consequences no matter how you cut it.
 

Hi Coaches

Well the only child of DH's father who thought she might go see him before he dies has decided to pass on that opportunity. She said this morning "I'm not going to put msyelf through that". DH was not-so-secretly pleased that the three biological children of that man have all decided to pass on the death side visit. What does that tell you?

I am forced to accept everyone's position on this event. There are reasons for their actions here. They were all made super-unwelcome by the second wife. The father entered a heavy religious cult. Thye were to conform or else and they did not. So they were out. I didn't realize but the father had two other kids, both brought into the second marriage. He adopted one, not the other, whose father is still living and in touch with his son--at least 20+ years ago when this was all current events. DH summarized this whole chapter by "OK so you get the news that you're dying and so you make the bucket list of who to say what to and we weren't on it. So f u 2." Can't argue with that.

I am *sad* though that this is how that will end. A united front by turning away is not what I would wish for them. But it's not my deal. Here I am, at times CONSUMED by my desire to help others, not just family, but to dig deep and help, and I never want people to ... what? be mean. I feel like this is ultimately *cruel* - understandable, yes, but cruel. They get the last say, as all of those who continue to live do, but what? Is this right? Cruelty met with cruelty is not my answer to things. I am too other focused and was trained to be that way so even my own reasoning is suspicious. I could use a bit more self-preservation instinct. Anyway. I do hope someone goes to the funeral. I would like to go, curiosity is a big factor here. But I leave these decisions up to DH.

Ate some choclate coins I got for my birthday from MIL this morning. Not too willing to not eat that stuff today, but, thankfully, that's the last thing of that sort in my environment. WW tomorrow. Will have to take the lumps my behaviour will show on the scale. Is ok. I am a) not that number on the scale and b) it all changes therefore no number is permanent.

Finally making progress on these two canvases that have stumped me. #1 is almost done--#2 is very similar so it bodes well to be finished by tonight which is my goal.

UPDATE: got the call that DH's father died. DH continues to say he's not going to the funeral. Siblings may yet go. I did encourage DH to take the time away from work that is offered to him re: bereavement. He wasn't going to but I think it seems weirder to not take it, given people know your father is dying, than to take it. Plus I am suspicious of his reaction and I would rather he take the time off and if he is truly ok, he could use the time to relax. He's been pretty stressed out. So he sent the email and he won't be in until Monday. He may yet be called upon for family support of siblings so I think it's the right thing to do. Weird that the death of a parent is so emotionless and more calculated than organic gut reaction. I think I may be more sensitive due to the fragility of my mother's situation and my constant awareness of it.

I did manage to complete the paintings I set out to today to about 98% complete. The skin tones need tweaking and the big rock in one of the paintings needs to look more rock-like--the other rock needs a bit more definition. I'll finish them up in the morning and let my client know. He'll be happy to hear they DID get done before xmas. One more commission to go: a rendering of Jimi Hendrix for a teen. Fun! (and I could use some fun about now...)

Thanks for listening.

It really sounds like you're stuck in a tough situation emotionally. The mental things going on would drain the energy out of me. It makes you wonder, if someone DID go to visit him at his bedside, would he turn them away as a last "push/insult"? That would be so very hurtful. It makes you wonder why we as humans play all these headgames and emotional games with each other. Good luck with WW tomorrow. It's just data. You're right.

Did well at lunch today - turkey sandwich - and left half my bun and 1/3 of the small order of fries. Now to have that be the ONLY indulgence today. Credit. I need to plan dinner now that I know what lunch was out - no idea if she was going to pick a spot. In the end, I picked a locally owned spot that has small servings and felt good about that. Fries are DEFINITELY a treat, and I savored them.

Trail walk this evening, and then christmas prep. Have a great one!

Good Afternoon
 

Hey Coaches and Pals,

I thought I was going to start the actual diet yesterday, but as my better and more intelligent half told me, it was better to go through the days of the book I missed because of my temporary insanity. So, today I am monitoring my hunger, which is somewhat illuminating. When I actually think and pay attention to my hunger, I find that I am satisfied with less food (eating slower and at the table help as well). Great stuff and credit, credit, credit.

BTW, I've actually started my diet anyway although I'm not to the point of recording my food. It's pretty simple and taken from Michael Pollan's "In Defense of Food." Eat food, not too much, mostly plants.

Enjoy the day and until that time....

Hi Coaches!

We traveled early this morning and I've followed my plan so far today. credit for weighing over there and credit for getting to the store to get the battery for the scale here. OP, today, because I resisted all urges to go out for lunch and ate, instead, at home. I set up an appointment with a friend to exercise at the pool so I'm headed out soon.

onebyone, it is sad to hear that someone is dying and your response is due to your sensitive nature. Kudos to you for understanding that this is not your decision and respecting DH and his siblings. Take care of yourself during this time.

Thor's Day
 

Diet Coaches/Buddies – Boring is good. I could get used to typing a boring report to say that I ate on plan yesterday, CREDIT moi. The big deal was an early evening Christmas Party. There were three tables of top shelf food in one room where I ate enough to be satisfied, but not enough to feel like I was stuffed, CREDIT moi. Venison terrine was new for me as was pumpkin hummus; I had a small serving of each. This is an annual party where I've seriously over indulged in the past. Another room had two tables of desserts; I had exactly NONE, CREDIT moi. As I looked at the delectables dipped in dark chocolate, I didn't want one . . . I wanted a handful. It was a serious signal that my brain is still triggered by mounds of food to think more, more, more. I looked forward to coming home to my planned California Navel Orange . . . which was terrific.

Exercise was a walk to test the leg (disguised as an errand), CREDIT moi. I chose a shoe for the good foot with a thicker sole than the one I've been wearing in an attempt to level my body before I cause back problems. It helped; I need a thicker sole yet so may have to resort to a hiking boot.


onebyone – You could be spot on that your DH might help resolve some of his old feelings if he can help his siblings during this emotional time. It's a rough situation. I wish you both well. Congrats for getting your painting to near completion despite the stress.

Joy (gardenerjoy) – Oh Yes, "nuts that you have to crack" go into every stocking. Unfortunately, the kids find them a pain and just give them to me. I'm left with a large pile.

Debbie (Lexxiss) – OP day, pool, and with a friend - doesn't get better than that.

BigchiefDavid – Michael Pollen's "Eat food, not too much, mostly plants" is just the best quote ever. Kudos for continuing to seriously work your Beck Strategies.

nationalparker – Kudos for standing down Sabotaging Thoughts . . . even as they come from your DH, "just enjoy it, don't deprive yourself, we don't have it often" Homemade pizza is just the best. And Kudos for staying on plan even while enjoying lunch with a friend.

Readers -

Hi Coaches!

Checking in*credit*. I'm making vegan cookies for the potluck tonight and I'll do a large salad later. I reflected this morning at my progress; a potluck is not an opportunity for overeating but rather is an opportunity for me to get creative with MY foodplan, thus opening an opportunity for healthy food experience WITH a treat with known calories and ingredients.

I DID buy a battery for the scale yesterday which is a step in the right direction.

BBE, interesting as we notice that our brain still wants so much even when we know we are healthier without. credit for standing down lots of goodies! BTW how was pumpkin hummus?

I'm struggling here today - did well with last night's dinner, then ran errands and wrapped until after midnight. But today, there are HUGE gourmet popcorn tubs with the cheddar/caramel blend - not the crummy $8 tins, but the decadent $30 or so tins. As in more oil, more sugar and more fake cheese. And they're driving me crazy. I thought, okay, add it into the food plan and thoroughly savor 1 cup of it, count it, and move on. But the tubs are here and you can hear everyone opening the tin lids, shaking out a brown paper bag, and putting small scoop after scoop in - it's like a sin symphony. I took my cup and then ate half of it piece by piece and noticed, it didn't really TASTE delish. It felt good - crunchy, etc., but ... WHY is that a temptation that I failed to say NO CHOICE to. Grr. No major harm done, Subway for lunch after a volunteering gig and I have been good at skipping any baked chips or that sort of stuff. But I feel I failed on that. (And those tins will be here for days in the communal kitchens.)

Trail walked with DH and pooch last night - COLD. Felt good to get moving, though, so credit there.

Bill - major credits on doing so well at the party! Sounds like a decadent room of desserts. Now I must find the California Navel Oranges too. They sound like they're working magic. We've been enjoying some wonderful gala apples.

Sorry for some long notes... Feel like i'm unloading a few things here.

Hi coaches- checking in. I am happy to say that on my official weigh day, Wednesday, I stayed the same. My food has not been consistently on plan. I will consider this OK for now.

My performances went very well yesterday. We all had fun!

I've made my plan for today. Next week I see the dietician. It would be nice to see a loss from last time.

I told my SIL that I am not doing a lot of baking this year. (we will be there for Christmas) I said it was for health purposes. She said it's fine. She is still getting some pies. DH is back and forth on whether or not we will bake. I told him that a bottle of nice olive oil is really a good gift. "It's not like raisin nut bread." he said. True. We will figure it out.

I hope folks are doing well in the sea of December party/Christmas/Hanukkah/etc foods available.

Plan plan plan some more.

Nice to see a good drop on the scale after a 100% day!

WI: -0.5 in kgs, Exercise: +70 505/1400 minutes for December, Food: 100%op, Read my Advantages and Responses: yes

BigchiefDavid: "Eat food, not too much, mostly plants" was my starting plan. I ultimately needed a little more structure, but building structure on top of that quote was one big step up.

nationalparker: that popcorn does sound like a challenge. Interesting that it doesn't actually taste that good, just has the mouth feel. Could you bring something healthy and crunchy from home? Can you put on headphones and listen to Christmas music to mask those sounds?
No need for this apology: "Sorry for some long notes... Feel like i'm unloading a few things here." That's exactly what we're here for.

Beverlyjoy: glad your performances went well!

Thanks for the encouragement on my diet plan a la Michael Pollan. Today, I played the Hunger Game and it wasn't that bad at all. Not a lot of discomfort and good to know that I can handle fairly easily. Missing meals isn't something I do too often even when I'm sick. Moving fast today, but wanted to check in. Going to see a little Bond, James Bond, and I already wrote a response card for skipping the popcorn. Wish me luck.

Until that time...

There is some advantage to the fact that other than the grocery store across the highway from school, there are no commercial establishments between there and home. So the craving for late night pizza has to be satisfied another way, as does the idea that I should buy ice cream tonight for my husband who isn't coming until tomorrow night. (We are so clever in our deceptions and self-defeating strategies!)
Re: Christmas cookies: I have been baking the family traditionals and taking them straight to work, to the staff room at the other end of the hall; this way I can do the baking I love, put one cookie in my plan, and get rid of the rest so that neither me nor my celiac DH need to be tempted. I will make his favorite and my DD's (the one remaining at home) favorite right before Christmas.
In our stockings, it is a tangerine or mandarin...often not eaten but definitely required even by grown up children. Also a candy cane, and since DD#3 doesn't eat mint, I often end up buying 5-11 extras in some horrible flavor like cherry or bubble gum because they only come in those red and white striped boxes and we couldn't do without, now could we?
Re: nuts in the shell: we went to a brewery last summer that served a pounder glass full of "whole" nuts and gave you a nutcracker; a good snack at a place like that...kept you busy without gobbling down an entire plate of fried appetizers. Why are almost all items listed on the appetizer menu deep-fried, no matter what the "cuisine"??? :(
Plan for tomorrow: breakfast lunch and snacks: check; dinner: iffy because of weekend visit from DH. Will have reasonable back up plans in mind, based on when he gets here and what we decide to do.
21 day challenge: so-so. Last Friday was horrible, yesterday and today a little sugar leaked into my day; gotta figure out how to refocus that.
I found my old pedometer and I'm going to start wearing it at school to get a sense of just how many steps I take each day --it seems like millions! That is a tomorrow morning goal: calibrate the thing and figure out where to clip it; start collecting steps right away!

Friday
 

Diet Coaches/Buddies – Was on plan enough for the day, CREDIT moi. Hit a bump at Trader Joe's where I gobbled a sweet tiny cube of something - as if I'd never eaten before, LOL. I was led by a T.J. associate to an individual serving of apple pie, "so good, and it's small." It looked yummy; it was small; frozen and heats in a few moments. In short, ideal! Then I looked at the back - 360 calories with 50% of your daily allotment of saturated fat. Good grief!!! No thank you, Trader Joe's.

Walked about a bit, CREDIT moi. It suits my style to hustle across a street when cars are waiting. But hustling is not right for me and my cast. So I smile and limp at cast speed. Folks are amazingly patient with me. I'll miss that courtesy when I rejoin the fully walking.

Invited to Eighth night of Hanukkah tonight. My challenge is to fully participate in a joyful ceremony without participating in the HUGE eating portions.


Joy (gardenerjoy) – It does seem neat when the scale reflects behavior - especially since we're so good at remembering the other times.

Debbie (Lexxiss) – I'm taking this with me tonight, "a potluck is ... an opportunity for me to get creative with MY food plan." Love it. [Pumpkin hummus was good - not spectacular. I'd have it once a year in the future but wouldn't fight for it.]

Nature Girl – Huge Kudos for planning exactly one cookie from a batch. You cracked me up with, "but definitely required even by grown up children." Mine require the nuts - complain loudly even if skipped - even though they always leave them for me. Yay for childhood memories that we've created for them.

Beverlyjoy – Yay for performances that went well. Makes my heart soar knowing that you're back in the saddle.

BigchiefDavid – How was Bond, James Bond? It's on my list, sans popcorn, of course. When I hear his name I immediately think of the Queen of England parachuting into the Olympic Games, LOL.

nationalparker – Ouch for the combination of HUGE, decadent and hearing it scooped up - makes a challenge. Love those Gala Apples.

Readers -

BBE, great job standing down those apple pies BECAUSE you read the label first! Kudos-label reading is a very effective strategy for me.

gardenerjoy, yay for a scale that moves with an op day!

Nature Girl , yay for reminding yourself of your tricky maneuvers-buying ice cream a day early...I do that, too.

Beverlyjoy, glad to hear your performances went well. Kudos (belated) for such stellar improvement in your numbers from your bloodtest! It is sure a eye opening reason to keep forging ahead. Re: the raisin nut bread....would DH opt out for just one year?? Could you make and freeze immediately?? I (just me) might consider giving my DH the recipe...smile and say "your turn" then head out for the day. :lol: Chuckling a little bit BUT acknowledging that we, as women, have a lot of responsibility put on our shoulders as to all these "traditions". I've just spent the last few days baking, shopping, boxing, writing personal notes and getting everything mailed....not to mention prepping for DH's party last night. He mentioned to me this morning he feels "well rested" right now...me, not so much, AND "tired" is one of my biggest triggers. Anyway, just a few thoughts and I know you'll think through your decision. credit.

BigchiefDavid, I've been thinking more about Michael Pollen and his statement since you posted. Kudos for your jumping in on this thread and posting your progress every day. It's a great habit!

nationalparker, how's the popcorn project going? I liked gardenerjoys idea...ipod...no crunch. PS I encourage you squelch that sabotaging thought "I feel failed" with a positive response. You posted here about it. credit.

Me, did quite well at potluck last night. I ate MY salad My dressing My nuts My cookies and a serving of a mexican casserole, brought by a friend. I wanted to try a piece of cranberry bread and found myself searching for a small corner. Glad I didn't take the whole piece it wasn't very good. Battery installed in my scale....think I'm going to find a small piece of plywood for next time. I'm not weighing here and I know the reason why....the scale only weighs properly on solid floor...the entire place has carpet except for the kitchen and DH's bathroom, neither spot do I feel comfortable at 4 am in my birthday suit. I'll work on that for next time. credit.

I didn't put all the cookies out last eve, even though I brought them all. There were leftovers in the bowl which I left for the hostess. The rest I have bagged up for the freezer and I'll take them to my work party next Monday eve. It's great motivation for me not to eat them because then I'll have to bake again. credit.

Today's weight gain brought by a home-made and home-grown Chinese supper and too much of my own home-made bread. It's weird that I don't feel as bad about that as I did about overeating chocolate earlier in the week. Bread and soy sauce happen in my life and I'll find ways to deal with them. So does the occasional chocolate, but a chocolate binge? That's where I draw the line, apparently.

Credit for getting one last meal of greens from my garden. Credit for continuing on schedule to do the 30 Day Shred workout video 30 times in 60 days -- it's helped to have a small Twitter posse doing the same. That's a new one for me!

WI: +0.85 in kgs, Exercise: +50 555/1400 minutes for December, Food: 80%op, Read my Advantages and Responses: yes

Good Morning, Coaches. I was trying to catch up on all the posts and got a little overwhelmed. The holidays always prompt people to reach out more for connections. Posting is a good way to remind myself of my priorities. Three Holidays parties in three days. Yikes. The scale showed no gain, credit but I didn't add my food into my fitness pal yesterday. Today I will. Finally had a good night sleep last night-- credit for going to bed early and taking DH up on his offer to take DS to school. Credit for cancelling the 4th straight xmas party tonite and staying home to do Xmas Cards.

I have finally received a pass for my third semester MFA in Writing Program. I have anxiety about who my last advisor will be. I struggled SOOOO much with this last one although he gave me a glowing review. Anxiety makes me hungry. I am reminded of my sponsor's definition of discontent: Losing something we have, not getting something we want. She would laugh and say in the end, "God runs a perfect balance sheet. We wake up with everything we need and go to sleep with the same despite any gains or losses during the day."

Love the Crisco Cake, Factory made cookies and Chemical Icing titles. It will help.