Hello, all!
I posted this update on Sandi's brilliantly conceived "Where are you at" thread, but wanted to formally reintroduce myself here also. I look forward to sharing continued success with you guys -- those of you about whom I grew to care so much, and all the newer (to me, that is) folks I look forward to learning about and caring about.
My first time seriously trying to lose weight was in 2004, and I was very active here during that time. I started in March, and by November I had lost about 80 pounds. As often happens, the weight came off faster in the beginning, but I was unwavering in my determination, and still stuck it out during the later plateaus and times of slower loss. I had a lot to say here about how I stayed "motivated;" the Readers Digest version is that I succeeded by focusing on my behaviors despite my emotions, and that I didn't rely on the nebulous enigma of "motivation" to inform my behaviors, but rather the opposite. I depended on my routine and my planning to get me to where I needed to go and figured that my continued motivation would result from seeing the progress that resulted from my behaviors. And that worked for me.
My plan was really regimented and highly structured, and I was going for a total health overhaul not just weight loss. You know the drill: low cal (I cycled calories - doing 1200-1600/day with an overall average of 1450 for the entire period,) low sodium, high fiber, low glycemic, low sugar, low saturated fat, 120-160 oz. H20, minimal processed foods, 4-6 meals/day, HIIT cardio, heavy resistance training, yada yada yada. Too restrictive and all-or-nothing for some, but for me it worked!
I pretty much maintained in November, losing just a little bit, and then in December I was diagnosed with advanced stage lymphoma. It turned out that little lump I'd ignored, the persistent wheezing and cough that resulted in a misdiagnosis of asthma and a feeling of being really, really rundown were all cancer-related. So I started six months of high dose, bi-weekly chemo in January, and finished in June. I was initially relieved to learn from my oncologist that my chemo regimen didn't include high dose prednisone, a steriod notorious for making you pack on the pounds. Woo hoo! Ok, so if I'm going to go through the **** of chemo, at least I'll drop a few, I thought. No such luck. Turns out I got put on a different steroid, decadron, to manage the nausea and make another of the 4 chemo drugs I was on more sustainable. So I ate. I joked that "I'll kick your *** and THEN I'll take your food!" I packed on about 20-25 pounds during chemo. Not so bad, considering I was hearing of many others who'd gained at least 40. I had 3 months of recuperation and then went back to work full-time. Less than 2 weeks after my last chemo (and they have a cumulative effect) my beloved, incredibly supportive partner of 8 years, Lorraine, was in the emergency room with heart problems which we eventually found out resulted from a variant and particularly aggressive strain of Lyme Disease (she got it from a flying bug, not a tick.) So that pretty much laid her out -- she could barely make it up a flight of stairs -- as I was at my lowest point, physically. But we made it through, somehow. No kids, but 8 animals. Lotta work, if you want a clean and scent-free, well-adjusted home.
I pretty much watched what I ate and started to exercise (no small feat,) but, whereas before chemo I was able to "remain motivated" to plan and then stick to the plan without Lorraine's participation (and she needed to drop a bunch of weight herself but had just quit smoking and just didn't have it to watch her eats too,) this time I really struggled to do it on my own. I just didn't have the resolve I'd had pre-treatment.
My doctors had told me that it would initially be very hard to lose any weight, as the body holds onto everything after having gone through such trauma. Unfortunately, "initially" is when I had the most motivation, since I was feeling so sad and flat out ROBBED by the chemo's effect on my weight loss progress. I felt so interrupted and knocked off course by external events, and I wanted to regain control. When I didn't see results in those early days, it knocked the wind out of my sails. No excuses. I should have seen it through. I should have stuck it out. I didn't though. So after that, while it wasn't [usually] a free for all, I wasn't doing much to do much better than maintain, usually, if that. And no, I didn't maintain.
Since chemo's end last June, I've regained another 20-25 pounds, putting me at an official weight today of 249, with a total regain of 43 pounds.
And that's my line in the sand. I am done. And, thank God, so is Lorraine. Her good news: she just celebrated 10 months smoke-free.
Her bad news: her weight is at an all time high, just as she's now got some serious, permanent heart problems as well as some serious, lifestyle-related problems which she could improve or even get rid of if she got her eating and exercise under control. She could probably get off of the 4 heart medicines she's on at present. So she had her click recently.
I did a very good job before of separating my issues from hers, but found that much more difficult this go-round, so I'm so extremely relieved that she seems to have much more seriously made up her mind to change her behaviors. I believe that if we can start together, I'll gain the momentum to continue whether she does or not, and in that way I'll be better able to influence her through my success. That's the plan, anyway.
So I wrote us up tailor-made contracts with very specific eating and exercise guidelines, and today's the first day. She was willing to commit to 3 weeks, since it takes 21 days to create/change a habit, so 3 weeks it is. It's a good start.
I don't speak in absolutes anymore; I speak instead of hopes and intentions. My remission is in question, so I don't know exactly what my future holds. I do know that if I get to live, I sure as **** don't want to do it fat and unhealthy.
So I'm in. I even wrote in my contract that I needed to resume an active presence here and in my blog, so you'll be seeing more of me.
Say a prayer for me, ok? And I'll return the favor.
![Sarah's [Re]Intro: Chapter Two](https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/iconimages/100-lb-club/sarahs-%5Bre%5Dintro-chapter-two_ltr.gif)
Sarah's [Re]Intro: Chapter Two
so good to see you posting again! 
I am glad that everything has more or less settled down for you and Lorraine. I saw pictures of your house on your blog, and it looks great. You have been sorely missed!
