Getting used to the new bod - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

Yael · 09-15-2006, 12:21 AM

OK, weird question:

Have any of you ladies hit a point where people start treating you differently and you realize you aren't a fat chick anymore? I feel like people are seeing me and before the fat made me invisible. The male attention is getting downright freaky. Two my guy friends have suggested upgrading to "with benefits". I can't help but think, "I was just a great before, and where the He!! were you?!"

Some of my heavier girlfriends seem less comfortable as well. One friend always used to say she'd give me some of her clothes when I got down to her size. Now I barely see her anymore. I don't get lunch invites so much anymore, stuff like that.

I've got 5 pounds to go to get my BMI out of the "overweight" category. I've lost over 50 lbs overall, but like 20 in the last 4 months.

Maybe I'm paranoid but I'm just soooooo uncomfortable. Does it get easier?

TamiL · 09-15-2006, 06:40 AM

LOL, yes it gets easier!! You will adjust and so will your friends, or you will make new ones. When you change yourself dramatically sometimes people who you thought were your friends no longer want to be around you. I think this is mainly rooted in jealousy.
As for the "male" factor. Hmmmm, if your male friend didn't feel you were worth "the benefits" before, I'm sorry, but he's not worth "the benefits" now! You have a whole new life to spend as a whole new you, take advantage of this!!!

phantastica · 09-15-2006, 11:35 AM

I've noticed this, too. I think many people feel "safe" around overweight people. The people who have good self-esteem will stick around.

As far as the whole friends-with-benefits thing goes, I find more men want to DATE rather than just be intimate.

gettingsmaller · 09-15-2006, 02:37 PM

I have noticed that people do treat me differently, especially men. When I first started going to the gym at aproximately 255 lbs. everone seem to avoid me like being fat was a contagious disease. I would see people go to the fatherest treadmill, eliptical or whatever, just so they did not have to perhapes speak to me. Now people (men in general) will take the piece of equipment right next to me, even if the other ones are not in use. Now that I wear a size 12/14 instead of 20/22 they all want to socialize. I don't think it is intentional it is just they way society has become.
Terrie

Chatterbox1982 · 09-15-2006, 06:18 PM

yes i do notice to how people treat me different. i started at 208 and am down to 174 so a 34lb loss and it has gotten some attention for males at work wich i completely ignore. * i am happily married and would not jeperdize that* but what irritated me one day is i was talking to a friend at work when one perticular guy came by and made a jester towards me and well i walked off and after a bit went to the bathroom and when i got back she is like he went by 3 more times and didnt do nothing when you were gone guess he wasnt flirting me me and it was you. What the ****. It was obvious it wasnt directed at her but she has gotten to the point now that she assumes everyone wants her and since im bigger then her how could i possibly get attention and not her. i didnt say nothing but i was just thinking thats so sad. i wont let anyone stop me from geting to my goal and im sorry if i lose friends along the way but thats to bad if they cant be happy for me or they cant be good friends then i can find new ones. Its what makes me happy and my family happy not what others think. Good luck whit your goals and you will be able to ignore these thoughts later when you are at your goal fora while its just all new to you lately. good luck

almostheaven · 09-16-2006, 11:27 PM

Yael, just wanted to say WOOHOO! over 50 pounds. You go girl! Good to see you again. God I'm missing my old gang.

Definately if that guy didn't think you were worth it before, don't fall for his lines now. And your friends may be feeling insecure themselves now. You may remind them of how they're overweight, and they don't want to be reminded. Just try to keep up the contact and they may start to forget about all that and just enjoy being with you again. If they don't, you'll make new friends. Friends that simply can't stick around aren't ones worth keeping anyway...insecurities or not.

But you know it may be that you and they don't have a lot in common now. I mean, what did you do before? Go for pizza? And now you eat healthier? Did you go out drinking and now you don't drink so much? Perhaps now you prefer clubs with the hot guys because you'll get noticed whereas ya'll used to stick to dark corners for girl chat? If you're choosing different things, you have to decide whether to continue to do what you used to when with these girls, or if you prefer the new life. Perhaps a split of the two and spend less time with the old friends, but still doing the things they enjoy.

lucky · 09-17-2006, 11:07 AM

Bear in mind, too, that the way people treat us has a lot to do with the signals we put out. At 50 pounds lighter (woohoo!) your signals are likely dripping with confidence. Even if you had high self esteem before, you probably feel even better about yourself now - and that shows. You will get used to it. Eventually, your brain will catch up with body and you will think of yourself as the thinner person that you are and no longer be surprised by the extra attention.

As far as friends go, be sure you keep the lines of communication open. Don't automatically assume that girlfriends' behaviors are driven by jealousy, or some other negative response to your weight loss. Being overweight is a sensitive subject for a lot of people. And sometimes, outsiders can't win for losing. For instance, if someone trying to lose weight is invited out to lunch they might assume the inviting friend is trying to sabotage their efforts. If they don't get invited to lunch they might think they are being ignored because they are now considered a "threat". You won't know unless you ask - so try not to assume the worst until you do. Especially if these friendships are important to you.

Flying Betty · 09-18-2006, 02:47 AM

I've noticed that all of a sudden people are just nicer to me in general. I was lucky enough to avoid the rude treatment that I've heard about from some of you, but I've managed to go from "fat" to "curvy" and only recently realized that random strangers are a lot friendlier. Some of it is probably confidence though I'm not really adjusted to my size, but I think a lot of it is sheer looks.

Yael · 09-23-2006, 06:06 PM

Let me try this again, the first reply crashed.

Thank you all. I actually am starting to get used to this. But I actually had the extra-freaky experience last week of not recognizing myself in a mirror. I actually looked behind myself to see who it was. I thought I had a buise on my face...and now I'm pretty sure they are that whole cheek bone thing I've been hearing about.

It's seeming less threatening and Star Trekish, but I can't say I'm enjoying it.

lilybelle · 09-23-2006, 11:47 PM

I have noticed that random strangers are a lot friendlier since I lost weight. However I have one sister that has been against my weight loss ever since I got smaller than her. I knew she was off work on Monday and called her up to see if we could get together for the day. Her response was "why, so you can show me how skinny you are?" I said "never mind, I'll find something else to do". How's that for family support. I just wanted to spend some time with her and she turned it into nothing but a weight issue, which it had absolutely nothing to do with. We live 1 1/2 hrs. apart and needless to say, I didn't go. I love her, but I feel like she doesn't want to be around me since I've lost weight. This is sad.

Tealeaf · 09-24-2006, 06:00 AM

I'm dealing with some pretty strong feeling so wierdness myself. I recently bought a grey sweater top on ebay (http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll...MEWN%3AIT&rd=1, if you're interested on how it looks). I look a bit lumpier in than then the manniquen does, but overall I think it looks pretty good on me. But, when I look at myself in the mirror with it, I just feel, I dunno, sorta unreal. I can't shake the feeling that there's some sort of a mistake, that I don't really look the way I do now. I have a nagging feeling of doubt that I'm just fooling myself, that that image in the mirror isn't really me.

Heather · 09-24-2006, 09:31 AM

I had just this experience yesterday. I have been obese my entire adult life, and spend my down time in men's sweats and such. Yesterday, I walked by a clearance rack at a sporting goods store and discovered something previously unbeknownst to me: Manufacturers carry specific lines of SPORTSWEAR designed for WOMEN! Shirts, and shorts and nifty sweatpants that snug whole lot closer than men's stuff. Who knew??

I thought, "what the heck" and decided to try some on. Well, I looked in the mirror, and cried at what I saw.

For the first time ever, I cried NOT because I hated what I saw, but because I looked liked I belonged in those clothes. I might even go so far as to say I looked good in them.

I bought several items on clearance, because I don't want to invest in things I won't like... I mean, I've never had shorts that "wick away" moisture...kind of cool!

I think I'm going to try NOT to borrow hubby's sweatpants any more!

Misti in Seattle · 09-24-2006, 09:59 AM

My friends don't treat me differently, except to be positive encouragers and cheerleaders. However, yes, strangers treat me differently and I am still pretty fat... but not nearly as much as I was 65 pounds ago.

However... to be honest.... I also think it is not all "them." I think I probably treat people differently too, as I am no longer ashamed to be seen out in public, and I WAS before. I am NOT and can never be one of the people who say "fat is beautiful" and people should all accept it, etc. It's fine if they feel that way but I don't and never want to. I DO accept others for who and what they are... but for myself I will never (and don't WANT to) accept that my fat is anything but ugly and unhealthy, and I want rid of it. So in my case at least... I know I am different when I lose the weight, so people are going to respond to me differently. And sometimes I really have to remind myself "It's NOT all about me." I do much better at all relationships when I remind myself to focus on other people rather than on myself.

csoar2004 · 09-24-2006, 10:09 AM

The other day co-workers were chatting about diets and one turned to me (ok, granted, she's new) and said something along the lines of, "Of course YOU don't have to worry about your weight."

This just goes to show you what assumptions will do to you.

Misti in Seattle · 09-24-2006, 10:10 AM

Lol