[buckettgirl]

It is absolutely beautiful today.... days like this are rare in western Kansas... It is overcast with a little bit of sun, about 70, mild breeze... it is beautiful (in a few months it will be overbearingly hot, humid, and windy).
I really do love days like today, but I just don't understand why I feel the way I do... I don't even know how I feel.
I figured if anyone had any words of wisdom, it would be here at 3fc...

My problem is that I have housework to do, homework (a huge project due in 2 days), errands to run, and I have to take my hubby to the doctor this afternoon. I don't have class on Tuesdays this semester, so I am home all day if I want to be.
I feel zero ambition or motivation. All I want to do is sit around and eat. It is like something inside me is miserable and wants to keep me that way. I feel torn in two emotionally. Part of me knows I need to get these things done and wants to get them done; part of me wants to be outside and needs to be; and then the other part of me says "screw it all, be miserable and eat".
:
This is truly the first time I have ever confronted this problem. It happens every spring and lasts through summer. Obviously I am not like this on every beautiful day like this, however it is probably an equal split.

So what did I do: I skipped my morning exercise because I thought I would actually make head way on my project. I didn't, I ended up reading other discussion boards that I belong to. I had breakfast (a healthy one at that). I had a not healthy snack at about 9:30, then I went to the store to figure out what kind of junk I could down today. All the while, I was thinking "what the **** am I doing????" "I don't want to sit around and eat, why do I feel this way?" "food doesn't even sound good, i'm not hungry, what is wrong with me?" But in the end, whatever driving need to eat and be miserable triumphed over my will power to resist it and I don't know why.

Now, I understand that I made a choice to eat whatever junk I shouldn't have. I know that I shouldn't have and only I am responsible for it. However, I also know that in order to change this problem, I need to, first, recognize it (which this is the first time I have ever recognized that this is not right); and then I need to figure out my emotions and why beautiful days like today cause me to feel miserable.
I don't think that I am depressed, and I am not sad - maybe lonely. Certainly I have no reason to be bored. I just don't know what is causing these emotions. I don't want to eat and be miserable. I want to thoroughly enjoy these beautiful spring days instead of sitting on the couch looking longingly out the window.
Any one else ever get like this? Any one have any ideas? Are there any books I could read that may help? I feel so lost with this. I truly do not have a clue where to start to change it.

[midwife]

Walk ten minutes away from your house and then ten minutes back. A twenty minute walk on a beautiful spring day in western Kansas sounds great. Don't rationalize...don't resist...do it.

[Jen]

I know exactly what you mean. I have this happen to me all the time. I am a loner generally, I don't want many friends but every once in awhile I have a sense of lonliness and it gets overwhelming. Like yourself I've also a million and one things around the house to be done. Housework, school work, exercising, scrapbooking and sometimes it is just too much thinking about all the things that I could do. I end up wasting the day but surfing the net or reading a ficiton book or watching tv. It is hard but I think midwife had a great idea of just getting up and going for a walk and too I know sometimes just getting up to do that is rough. Hang in there! You can only do one thing at a time. Try to do something that you will look back on tonight and think to yourself that you had a productive day.

[famograham]

Oh, Sweetie..

Is it possible that the beautiful days remind you that you are about to face another spring/summer overweight? Another spring/summer of being too hot because you're afraid to wear appropriate clothing for the season? I know I've spent too many summers sweating my a** off in jeans and 3/4 length sleeves because I was too ashamed of my body to wear something more comfortable.

I try very hard to resist the urge to do that now..but you still won't see me in anything with spaghetti straps or a tank top..I will finally wear shorts, but I still feel the self consciousness when I do.

This may not be the problem at all for you..but for some reason it popped into my head when I read your post.

For me..sometimes the beautiful days would remind me of all the things I wanted to do...but couldn't, or wouldn't ..or was too afraid to do.

That's not happening this summer...nope...it's NOT!

Please forgive me if I'm way off base


Linda

[buckettgirl]

Originally Posted by famograham

Oh, Sweetie..

Is it possible that the beautiful days remind you that you are about to face another spring/summer overweight? Another spring/summer of being too hot because you're afraid to wear appropriate clothing for the season? I know I've spent too many summers sweating my a** off in jeans and 3/4 length sleeves because I was too ashamed of my body to wear something more comfortable.

Actually, I don't think that idea is very far off-base... Wearing summer clothes has never been a problem for me - when I was 100lbs smaller, it was like pulling teeth to get me into anything feminine looking, and now I have no problems wearing shorts, skorts, capris, halter tops, tank tops, spaghetti straps, etc ... I am very self-conscious, but I don't wear anything terribly distasteful (at least, all my clothes fit and cover up my fat rolls appropriately )
I think that maybe you are on to something to say that it might be the thought of facing another summer overweight... Anyone who is fat and lives in a hot climate knows how miserable summer can be. Of course, it can be miserable for persons of any size. Thinking about summer and what I would love to be able to do (or how I would love to look) could definitely be at the root of this. I have always felt odd being active outside because of my size, and for so many years it never even occurred to me to go outside and be active. Staying inside is safe. Being miserable is safe. Eating is safe.
But going outside and being active or being silly is certainly unknown and very not safe....
I think actually, you are on to something here... and I will explore this further with my counselor as well.

Also, I will try that short walk... I think that a leisurely walk to just enjoy being outside might be better than an actual "exercise" walk today.
Thank you

[Tani]

I stole this idea from the flylady (someone I find as incredibly irritating as she is useful ) But when I'm really not wanting to do something that *needs* to get done I make a deal with myself to just do it for 15 minutes. You can do anything for 15 minutes goes the mantra. This works especially well for exericse because usually once 15 minutes are up it's usually easy to just keep going.

[NavyWifeDee]

I had a day just like that yesterday. I knew that there was so much to do and it was beautiful and I would probably have enjoyed my morning walk, but I turned off the alarm, and then I was miserable all day, so I consoled myself with ice cream, all the while beating myself up for it. Why do we do these things to ourselves? I do know that I have some minor depression issues at the moment (i'm a loner too, but having no friends at all other than my husband is starting to get to me) and we are financially stressed at the moment too, but my exercise usually keeps me on an even keel. I have slacked off this morning already too, and now I feel worse.

Tani, I love/hate flylady! Thanks for the advice, I'll get out my timer and try to use that today. I've been slacking on my flying/fluttering too the last week or so. I guess I'm just in a funk.

Dee

[midwife]

How was your walk?

[hmacneil6]

Just hoping things are better for you today. Couple words of advice that help me when I feel overwhelmed and find myself walking in circles not knowing where to go next.....

1. The Flylady principle: You can do anything for 15 min. Like Tani said choose to do something for 15 min. Get out your timer and do it. You'll be amazed at what you can accomplish in that amount of time.

2. If you have chores to do, use the same principle, but then be sure to reward yourself with something good for your soul for the next 15 min. Take a short walk, have a cup of tea, journal. Do something that makes you feel good.

3. Make a list of what you need to do. Without lists, I'm lost. But if I take (again) 15 min. and write down the things I need to accomplish for the day, I find myself more motivated to get them all done and crossed off. And, again, be sure to add into that list things that you want to do for yourself, as well as things you feel like you have to do.

I hope things are better today, and I hope this helps for the future. Remember, we're all here for you