[madscientist]

I've known this all along, but I'm a total food addict. I fiend, I get withdrawal symptoms, and I always am on the look out for that next fix. Since I've been eating healthier things, the cravings are bad. And not even for food. I've been cravings drugs too, and I haven't used any since my experimental partying teenage years!! I popped some No Doz today to get that upper euphoria. And I mostly just got the jitters. But the idea that I just simply took something to make me "high" (400mg of caffeine isn't exactly a trip to remember, ya know) made me feel a little better. But the way I was fiending today, I would have taken ANYTHING to make me feel that sort of high that food makes me feel when I binge. But, I don't WANT to binge! I want the high, but I don't feel like getting it through binge eating. Explain that one to me, I don't understand. It worries me because there are worse fixes to be had than food. Ever since my psychiatrist put me on Neurontin, I haven't wanted to binge eat. Which has been good. But I've still been in search of that good ol' high. I feel like such a mess, I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I've never had to quite face this issue from this angle before. It was once all about lifestyle changes and habit changes. Now, I see myself as an addict in need of rehab and that is a whole nother animal. I'm both happy to have that aspect revealed and discouraged because I've seen what **** addicts go through. And unlike drugs or alcohol, I can't quit food and walk away from the crowd and the dealers. I have to learn how to live with it. So in that sense, my work feels harder.

[Hibiscus8]

I understand where you are coming from, especially the connection to drugs and wanting a "fix." The way I have been overcoming it (through therapy) is to understand the emotions behind why I want to get high, so to speak. When it's not food, then like you I turn to other things - mostly cigarettes these days. For me it's usually a way to avoid feeling certain negative emotions. I can look in my food journal and see the patterns in my snacking and slowly I've made the appropriate emotional connection. The cravings do subside after adressing the emotions you are using food to supress, and finding new ways to fill your life. I used to really look forward to lunch and dinner each day - sometimes the best thing I had to get excited about. Not anymore...I enjoy food, but it is not the center of my life. I have found a lot of other things that can give me a rush - like hockey games, loud music in my car, even painting...

I completely understand your frustration, and the more introspective you can be, the easier it will be to fix it. And believe me, you CAN fix it. I used to not be so sure, but I'm a believer now!