I met my boyfriend August 2004 - everything was great!
November 2004 (was it really that long ago?) anyway a lovely game came out called World of Warcraft... my boyfriend was addicted. He would ingore me, not want to see me, play when I was over, I couldnt get him off it (not all the time, just felt like all the time).
We moved intogether January 2006. By this time I had started playing the game too. It was the only thing to do while he ingored me. So we lived together and played together. But I still got mad, he wouldnt answer his phone, ingore me on msn, etc.
A few months later we both deleted our accounts and stopped playing. Everything was great again, couldnt be happier.
right?
wrong.
Last week he went and bought some super old game and it came with a free 14 day trail to wow. So he goes, I am going to play... for 14 days. he signs back (on Tuesday I think it was) up and two hours later he has entered his credit card information so he can play forever and is already talking like he is going to play forever.
First it was, I am not going to raid at all (raiding is where they play none stop for 5 hours and cant even leave to pee, let alone talk). Then it was, I am going to raid once and a while, and then it was I am going to raid once a week and then it was I am going to raid all day on Sundays (hem, one of only two days off together).
Last night I go for dinner and come home... he is playing, a group (not as hard core as a raid) and ingores me right off the bat. I go in the kitchen and step in dog pee (so he is ingoring the dog too). I wait an hour and half to see him for 30 min before he had to go to work.
I can feel the angry burning, just like it was before. Like he has been doing this to me for months! Like I never forgot!
I don't want to freak out, I want to stay cool. I don't want to yell and scream. It's like he goes out or anything, WOW IS OKAY! But I don't want to live my life around this game again. I just remember before, these damn raids, would go on all night and day on weekend, like 7 days a week! And he attened almost all of them! at least 5 a week, usually all 7! "This wont take long, I sware, then we can watch a movie" 11pm rolls around and he would still be playing and I would be going to bed.
I need to talk to him right now. I didn't call earlier because he was sleeping. So I just left him a message on MSN. Well he is now playing wow (I know because status is busy), he ingored my message and isn't answering his phone.
It's starting... I am living my life around wow again. I can scream.
I love this man, but it's going to end if it gets like it was.
My dh would be like that.. ever hear of Everquest? He also has played WOW.. not too long ago at that. He doesnt play anything at the moment per his choice.. he said he was bored..lol... Golf is his new thing.
But, we were never neglected.. He always would get off if asked/needed to. Your bf needs to figure out how to keep peace if he wants your relationship to suceed. Be honest with him & make him talk about his feelings, etc.. good luck to you!
You look pretty young, so I assume he is too. Teenage and 20-something boys tend to be a few years behind girls in maturity anyway. It just sounds to me like he's too young to understand what's important and he can't prioritize or know when play time is over. Maybe he's relishing be able to do whatever, whenever without any parents around and so he's living it up -- on his terms. Unfortunately, that leaves you behind. So maybe you need to lay the cards on the table for him about what sharing his life with someone means. You two aren't merely super friendly roommates! If he can't understand and agree (or at least compromise) then maybe you do need to move on and find someone else more at your level, or not live together anymore but still date. Whatever works and at the same time doesn't give you the short end of the stick. Boys like their toys, but they've gotta grow up sometime and if they're living with someone, then I say it's about dang time to start!
My dh is 43 and still addicted to on line games, we go through not so bad times and that's it i'm leaving times. When it comes down to the wire i can get him off but i don't know how much effort i'm going to put into it if the house is burning down. I totally understand, but he is probably a very intense personality, my dh is. If it isn't on line games then it's fixing computers, or new programs or something else. But the times when it is me he is totally and completely focused on usually makes up for the rest.
Something funny... I'm kind of in the opposite position (well not really). I used to play video games once in a while, I was bored, I was single and well some of them I liked. Anyway, I hadn't played any video games for a long time, I started dating my bf, both my bf and I started living together and then he would buy me games.
The problem with me and games is I start to feel competitive and I want to get to the next level and well that can take some time but then it continues on. He would complain that I wasn't doing my chores and all I wanted to do was have fun and either play games or watch a movie. I wouldn't ignore him if he wanted to do something but I guess I was ignoring my chores and such.
So then I'd stop playing games and then a few weeks later, he'd want to buy me another game and it started all over. Now these aren't online games so its different but he offered to buy me an online game and I told him no way. Anyway, I'm through with games as I can't just play a few minutes.
I don't know what advice to give you but you need to talk to him about it.
My DH is 41 and has a problem with playing too much on-line poker. Not for real money but still too much time on-line and not enough time helping with things that need done around here. When it gets too bad, I say something and he knocks it off for a while. Is there a CD or disk for this game that the new puppy could accidentally scratch up? That's what happened to our Armageddon movie that DH put in every night for at least 6 months. lol
Sadly enough, I have actually heard first-hand accounts of WOW ruining relationships. I met my boyfriend's older cousin for the first time over the summer (since she lives out in Ohio), and we knew she was engaged to be married in the fall. Of course, we metioned that when we saw her and she said, "nope, not anymore." And lo and behold, the reason was that he spent WAY too much time playing WOW and ended up ignoring her.
Also over the summer, my boyfriend's best friend and his wife (they just got married in summer 2005) came to visit (he's in the navy, so they're stationed up in Canada). Apparently, this has been a frequent fight in their home (they did not live together at all before getting married), and she is very upset about it. She recently wrote to me and mentioned that he is getting better at balancing his time between her and his games (WOW in particular), and that he doesn't get as upset when she complains that he's been playing too long because he's trying to understand where she's coming from. Hopefully, their situation will all work out.
As for me, my boyfriend doesn't actually care much for WOW, so he doesn't have it (but he definitely has played it--he used to work at GameStop and then Circuit City, so I'm pretty sure he's played them all ). However, he has gone through similar spells with other games (City of Heroes/Villains, Magic Online, etc.).
We've been living together for almost a year now (since mid-October 2005), and for MONTHS after we moved in, his video game playing got to me. I would come home and sit at my computer for a few minutes before making dinner or whatever--check email, check 3FC, etc.--but he would come home and sit at that stupid computer for HOURS until it was time to go to bed!
Yes, I let it get to me. I bugged him while he was playing and complained that he cared more about his games than spending time with me, etc. Then one day, it struck me like a bolt of lightning. He's home, here in OUR home, playing a game. He's not out with his buddies, not getting drunk, not getting into trouble, not doing God knows what...he's sitting right here, and that's more than some couples can say. I also felt like I was being too needy--I'm VERY independent, and by whining to him all the time, I felt that slipping away from me. I mean, what difference does it really make if he's sitting 5 feet away at his computer or next to me on the couch?
So I stopped bugging him. I started spending a little more time on my computer (sometimes Zoo Tycoon, sometimes Sims, sometimes just reading and posting on message boards, etc.), and I stopped freaking out about sitting on the couch alone to watch tv or a movie. In fact, it gave me the chance to watch some things he would complain about having to watch with me (Gilmore Girls, chick flicks, etc.). I just completely stopped pestering him or mentioning it at all. I felt so FREE in thinking, "hey, I'm going to live my life. If he wants to spend his on his butt at the computer, that's fine, but not me--I'm an adult [on the outside, anyway ], and I don't need him directly at my side every waking second."
When I stopped bugging him, something fabulous happened. He started paying more attention to me. I can't completely explain it--maybe I was someone he WANTED to be with instead of an annoying little gnat pestering him while he was playing his games--but suddenly, after a couple weeks of not bugging him at all or whining about how much time he spends on his games, he would VOLUNTARILY step away from the computer and come watch tv with me or even get up from his computer to come see what I was doing on mine (if we were both on our computers at the same time).
He still plays his games, but not nearly as much, nor to the point of hindering our relationship. I like to think he misses me when I'm not standing over his shoulder bugging him all the time Also, I sometimes try to take an interest in what he's playing. I'll sit next to him and watch him play and ask questions--I think he likes it because he can see I'm interested in what he's doing. He knows I don't like those types of games for myself, so he knows I'm there for him. He's also started playing more console games (GameCube, PS2, etc.), which means I can sit with him on the couch while he plays, which I like more. I like being able to nap with my head on his shoulder or even stay awake and watch him play--some of those games are more interesting than movies!
In any case, letting him play and realize himself that he'd rather spend more time with me really helped us. Living together takes a lot of getting used to--I'm sure before he lived with you, he possibly even played his games MORE than he does now!
Personally I think some of us need to buy some t-shirts with WOWW on them - "World of Warcraft Widow"
My DH plays everynight from around 10 p.m to 1 am which isn't too bad since I go to bed around 11:00. Sometimes he plays for an entire day on a Sunday. We had a huge fight about it once as he was complaining about the state of the house. I decided I was fed up doing all the housework, laundry, dishes, cooking ect. while he played his game so I went on strike so I did nothing and the house became a shambles. I basically told him how mad I was about him doing nothing but play the game and that I didn't want him to quit entirely but to limit his time with it.
Maybe you could come to some kind of compromise where he only plays on certain days or something like what my DH and I have.
I've known some couples that have divorced because of on-line games.I know because my husband and I play some from time to time.It's not a problem that will just go away when he quits playing....because something else will come out and it might be just as entertaining as the last game.Kind of sad maybe,but the reason it's worked out for hubby and me is that I play the same games he does,and we've tried a bunch(EQ,EQ2,WoW)...in fact,hubby is playing EQ now...both his account and mine,lol.
Maybe suggest a night or two of no computer games,then at least you know there will be some time each week for just the two of you.Good luck on trying to find a happy medium....mine was sneaking into his account and trying the game out...and liking it as much as he did.
Jill - thanks, you are totally right. I think what I need to do is sign up for WOW again then then I can play sometimes when he is playing. And I am just going to ingore it. And your right, before I got the point where I just ingored it and he was much better then when I bothered him.
And I can watch all my "stupid" horror movies! lol And this time around I have to little doggie to keep my company
Last night I came home, took the dog from him (she was playing wow with him) and we went and laid on the couch and snuggled... not even 5 min later he was sitting with me. Maybe this time he wont be as bad, but I WILL NOT let it bother me this time. Unless it gets really bad, like coming home to dog messes all over the floor - that I cant ingore! But I am going to train Keiko to ring a bell when she needs to go outside, so maybe he will be able to hear that over the game! lol
I too am an on-line game player widow. Mine plays different games, but he gets going sometimes for hours. I used to be nice and bring his meals to him at first. But now, it's-hey I told you I had dinner ready, if you don't get up here that's just too bad. No more food in front of the computer.
And sadly it's not just a young people's problem, my dh is 44 yrs old.
I've gotten to the point I enjoy the alone time, I'm free to do what I want, watch what I want. We still go for walks a few times a week after dinner so it's not so bad. I'm actually happy his playing on-line with other people. In the beginning he was playing just the computer and he had no social interactions at all when he was at home.
I just need to scream! (long + rant)
). However, he has gone through similar spells with other games (City of Heroes/Villains, Magic Online, etc.).
], and I don't need him directly at my side every waking second."
