I don't know. Am I going about this all wrong?? I don't get it. I have all my plans laid out, then when "start day" comes, I just totally throw in the towel. Without even trying!! I have these great ideas about challenges I'm going to do and the kind of diet I'll be doing, and without even trying it, it goes out the window. I seriously don't know what the heck is wrong with me. I get all these workout tapes and books and magazines and just about anything under the sun...but then I don't actually DO the plans. They just end up collecting dust in my room while I longingly look at the skinny girls on the covers wishing that was ME.
And it's not like I can ask for help, because this is something I myself need to do. I can listen to all the "get your butt moving" and "take it one day at a time" advice, but it just doesn't sink in. WHY?? I'm SICK of being this weight. I want to look GOOD in my clothes. I find myself wearing clothes that cover everything up. And right now there's only about 5 outfits in my closet that do that, so I painfully rotate them every day, and it ends up that I wear the same damn outfits 4-5 times a month. I want to buy CUTE clothes, and I want to feel GOOD about my body!! Ugh.
Right now that goal to be at my goal weight by my friend's wedding July 1st is looking a little impossible.
I have been in the same vote as you, but I had to make the decision for myself that I was going to do it. Not because of the other skinny people out there. I had to be the one to say okay, I am not happy with myself and I am they only one who can change that. I also decided that what I was currently doing was not helping me. Sounds like you may not be ready to change your life style yet
Maybe you are trying to do too much all at one time. Try concentrating on eating right, then try to incorporate some exercise, like walking. You've lost 2 pounds already, so you must be something right. Don't be so hard on yourself, it's not an easy journey.
I have been doing South Beach Diet since January 2006 and have only lost 8 pounds, it's very frustrating, and I'm not going to lie, there are days that I feel like throwing in the towel but I also know that if I do that, I will not only gain those 8 pounds back but I will also gain a whole lot more than that too, plus I will feel terrible about myself. Try not to just concentrate on the scale, take your measurements so you have something to give you motivation.
The way I look at things now is, I can either choose to take this time trying to lose weight and live healthier or I can spend this time doing nothing and possibly gaining even more weight, either way this time will pass. I choose to at least try.
I recommend you read the book Slow but Sure, it's about this woman that lost 158 pounds, she takes you through her trials and tribulations of her weight loss journey, it helped me motivationally.
I'm not the type of person that gets inspiration or encouragement from people giving me the usual "you can do it, don't give up!" speeches. I tend to just roll my eyes at it because to me it seems a little phony and rehearsed. One night something that someone said to me really stood out and made me realize that this is something that I not only need, but want to do:
"Quit your *****ing. If you're not going to do something about your weight then don't bother whining and crying about it because that's not getting you anywhere but miserable. You're making you and everyone else close to you miserable because you're always sulking about how you want to lose weight, but you say this while you're shoving the McDonald's you just bought in your mouth. You have absolutely no right to complain about your weight when you don't want to do anything but sit around on your fat *** and watch your favorite shows. No one feels sorry for you because you're the only thing holding you back, and you're NO different from ANY other overweight person wanting to lose weight and doing nothing about it. People have lost more pounds that YOU WEIGH and they did that because they quit their *****ing and got to work. No one's going to give this to you, and if you expect that then the only thing that will happen is you're going to wake up the next morning and still be fat. Put up or shut up."
That was ME saying that to myself. The next morning I was on the treadmill for atleast an hour and made it a habit. By the end of that week 6 ugly pounds were gone. During the next week I gained back 2 from the muscle I gained, but the end of this week is nearing and I've lost more (I have an estimate of about 5 right now, but I can't say until my official weigh in day..might be more). I would always make fun of my sister because she is really obsessed with her weight. She was 220 several years ago, and now she's at about 165, which is good for her height, and like she said "you HAVE to get obsessive about it or else it won't work the way you want it to". I'm obsessed with this now. I use Fitday, and I also have a chart on Microsoft Word tracking how many pounds I've lost every week, and how much exercise I got that month. Granted I only started 3 weeks ago, but that's three weeks of me not whining and not doing anything.
I'd like to think that when you get to the point where you can't stand to hear yourself complain about something anymore, it'll click and you'll get on your way.
"you HAVE to get obsessive about it or else it won't work the way you want it to".
As much as I hate being obsessed with it I agree. Everything I eat I go, how many calories are in that? how much fat? etc. It drives everyone nuts but in the end I know this is the only way the weight will come off.
It is not easy but if you want it bad enough it will happen.
Hi Danzer. I know exactly how you feel. For all of my life, up until around October 2005, I was saying the exact same thing... I mean literally, I could have written your post, and I have written many similar things on other boards and a million times in my journals/diaries over the years.
The really frustrating thing is that I don't know what to say to help you, because you're right, you know everything you need to do. You know that it really is as simple as doing it. You know it all and still you don't do it, and then you feel bad. I know. I've been there. Looking at it from the other side of the fence (having successfully "started") I know just how true all of the advice was that I received, about just doing it and that I could do it and blah blah blah blah blah. But to impart that to you in a meaningful way... I don't know how.
I'll tell you a few things that really helped me. First of all, you say "and it's not like I can ask for help, because this is something I myself need to do." For me, asking for help was key. I was ready, I knew all the things I had to do, but I needed support more than I ever realized. I couldn't go to my family or my friends... I just didn't feel comfortable. I come across as someone who is strong, and admitting weakness like that was hard for me. Plus, telling people I was trying to lose weight had led to me giving up before. So I searched the net for dieticians in my area, and I found a woman who was helpful and supportive, and I still meet with her once a month. I thought I needed a shrink or something, but really all I needed was the idea that I was being held accountable to *someone*... and I needed someone who could point out to me that I could do it, and that I WAS doing it, and that it wasn't the end of the world if I ate a piece of cake or something. She counters my inner voice who tries to bring me down. And surprisingly, that critical inner voice has become weaker and weaker since I've stopped letting it control me.
Another thing that helped me was stopping "starting". I am a perfectionist and it used to be very difficult for me to stick to any kind of diet plan for more than one day, because I would sabotage myself thinking "I'm gonna fail on this eventually, so I might as well just stop now." I would start journals intending to record my weight loss journey and then abandon them when I "failed", starting a new diary a few weeks or months later. But I've realized that there is only one journey! I have one journal now where I write every so often, whenever I feel like it, about my weight loss issues and about whatever else I want. And it represents that this is one journey that I'm on. Even if I give up eating healthy and pack on the pounds for ten years, and then decide to lose weight again, it's still part of the same struggle. So there's no more angst about getting started--I already started. If you start eating healthily tomorrow morning, and you "give up" by supper and eat a whole pizza, you've still started the journey, and you're still on the journey, and you won't be "starting" again the next morning but just continuing and learning as you go.
Anyway, I don't know if any of that will be useful to you... this process is so personal. But I want you to know, you said exactly the same thing as I've said, I've been there, and here I am now. And if I can do it, you can do it.
I'm with you Virgo - For me, tough love is definitely difficult, but it's the only way to go if you want to see results.
I tried and failed several times over the past couple of years to lose weight. Last year, DH tried to 'coach' me - I was doing calorie-counting. i.e. every week I would weigh myself and we would talk about how I was feeling and what I did right that week (he was completely supportive about it and let me talk when I wanted to talk. He offered suggestions and such)...anyway...that lasted about 2 months and I gained all the weight back once I stopped exercising and paying attention. The thing is...I wasn't ready...I thought I was, but nope.
Then August of last year I decided to try South Beach (AGAIN)...I lost about 13 pounds in 6 weeks, went off-program for a while and gained 7 pounds back...
Ok...this brings me to Octoberish...and my pants were quite tight...well - one of my friends was doing WW again and I started doing that at the beginning of November and exercising again (My poor treadmill hadn't seen my feet in weeks!). The first week I lost 3 pounds, then another 3 pounds, and so on...some weeks were only 1 pound or 1/2 a pound...but that kept my motivation up...
I think a jump start to seeing success was the motivation I personally needed to keep going...
I've had a bit of a set back lately (was about 3 pounds away from goal and then went back up)...now the scale is going in the right direction and I know I will succeed. The success I had late last year and early this year is still so fresh on my mind that I can still use it...does that make sense?
Bottom line is - YOU have to make the decision for YOU. You have to decide when enough is enough. It may mean that you don't want to have to buy bigger pants and a whole new wardrobe. It may mean a special event coming up. It's different for everyone.
Set smaller goals. Goals need to be a) specific to what you want and b) time-specific...
example - by the end of the afternoon, I want to only eat my popcorn and fruit I brought for my afternoon snacks...(very specific and by the end of the afternoon I will know if I achieved it or not)
But, I do want you to know that YOU can do it. The question is, will you?
Amen, I agree with soTypical...I count everything, I think its because Im doing so well that now Im at the stage where I am afraid to slip. For me my motivation was that it was "do or do not, there is no try" ive tried and tried for years, and now Im 24 married with no children so I came to a realization, now is the time to loose it before things become more complicated and its harder on my body to loose the weight and I didnt want the weight on my body any more the older I get, I dont want to be like the rest of my family and have heart problems I committed myself to breaking the cycle. Not to worry though I honestly feel that weight loss is like drug addiction, you have to hit bottom before many of us take our problems seriously. All the best an d hang in there
Thank you so much for the advice everyone. You're right...I just need to do it. And I liked the advice about not "starting over" after I fail, but just continuing on, even if it's a month later. I also like that example of a small goal...I never really thought of small goals being *that* small. LOL.
All your help is really appreciated, and thanks for taking the time to respond. I just need to keep on keeping on...hehe. THANK YOU!
Venting...again
I just need to keep on keeping on...hehe. THANK YOU!
