ankle tires. PT says I'm right on track. Thanks for asking.]

    Beth (bethFromDayton) – Terrific success at your party - Kudos for sure.

    IBelieveInMe2 – I've arranged my environment by putting the stuff that tempts me out of sight. It helps me to have to go dig out my DW's trail mix rather than just dip into a visible bowl. We used to keep M&M's on the living room mantle and I'd dip each time I passed. Does your DD play ice sled hockey or inline sled hockey? [My Physical Therapy exercises stretch the Range of Motion (ROM) for my foot and stress lifting myself. I particularly like standing on one foot with my eyes closed because I'm lousy at it, LOL.]

    Julia (Julia150) – Yep, Kudos for "you stayed OP all week, good job" - it's so easy to denigrate our due credits with the word "expected."

    Readers -
    chapter 3
    How Thin People Think

    Have you ever wondered why you can't lose weight or keep off the weigh you've lost? You certainly know many people who don't struggle with eating the way you do. Are you different? You probably are, but not necessarily for the reasons you think. Consider the following questions:
    • Do you sometimes eat even when you're not really hungry? In other words, can you easily tell the difference between being hungry and just wanting to eat?
    • Are you sometimes concerned that you might not have an opportunity to eat?
    • Do you sometimes eat past the point of mild fulness?
    • Do you fool yourself about your eating? In other words, do you sometimes tell yourself that it "won't matter" if you eat a small piece of something you're not supposed to eat?
    . . .. . .

    Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., The Beck Diet Solution (Pink book), pg 33.
  • Hi Coaches!

    I stuck with my plan yesterday and *poof* weight was down this morning. credit. Yesterday's plan is still written on paper and I'm going to follow it again. It's alot easier w/o DH. It DID occur to me that I don't always have to eat the same supper that I prepare for him. Will meditate on that.

    BillBlueEyes, I always love when you say "Not About Me". Great job putting it into practice.

    BigchiefDavid, lots of credits...tweaking to find an "enjoyable" swim. Yay for finding CBT techniques to get back on track!

    IBelieveInMe2, yay for WL as a result of your working really hard for it! Regarding "arranging your environment"….I, too, have a cupboard for DH's many snacks. I rarely open those cupboards except when I restock. I also have "my cupboard". It's a place he never looks and I put my healthier options there. I had previous frustration when he would eat all my approved snacks leaving none for me. I do take extreme measures if something is causing me problems. I'm actually going to pitch some ice cream that has been around awhile. I don't need it's space in my freezer or my head right now.

    BethfromDayton, such a strategy for success...sending all the opened chips home with others and making a Monday plan for cookies! Kudos for thinking about your next weekend strategy now.

    onebyone, yay for lots of exercise with the added benefit of feeling much better about where you live. I relate to the old diet patterns. My rule I try to never break is I don't leave the house before having breakfast. It seems to help me to keep the rest of my meals more on track during busy times.

    nationalparker, keep up the good work! You'll be in those hiker pants comfortably before long!

    Julia, kudos for WL...for giving yourself credit and for countering the sabotaging thoughts surrounding your weightloss.

    MaryAnn, yay for staying in your Zone and for recognizing how it affects your hunger levels.

    Kitty(Bootedkitty), thanks for positive wishes and kudos on 600 grams gone!
  • Good Morning, Coaches.

    DH and DS went up to the cabin so I can continue to revise my theses. I am still on my self imposed schedule. Somedays it feels like I am just wasting me time with silliness, sometimes it feels too hard to finish. I told myself today "Enjoy the quiet steadiness of this day given to me." i know it sounds strange but sometimes I feel tremendous guilt about my life being so good--I could be working in the salt mines of India for 12 hours (or something like that.) The truth is the guilt and the overwhelm help nobody. So much of this is tied to being raised in an Alcoholic home. I have survivor's guilt that my life isn't crazy. I have trouble relaxing when there is no drama because drama is normal. Also, drama gives me "permission" to eat like I want to eat.

    The solution is to allow myself to be quiet even when QUIET makes me anxious. Eventually,if I stay OP, take care of the business of the day step by step, and give credit to myself, I will settle into peace. Yesterday (for 30 minutes) I hopped off plan with a pack of Reese's. I know I was experiencing the emotions I just described. But I have been back OP for over 12 hours now. The day is planned, my weight is one pound below ticker and I am excited for the day to come.

    Julia150: As you can see by reading my posts, the ramifications of unhealthy families last a lifetime. I am no longer a child but I feel the childhood disappointment of having a father with limited emotional capability. Be gentle with your self. No feeling is ever wrong. Imagine a little girl and how vulnerable she is. That is how vulnerable you are. What would you say to that sad little girl?
    IBelieveInMe2: About environment. I did struggle with a little about what to buy and serve my boy and husband. I won't be a good "cook" if I don't do white pasta, white bread, white rice etc... (It just tastes better, right?) In the end, I came to a compromise. I only make healthy, balanced meals. If I have white rice, I have a fruit and a veggie as well. I cut way back on red meat (for a farmer husband it was a big deal) I count in my head how many fruits and veggies DS has had in a day. I don't have any unhealthy snacks in the house unless someone has baked something, then I keep them in the freezer and stick one in my boy's lunch. I have a long standing rule--if I begin to compulsively overeat something I immediately (even if there is almost a whole bag left) pour dishwashing soap on it and throw it away. ( I learned this from Beverleyjoy). I knew I must be brave and do things differently than "other moms." DH has a history of diabetes in his family and is overweight. Chances are DS will have to fight food at some point in his life since both parents have had to. As a result of all my decisions, I am happy to say DS is a terrific eater--loves fruits and veggies, will try anything and stops eating a bowl of ice cream if he gets full. Yay for our team!
  • Good Morning Everyone!

    I didn't realize it had been 4 days since I posted. Really busy at work with 3 big events yesterday. Had a good week OP, tracked everything, even the small bites when I thought they didn't matter. Down 1.2 today so I was able to add another 5 pound sunny face to my tracker!

    I've been thinking alot about cleaning out my pantry, it's a disaster zone right now and I have the desire to do it today so I'm going to make this posting short and start working on that before I lose my initiative.

    I'll try to get back later for personals. Now that the NHL hockey is back on I should be able to get to use the desktop computer as DH will be watching games in the other room.

    Happy Sunday!
  • OnebyOne I say all the things you do, lose weight FAST, try to do much more exercise that I EVER do (that never lasts) Eat less, lose fast and end up the same place I always have. I wish I had some advice for you. Beth had some good responses.
    BillBELoved your recommendation for Amour, it sounds like a movie I should avoid. I don't need to be any sadder than I am. The free refill popcorn is such a marketing ploy, how many people want to walk out of a movie to get more popcorn. If very many people did it movies would be so disrupted. We went to Zero Dark Thirty on friday night. I don't know how I feel about it. I am not tolerating so much violence well anymore. Hard to find a movie without it. Kudos for skipping the unneeded snacks.
    Tazzy Congrats on another 5! And staying with your plan.
    NationalParker I'm so sorry about your disappointment about the hiking pants. I know how that feels. But.....1)you can at least get the pants on 2)You are going in the right direction to wear them comfortably 3) I'm sending you a hug
    Lexxis It's hard to stick to your plan when you have to make 2 meals. I have an easier time when I only have to deal with my own meals. DH and DD worked together last night on their dinner while I did my thing seperately. Kudos on the successful day!
    Beth- Congrats on a successful party! Kudos for giving yourself credit for having a reasonable amount and not beating yourself for going over your plan! For me that would be a big deal. I'm really good at beating myself up if I don't do something "perfectly"
    Dave- Good idea with buying bargin jeans, they'll be falling down next month. Envious of your swimming routine. Keep up the plan.
    MaryanneThank you for your thoughtful advice. I'm sorry that you grew up in chaos. I admire your recognition for what issues it left you with and finding a way to peace. I grew up in a home with 2 parents who didn't know how to show much affection. I don't think my mother hugged me after I was little until I was much older. In fact, it's still pretty rare and uncomfortable for her. The only time I remember my dad hugging me was when I graduated HS. I know both my parents loved me and I also know that they didn't know how to express it. I can recognize the things they did that expressed their love but it's not the same as overt affection and verbally. Oh well, there's nothing I can do about that but let my kids, husband, extended family know that I love them in no uncertain terms. I was lucky to marry into a family that gives and shows their love in no uncertain terms. Enjoy your peaceful quiet weekend.
    IBeleiveInMeArent' you the one who earlier said you usually eat standing up? If so, you are really working at it and doing well. Kudos!

    All about me in next post
  • Yesterday was a day off of the JC preplanned meals. I didn't eat breakfast until late (no appetite). So I planned an evening meal to fulfill my calorie limit. I had 2 pieces of pizza and a large green salad. I cooked a whole pizza AND ONLY ATE MY 2 PLANNED PIECES <happy dance!!> The rest went into the fridge for DH and DD to have today. I cut the pizza into small pieces and enjoyed every bite.
    Bad news: The counselor I tried to make an appointment with hasn't returned my call. I'll try again tomorrow.
    Good news: 1)I got a call from an old friend last night and talked to her for 1.5 hours about everything. She's married to a relative and knows all about my family. She is wonderful to talk with.
    2) I was down .5 pounds today staying within my calorie limit albeit not a very balanced menu.
    3) Some beloved family will be returning to the area from across the country in a few months. Even though they are still a few hours away driving, I am very happy.
    4) DH and I are going to take a 4 day weekend away to a sunny place in February. (if all works out)

    I have no appetite today. I just couldn't make myself eat so I drank a protein shake. I am going to be gentle with myself, it will get better.

  • Quick check in before I head over to the asado (bbq). To combat my sabotaging thought of wanting to eat an entire cow at this event, I'm simply changing the name and raison d'etre for the party. "Although I'll be tempted to stand near the grill and mindlessly overeat, the party is for Marshall (my four-year-old son) and my job is to chase him around and snap as many cute photos as possible with my new camera. If I do that, I'll stick to my diet plan and I'll be a good dad."

    Let's see if that works.

    Until that time, Coaches and Fellow Becksters...
  • Throughly enjoying my Sunday - knowing that I'm on holiday tomorrow as well. No Sunday night work stress creeping in. It's so apparent, that now I realize I need to deal with that on a regular Sunday. I can't lose even part of a day off, thinking about the return to work and what that holds on Monday.

    OP day today! Tried a new recipe for dinner (DH is working his last night, so I made it up midafternoon so it'd be all ready in fridge) and put it all through a recipe calculator to count it correctly. It came out wonderful (mini bbq cheddar turkey meatloaves). Normally I won't touch meatloaf with a pole, but DH does a great one and I figured I could try to make a different turkey one. Success. Hope he likes it, too, as I'll make again. Went light at lunch and did some meal prep for later in the week. I swear I'd be a happy 1950s mom complete with apron, heels and pearls Mrs. Cleaver. Don't judge me - ha!

    Now to stick to my plan for the rest of the night! And haul out that yoga mat during Downton Abbey.
  • Hi coaches... checking in. Have had a busy weekend. On Saturday my mom came over for pizza. I had only two squares and some salad.

    Today some friends (and former neighbors) came over. Our one friend has recently had heart surgery. So, I had some healthy turkey soup, veggies & dip, strawberries and lite cool whip. When they got to our house his wife brought the fixin's for this potatoes baked with cheese, onions, black beans, etc. We were watching the football playoffs. My friend who had the heart surgery wanted chicken wings from the sports bar not too far away. "Say what?" - I am thinking to myself. What about my healthy food. It turns out that he had a valve fixed and doesn't really need to worry about fats, etc. His cholesterol is 145 and all other labs are fine. Who knew?? (Not me). I did eat a portion of the potatoes and veggies. No one wanted the turkey soup. Oh well. Kind of strange.

    Glad tomorrow is Monday and I'll be back in more of my 'food comfort zone'... if there really is such a place.

    Ibelieveinme - I am a performing artist that tells stories in the oral tradition (no books), puppets and singing children's songs too. Very joyful.

    Hope you had a good weekend.