I am divorced, and I was persuaded to enroll in an internet dating site by a friend. I met this guy and he is great, but I haven't agreed to meet him yet. I want to put it off as long as possible so he won't have to see me like this, but I really like him, and I don't want to prolong it if he won't like me for me.
I am so nervous, but I want to believe that I am beautiful, but what if I meet him and he just walks away?
I sooooo know where you're coming from. I met 2 guys online and met them face-to-face, and had 2 horrible experiences. The first one I had talked to online for months and months before we finally met. We got together, I thought it was okay (I was quiet because I was bit shy and extremely self-conscious), and then when I talked to him later that night online, he basically said he didn't care if we ever spoke again Talk about having your heart ripped out!
The second guy was a sweet one--we met at a restaurant, and he brought me flowers, and we had a nice dinner and conversation together, and the cheese ball even held my hand Then we went to a movie and got "cozy" together in the seats. We still talked online and even made plans to get together again a couple weekends later. Well, he cancelled on me because he was going to go see a "friend"--turned out, this "friend" was a nother girl he met online, and they are actually now married
So yeah, 2 guys I thought were so wonderful and accepting and blah blah blah--SO not for me in the end. The third guy I met online, like all the others, seemed very nice. He invited me to go to the zoo with him after a discussion about Zoo Tycoon (a computer game I was playing at the time), so how cute of a gesture is that? I hesitated--I didn't respond for a long time. What if he did like the first guy and just didn't ever want to talk to me again after seeing me? Or what if he did like the second guy and kept "shopping around" for a better model even after we'd met? I was so afraid to do it, but I finally decided that I was already single, so what did I have to lose? I met him and was VERY quiet all night long. I kept trying to find flaws about him to remeber so that when he told me he didn't want to see me again, I could say, "Well, that's fine, I don't want to see him either because he [insert negative comment about him here]."
Oooh, the mind games we play with ourselves I asked him as I was getting ready to leave if I would get to see him again, and he said yes. It still didn't click--I figured he was just being nice to my face and would either change his mind or completely ignore me later on. Well, as it turns out, we have been together for over 2 years since that first time we met face-to-face, and we have been living together since October.
Moral of the story: You don't know until you try! Better to find out sooner that he's a superficial jerk than to become more emotionally vested in him and have it hurt more later. Also, the sooner you find out he's a jerk, the sooner you can move on to someone more worthwhile! OR he could be just as sweet as he appears, in which case, wouldn't you like to know as soon as possible??
Also, honesty is key. I hope in all of your communications with him, you've never told him you were 5'10" 125 pounds with C-cups, long blonde hair, sea-blue eyes, and porcelain skin (as is so easy to do online when no one can see you ). I made it chrystal clear to all the guys that I was overweight, and not only slightly. I sent pictures to Jeff (my current boyfriend) before we met, and not just head shots, but photos that showed my whole body (fully-clothed, of course! I know how some of your minds work in here, ladies ). Be honest that you are overweight, but don't make it more of an issue than it needs to be. Most men (especially the older they get) are not seeking perfection--they know better by now But if he likes the you he reads about online, then why wouldn't he like the you he gets to see and hold and laugh with? Again, you never know till you try, and I am SOOOO happy that I met Jeff when I was over 250 pounds because I know he will ALWAYS love me no matter what size I am When I do lose this weight, I will never have to wonder, "Will he still love me if I get fat?!"
I met a guy online too. We talked for a long time but I told him I didn't want to send pictures or anything. I wanted to wait until we actually met because, like you, I wanted to try to lose as much weight as possible before I saw him. I ended up giving in and sent him pictures and he said "I can't believe you were nervous, you're BEAUTIFUL!" Our four year wedding anniversary is coming up in June.
So just tell the truth, meet the guy, and see what happens. If it doesn't work out it won't be the end of the world. But if you don't do anything about it you'll always be wondering what *could* have happened.
I understand the nervousness. I didn't meet my BF online, I knew him for quite a few years but I hadn't seen him for a long time (almost 2 years?). We had started talking online and on the phone though quite extensively, as friends but then something else developed So then the big day came where we would see eachother in person again. I was so nervous and both of us being shy didn't help. I think we both knew immediately that our feelings for eachother were confirmed and we have been dating ever since. I do have my issues some days with me being overweight and not feeling very attractive. He seems to deal with it very well.
I would say that it is better to meet him sooner than later. What if YOU don't like him? what if you two just don't click? You would be wasting your time worried about someone who may not be for you. On the other hand, what are you waiting for? It could be a good move. If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out.
I met my husband online, playing scrabble of all things We talked for months, eventually exchanged photos. A few months later met for dinner and a movie. Be honest with what you share online, and the best thing I can suggest is to meet as friends...don't go in expecting fireworks. And be safe! meet somewhere public, or do what I did, and have him meet your parents LOL (I was 32.)
You know what? I bet he's just an ordinary guy looking to meet someone nice. It's really unlikely he's a Brad Pitt look-a-like. If he is, then how lucky for you! If you think he's worth meeting then chances are at this point he feels the same way about you. There are no guarantees even if you had met him at a party (ie. face to face) first. If you're OK with the worst case scenario, then take the risk. Best wishes.
I met my husband online. Neither of us was looking for a partner, it just happened. After lots if posts, emails, letters and phone calls he came out here about 7 and a half years ago and we've been married almost 6 years. I sent him photos of myself, just so I knew there wouldn't be too much of a shock when he saw me in person. He flew to meet me from Canada, so it wouldn't have been as though he could just take a short trip home if he didn't like what he saw. The first thing he asked when I sent him the absolute worst photo I could find was, "Why did you bother to send that photo? I'm not going to change my mind about you." I even put on weight once we were together and I was comfortable with our life. He still loves me today, when I am less than half the woman I was. True love shouldn't come with any restrictions about how you look. Beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder anyway. My husband has always told me I am beautiful.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do, but don't waste too much time worrying about it. It is definitely worth it to take the plunge. I am SO grateful daily that fate brought this wonderful man into my life.
I met my husband online. We were both signed up under the same interest in ICQ and started chatting with a couple of other people. We were both honest about how we looked and shared pictures...and I was over 250 pounds at the time. We've been married for 6 years and i in the last 4, I've dropped over 100 of those pounds. I think it has a lot to do with him being good for my self-esteem.
Have you guys ever discussed weight or anything to the liking? You know what? If he doesn't see the beauty in you then he is not the guy for you. I didn't met my DH online but rather through a personal ad/dating service and I knew when I met him he was the one. Of course I had to go through a lot of losers before meeting him. With him though I took my time to make sure he really was someone I wanted to meet, especially after all the others. And so what if he doesn't call or like you once he sees you, that is his loss. Just keep in mind that there is someone special out there for you. It may not be him but at least you had a good experience meeting and talking with him. And just be honest and be yourself, that's all you can do.
I once met a guy in person who I originally met online, and he was totally positive about my body even though I hated it! He was probably the best thing that ever happened to my self esteem. He was overweight himself - so that probably helped with his acceptance of me. Things didn't work out between us, but I think the lasting effects were positive.
awww hon, I know how you feel. I also met a couple of guys online. At the time I weighed about 240-250. I was honest about my weight from the first though...and once we met IRL it didn't click but they were never rude to me and fortunately I didn't have the awful experiences that the some of the posters above had!!! Have you sent him a picture of yourself?? Have you told him your weight?? I know it's a hard thing to do. I'll bet he's nervous too and I really do hope everything works out for you. Keep us posted, ok?
I think most people meet on line at dating websites, in chat rooms, or on places like myspace.
I Dunno personally. I've never dated anyone I met on the internet.
Inner Beauty
Talk about having your heart ripped out!
Then we went to a movie and got "cozy" together in the seats. We still talked online and even made plans to get together again a couple weekends later. Well, he cancelled on me because he was going to go see a "friend"--turned out, this "friend" was a nother girl he met online, and they are actually now married 
). I made it chrystal clear to all the guys that I was overweight, and not only slightly. I sent pictures to Jeff (my current boyfriend) before we met, and not just head shots, but photos that showed my whole body (fully-clothed, of course! I know how some of your minds work in here, ladies 
). Be honest that you are overweight, but don't make it more of an issue than it needs to be. Most men (especially the older they get) are not seeking perfection--
Again, you never know till you try, and I am SOOOO happy that I met Jeff when I was over 250 pounds because I know he will ALWAYS love me no matter what size I am 
When I do lose this weight, I will never have to wonder, "Will he still love me if I get fat?!"
So then the big day came where we would see eachother in person again. I was so nervous and both of us being shy didn't help. I think we both knew immediately that our feelings for eachother were confirmed and we have been dating ever since. I do have my issues some days with me being overweight and not feeling very attractive. He seems to deal with it very well.
