Being Bigger than Your Disease
For years I felt like my eating disorder was bigger than me. I believed that I was completely powerless over "it".. and that I was doomed to a life of out-of-control binging. I kept waiting for the day when I just simply would "no longer want to binge".
That day never came. I had to choose that day. I had to recognize that it was within my power to stop.. and that I was bigger and stronger than my diseaase.
It is easier now, but I still struggle sometimes. Emotional pain can send me running to the carry-out menus.. but I did finally learn that after the pizza and ice creme.. I am still sad and FAT.
Recovery is possible. The first step (not in OA terms, I do not do OA) for me was simply recognizing that I had a disease and that I it wasn't a matter of willpower. I had to stop beating myself up for being so "weak". So, if the first step for my recovery was acknowledging that I had a problem.. the second step I think has to be self-forgiveness.
Just my thoughts today.
Elaine
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