[Bravelilchicken]

I am so tired. I need to admit something and have come close to telling my hubby and my mom (heaven forbid) what has been going on, but I just can't take the looks and the "you need to stop that" and "you need to tell your doc" so I am confessing here until I am ready to either stop or get help stopping. I have been leaning toward anorexic behaviours again, have came frighteningly close to purging more then a few times here lately, to the point of everything I eat comes to the back of my throat for hours, apparently until it digests far enough to stop, I have been punishing myself again, slapping my leg when I have ate too much and I have started cutting (minor cuts) my hand again. Please do not say I need to stop or tell me to tell my doc or get help. I know what I am doing is wrong I just need it somehow right now. Nuts aren't I? I am scared to post this because this is really about the only place I go online and I love it here but I am worried I am gonna be banned from here for posting this. I just need to tell someone, anyone, what I am doing to myself. Am I the only one that does this crap to themsleves?

[2LosinIt]

Brave... no, you're not the only one who does this. But if you've done this before and gotten any kind of help, you know that it's serious and you don't need to -- or should -- go through it alone. Both behaviors have much to do with control, and you're probably feeling pretty out of control right now.

I won't tell you to tell your doctor (even though that would be a good idea I would think) or your family --- but you have taken a big step in telling someone by writing it here ----so maybe you are ready to take the next step.

Since it probably feels safe to tell it here... could you take that next step in a safe way? On the phone.
Check this out: http://www.vinland.org/scamp/institute/help.html

I don't know where you live, so some of these may or may not be close. But there are a couple of 800 numbers. You can still be anonymous that way, but have someone you can talk to who doesn't know you. You'll be in control.

here's something from someone who'd been there:
http://www.vinland.org/scamp/institute/dsh.html

This is bigger than you need to handle on your own. I think you're ready to reach out or you wouldn't have posted here... take that next step.

Good luck, hon.

[HarpoChicoGroucho]

Hey there fellow Kansan

No, you are definitely not the only ones with these behaviors, although I'm not sure if we have any anorexics here (although I lean toward anorexic behaviors as well). I haven't confessed this, but I went through a cutting period last year to substitute for the bingeing. I didn't take to it, and it ended quickly, but I still have faint scars on my lower leg from it. My sister (who also has an ED) also went through a cutting phase, and I've heard of other ED sufferers who are also cutters.

Sometimes we just need to know that there are people out there who struggle with the same things and who are there to listen when we need to be heard. And WE ARE HERE. And we understand.