Six Affairs
The 1st Affair
>>> A married man was having an affair
>>>>> with his secretary.
>>>>> One day they went to her place
>>>>> and made love all afternoon.
>>>>> Exhausted, they fell asleep
>>>>> and woke up at 8 PM.
>>>>> The man hurriedly dressed
>>>>> and told his lover to take his shoes
>>>>> outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
>>>>> He put on his shoes and drove home.
>>>>> "Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
>>>>> "I can't lie to you," he replied,
>>>>> "I'm having an affair with my secretary.
>>>>> We had sex all afternoon."
>>>>> She looked down at his shoes and said:
>>>>> "You lying *******!
>>>>> You've been playing golf!"
>>>>>
The 2nd Affair
>>>>> A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters
>>>>> but always talked about having a son.
>>>>> They decided to try one last time
>>>>> for the son they always wanted.
>>>>> The wife got pregnant
>>>>> and delivered a healthy baby boy.
>>>>> The joyful father rushed to the nursery
>>>>> to see his new son.
>>>>> He was horrified
>>>>> at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
>>>>> He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the father of this baby.
>>>>> Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
>>>>> Have you been fooling around behind my back?"
>>>>> The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
>>>>> "Not this time!"
>>>>>
>>>>>
The 3rd Affair
>>>>> A mortician was working late one night.
>>>>> He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,
>>>>> about to be cremated,
>>>>> and made a startling discovery.
>>>>> Schwartz had the largest private part
>>>>> he had ever seen!
>>>>> "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician
>>>>> commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated
>>>>> with such an impressive private part.
>>>>> It must be saved for posterity."
>>>>> So, he removed it,
>>>>> stuffed it into his briefcase,
>>>>> and took it home
>>>>> "I have something to show
>>>>> you won't believe," he said to his wife,
>>>>> opening his briefcase.
>>>>> "My God!" the wife exclaimed,
>>>>> "Schwartz is dead!"
>>>>>
>>>>>
The 4th Affair
>>>>> A woman was in bed with her lover
>>>>> when she heard her husband
>>>>> opening the front door.
>>>>> "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
>>>>> She rubbed baby oil all over him,
>>>>> then dusted him with talcum powder.
>>>>> "Don't move until I tell you,"
>>>>> she said, " pretend you're a statue."
>>>>> "What's this?" the husband inquired
>>>>> as he entered the room.
>>>>> "Oh it's a statue," she replied,
>>>>> "the Smiths bought one and I liked it
>>>>> so I got one for us, too."
>>>>> No more was said,
>>>>> not even when they went to bed.
>>>>> Around 2 AM the husband got up,
>>>>> went to the kitchen and returned
>>>>> with a sandwich and a beer.
>>>>> "Here," he said to the statue, have this.
>>>>> I stood like that for two days at the Smiths
>>>>> and nobody offered me a damned thing."
>>>>>
>>>>>
The 5th Affair
>>>>> A man walked into a cafe,
>>>>> went to the bar and ordered a beer.
>>>>> "Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent."
>>>>> "One Cent?" the man exclaimed.
>>>>> He glanced at the menu and asked:
>>>>> "How much for a nice juicy steak
>>>>> and a bottle of wine?"
>>>>> "A nickel," the barman replied.
>>>>> "A nickel?" exclaimed the man.
>>>>> "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
>>>>> The bartender replied:
>>>>> "Upstairs, with my wife."
>>>>> The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs
>>>>> with your wife?"
>>>>> The bartender replied:
>>>>> "The same thing
>>>>> I'm doing to his business down here."
>>>>>
The 6th Affair
>>>>> Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
>>>>> He looked up and said weakly:
>>>>> "I have something I must confess."
>>>>> "There's no need to, " his wife replied.
>>>>> "No," he insisted,
>>>>> "I want to die in peace.
>>>>> I slept with your sister, your best friend,
>>>>> her best friend, and your mother!"
>>>>> "I know," she replied,
>>>>> " now just rest
>>>>> and let the poison work."
|
