[Rhapsody1]

Hello everyone, I am new here. I am suffering from Depression and Weight Loss issues. My issue is kind of strange and reversal with weight loss and exercise and depression. Here's the problem. I am 21 years old, and I have been suffering with weight loss for almost a year now. In about October it will be a full year. Well, last year this time, I weight 130lbs. I am 5'7 1/2. Not too bad right? Well my problem before the weight gain was the fact that I had gained ten pounds after high school, but last year before I went up, I went back down to about 129lbs, because I was in the hospital for the depression, and i had lost a good amount of inches. I signed myself in the hospital because I was sooo depressed. Weight wasn't the entire issue then. I always had this tiny pudge in my tummy that I could not get rid of, and I wanted to do some toning and touching up with my body. My weight was okay overall. Unfortunately I was on the Depo shot at the time. Bad move. I would never use that method of birth control ever again. I looked like a blow up doll. I gained sooo much weight. I wasn't fat or anything like that, but I just blew up. I looked swollen. Everyone noticed and everyone thought I was pregnant, my family memebers feeded off of it, because I was always the thinner one. Now, I am struggling to get this weight off. So far since I got off the depo in December I lost a total of 7lbs. I still have a little fat under my chin (I hate looking at my face). I still have a stomach, Its just not right. I hate the way I look, and I want to change it so bad. Here are the diets that I have tried. I have tried Beachbody. I tried Beachbody when I was 130lbs. I ate grilled chicken salad for an entire week. It started to taste nasty afterwards (I am not a meat person) so I just gave up after a week, I did exercise for 6 or 7 days I think (this was last year feb). I switched the Power 90 for the slim in 6, now I have both. I thought the slim in 6 would help me to shed the ten pounds I have been trying to shed since I had gained the ten pounds. I never lost the ten pounds. After I came out of the hospital in the beginning of June of last year, I was comfortable enough with myself to wear the types of clothes that I liked showing my figure (wait until you see how I have changed). I was doing the beachbody slim in 6, the billy blanks tae bo, and the Winsor Pilates a total of three times a week. I would switch them up. I kept up with that for a good four weeks. I had surgery on my foot afterwards. I could not exercise at all. Then Between September and October I gained weight. By November I was a swollen reck. Fast forward to this year. I did weight watchers, along with getting a personal trainer. I was working full time and going to school full time just to get the money to do all of this. I felt if I had a job I could lose the weight with no problem. Well, I was wrong. I was doing the weight watchers, and going to see the trainer twice a week (thats all the time I had). I was going to school at night Monday through Friday, and I was working Monday through Friday. I had very little time to do anything. My days were very long. Up at 5:30am in the Morning, not home until 10:30 or 11:30pm at night. When I asked the trainer if I looked like I lost weight, she shook her head no. Then I decided not to give her anymore of my money. I tried LA Weight Loss, despite the many complaints they had on Ripoffreport.com. I still tried it. I lost a good amount of weight with them. I stuck with them for about 3 weeks, with the abuse, attitude and all. The weight loss was fast though. I lost 9lbs in my first week and a half. Afterwards my weight kept going up and down two pounds. So, after I was told I had a weight problem I left. I dont believe in using someones emotions and personal, or career goals to get their money. (I feel bad about myself, but not that bad to let someone lie to me to get my money. I am not confident, but I have an ounce of confidence left to know, yes I want to drop some weight, and get back to my old self, but at the same time I knew I did not have a weight problem). The used every excuse in the book to try to keep me there, and every excuse int he book to say what the problem was. I thought was total B.S. Till this day, I know I dont have a weight problem (thats why I do not understand why the weight wont come off). I decided to go to another trainer. He was real cool, I wish I could have seen him enough, but I had quit my job (that was really depressing me as well). I could not afford to continue to see him afterwards. But he helped me to get some good decisions in about myself. I am a lot more calmer that I left my job, it was getting in the way of everything. The people there were immature adults who acted like little kids, attitude with everything. I got tired of it, it was not my career, and it was draining the **** out of me. I would go all out for my career, but that was not even in the same category as my career. Well, that was in May of this year. My last day there was May 31st, 2006. I was sooo happy when I left. I also quit so that I could focus more on my weight loss. When I was younger I used to dance, I would dance twice a week. I was Goregous when I was younger. I am sooo depressed, I now have two left feet, no energy, and I feel terrible. I have been on three different sleeping pills. I have been on 5 different anti-depressants, now I am trying to get myself in a day treatment program for the depression.

I started to see the nutritionist at the clinic I was going to. I told her I wanted to lose twenty pounds by the end of the summer, she told me it was possible. This was two weeks ago. Last week I went to way myself in with her, I only lost one pound. Then she tells me that she wants me to continue to lose weight at that rate (that took my motivation away right then and there). She told me by the end of the summer I should be down 8lbs. I left her a message that night asking her why did she tell me that I could lose twenty pounds in two months then tell me something different. She never responded to my phone call, I am going there today to see my counselor. I will call her or find her and question her about it. Oh yea, I tried the low carb thing as well. I did it for a week, and I could not even exercise. I had a headache the entire weak, and felt weak. I am thinking about trying that again, which is in the ultimate new york body plan book. My boyfriend and I have already prepped the food for it to just be grilled and stuff like that. I have brought the protein power for the shakes. I am just so depressed today I am not hungry.

I have also tried dietary supplements. From Beachbody.com (which I do not think is any different from any other weight loss company trying to make a quick buck). I got sick from one of the supplements. I tried the One a Day Weight Loss (made me sick). And then I tried Lip 6. Also made me sick.

Heres the twisted part. People say exercise helps people with depression. With me its the opposite. Exercise depresses me. I hate exercising. Its soooo boring, and I never see results when I do it. I feel like diet and exercise is bogus. People also say, well you did not gain the weight over night, you are not going to lose it over night either. Yes I know that, but some people's weight gain is over a period of years, not mine. I blew up in two months. I honestly feel I should lose the weight in two months. I am sooo depressed, and tired of going through this. I live in New York City. I hate my life. I gave most of my clothing away to the Salvation Army. I could not fit anything anymore, and I decided not to go shopping until I lost the weight. I feel like the only way to lose this is through plastic surgery (which I cannot afford).

Today I decided to try the exercises in the Ultimate New York Body Plan. I hated the exercises it depressed me so much, and I was constantly being interrupted. People knocking at the door (I live with my Grandmother), I was working out in the living room. I do not have a problem following a diet, its the exercise that I hate. My boyfriend is the only one who supports me, my career goals, and my quest to look my best. He loves me no matter how I look. I am just trying to be myself again. He knows how I feel and that I am really depressed. I have hit rock bottom because of the way that I look. Also, I try to cover myself up as much as possible. I wear long sleeve shirts in 90 degrees weather. I never wear skirts, or shorts, always pants and sneakers. I hate the way I look. I dont feel sexy. I feel terrible. I am always crying. I am not sure what else to do. I feel like I have lost the battle with myself.

Thats my story.

I know I typed too much, sorry about that.

[Rhapsody1]

Well obviously no one replied, I guess maybe my post was too long (although I have seen longer ones). Well although I didn't get the support I thought I would get here, thank you for allowing me to vent atleast.

[cincyem]

hey girl, it seems like you just have a lot going through your head. i can't see what your weight is or what your working towards, but the more you beat yourself up about it, the harder its gonna be. i truly believe that lossing weight is half mental half physical, you have to believe in yourself. maybe you could take a week or two off from worrying about it, then start over. i'm glad your boyfriend is being supportive, but you have to be your #1 fan. if there's anything i can say or do to help you let me know, you're not in this alone

[telemetrynurse]

Rhapsody,

I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I hope and pray that you are able to find some relief from your depression. I wish I could help you. All I can do is send a big

Are you currently seeing someone for your depression? Please tell them how you are feeling. Maybe you could print out a copy of your post to show them. I think your post "shows" a great deal of pain and suffering (mentally)

Please remember that you CAN and will feel better.

[trishn222]

I just read your post. Sometimes we don't always see the posts that are here and many of us only look in this area once a day. I am sorry that you are feeling overwhelmed. The feelings of depression can sometimes seem too much. Try to find whatever help you need. Sometimes depression can get in the way of our weight loss. Learning to cope with those things are the only way to make it in life. Good luck with your weight loss and you are always welcome to vent.

Trish

[Leenie]

Yes its summer time and this place is not as busy as it normally is, just give this post a few days and people will chime in.

[fitafter4]

Rhapsody,
I can certainly appreciate your post. It was very open and honest---I'm sure it felt good to "get it off your chest". I think MANY women deal with the same issues you've explained...and I applaud you for seeking advice to help the situation.

My advice would be:
1) Talk to a counselor. There are many counselors who deal specifically with weight management or weight issues. It sounds like the depression is feeding off your self-image and vice versa. It's a vicious cycle and that's not healthy!

2) Try to start re-programming yourself. Positive self talk. Your weight is NOT a reflection of who you REALLY ARE! Unfortunately, we are inundated with society's perception that if we're not sporting a 6-pack (abs--not beer ) and aren't cosmetically pleasing to the average American man, then something's wrong with US. Quite the contrary!!

3) God made us the way we are. Period. Now--will I ever fit into a size 8? Negative. BUT--I do I FEEL well? Am I eating healthy? Am I taking care of my body? ABSOLUTELY. THAT, MY FRIEND, SHOULD BE THE RULE OF THUMB. Not what society thinks.

Let me say again, you are doing the RIGHT thing by getting advice. I would just encourage you to talk to someone qualified that can support you through this JOURNEY.

All the best to you.
Fitafter4

[BellaLucia]

Hey Rhapsody1,

I feel your pain. I was diagnosed with Schizo-affective disorder this past February. I've suffered from depression since I was sexually abused by my father. I still have nightmares about it. I punished myself for the abuse by stuffing myself with food. Before the abuse, I was 135lbs, now I'm 262. I am unemployed although I have a B.A from a good school. I live at home with parents I wouldn't wish on the devil himself. Thankfully, I have plans to attend graduate school in January. I cannot wait till then. Email me at kiesiekpe at --my symbol isn't working--verizon.net. Hang in there dear.

[shush_ville]

well i can also relate to you in a way.....i was also under tremendous depression for various reasons about 2 yrs back. I lost nearly 20 lbs but i ended up gaining about 50 lbs more. It makes me cry everyday, but i realized that the only way i am going to make myself happy is by losing the weight I put on. And that can happen only when one has got sheer determination, motivation and an urge to get success. So dont worry too much about the time limit within which you need to lose that extra weight. Keep your goal in mind and work towards it. You will see results soon and will give you self motivation. Just hang in there.

[freeqeegrl]

Rhapsody1 !!!! you just told my whole life story i swear, im in the same spot as you. everything about it . ok here it goes. i was on the depo shot i wasnt thin but i wasnt fat before . but i gained around 30 pounds. i know i cried to . i played soccer my whole life now i cant go up stairs without losing my breath , ive tried every damn diet known to man and personal trainers which just hurt me because i payed so much and didnt get anywhere. i was so mad. and excercise depresses the **** out of me too. i actually became content with the idea i was ugly and oh well . my boyfriend is the only support i have as well . im too scared to try supplements. im stuck im finally trying turbo jam. its not bad . . . but it is so so so hard to get myself to do it. i work in a pharmacy with the worst people i think the stress is killing me. . .seriously . i find myself bingeing when i get home on comfort food. its so hard. i get so depressed sometimes to . you know the only thing that keeps me even thinking about excersising is knowing that if i start today a year from today it'll be better , but if i postpone till next month thats a month longer i have to wait for happiness . keep in touch . my email is [email protected] . we should really help each other out.

[Sassy_Chick]

I can relate too. I work nights so I don't get to come on until after work, about 5-6 a.m. and usually I am very tired so I only pop on quickly and leave. But your post caught my eye because I understand.

All I have to say, is just keep trying. Don't give up. I haven't been successful at all since I joined here, not blaming the site, its' my own fault. But I just keep trying each day and one day I know it will "Stick". I also hate my job but of course cannot quit because I need the money and I can't do a lot of jobs because of my back injury, but I would just keep coming to the site. Even if its only to read. A lot of good advice here and support.