Sooo I have a question. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years now. We have been though a lot; We broke up once three years ago (for only a week), I was diagnosed with leukemia (now in good health)..you get the gist...we are now looking for a house. I know he is commited to me and I to him, but WHEN IS HE GOING TO PROPOSE!!!!!!
My questions to you all is, how did you know (if you did) that your hunny was going to propose? There have been soooo many perfect opportunites for him to propose but no such luck...I have hinted BIG TIME (think, emailing rings), we have even looked at rings tpgether (a year and a half ago!)...
Hmm, dunno if I can help. My husband nevery actually proposed. We just kept talking about getting married and I picked out my own ring. Not very romantic but at least I got what I wanted!
Have you just come out and asked him about?
I also wouldn't be too worried. A lot of people now spend their entire lives together and never get married. I just don't think people put as much emphasis on marraige anymore and I wouldn't take it too personally.
Well, if you really want to be married to him, you could tell him now that you don't want to move in with him until you're engaged with a date set! I was engaged to my husband before we bought our house together. Actually, I helped him pick it out, but wouldn't commit to moving in until I was engaged. Of course, we were engaged for a long time...we even had our son...before we actually got married, but the commitment was there and that's what was important to me.
In this day in age...the pressure of being married before sharing a home together is all but obsolete, BUT, what matters is what's important to YOU. Don't let people pressure you into moving in without a commitment because it's 'the thing to do these days'. This includes your boyfriend pressuring you into moving in and cooking and cleaning for him without a commitment if a commitment is what you want. To me...and this is just my humble opinion...but there is only a very fine line between a man that lives with his mother and man that lives with his girlfriend without at least a commitment and a date set. It's like, he wants someone to 'take care' of him, but doesn't want the responsibility of being a husband and having a wife. It's just a pet peeve with me with today's men.
On the other hand...I think of it this way...if you move in with your boyfriend, he'll likely always be a boyfriend in your eyes. I think...again, my own humble opinion...that the reason that so many marriages end when people live together first with no commitment is that when you get married, the man goes, overnight, from being a 'refundable' boyfriend to being a bonafide family member. This is, I think, a harder-to-make transition than people give it credit for. Whereas, if you get married first, even if your boyfriend has been your boyfriend for a long time, you move in with your 'husband' and it's easier to take the whole thing more seriously and to have a long-term attitude towards the whole thing.
Again...this is just my opinion and I sincerely hope I have not offended anyone. Everyone is wonderful and I love eveyrone and their differences...FG2 asked for opinions and this is just my 2 cents to be taken or left alone.
Sorry for that last paragraph...I just really hate when people chastise me for having an opinion that may be slightly conservative. It really ruins, like, a week worth of days for me.
I LOVE EVERYONE!! And, good luck, FG2...I hope everything works out just the way you want it to!!
Thanks ladies you both make some very good points!!... and yes I did ask him and he said he wants to do it when i would least expect him to...but with him that could be ANYTHING.
I know with him the commitment is there (and with me as well). I want to be engaged more for the experience of the actaul engagement and planning the wedding ( I know it sounds superficial, but last year i didn't even think I would be alive today...), so thus in my mind after all we have been through and me getting sick and all...why is he waiting!!!
FG2 - you know... ...Christmas is a notorious time of year to get engaged...maybe...just maybe...he's going to for Christmas? Or New Years...or Valentine's Day. I bet you'll be engaged by Springtime. The wintertime is just too filled with romantic times to get engaged. Hang in there...I"m sure your wishes will all come true. And never, ever sell yourself short of your expectations and think you're superficial. You want what you want...your taste is your taste and that's just the way it is. A wedding/engagement is a big deal and you have every right to make it all you want it to be.
And, IMHO, men can be lazy with these things and if you flat-out refuse to move in with him until you're engaged, it may be just the motivation he needs to get the lead out and pop the question in a way you'll love and in a way he wants to.
Ooooh, that's a tough one. All I can say is that guys can be tricky.
I've been married for almost a year, and my husband proposed to me after we had been dating three years (2 1/2 of those years were long distance). I had a hunch that it was coming, mainly because marriage was an open dialogue in our relationship from early on and our discussions continued to get more and more serious. They evolved from "if we ever get married" to "one day when we get married", but I knew that he wanted to do the old-fashioned proposal thing. We did the whole ring-shopping thing just so he could get a better idea of my taste about two months before we got engaged, and at that point I got very antsy! I saw some opportunities come and go but held out hope that it would come in time. My husband is the kind that HATES to be pressured, so I tried to avoid asking him about it (although I did a few times...) Finally, he surprised me when we were on vacation, and it became clear to me then that he had just been waiting for the perfect opportunity to plan a special evening for me!
At this point, I wouldn't worry too much or overthink it too much. It sounds like he knows your wishes and fully intends to propose. I advocate keeping the conversation about your commitment and intentions open, but without pressuring him too much. And I can understand what you're saying about wanting the engagement and wedding planning experience. While kind of stressful, I did have fun with it and am glad that I got that opportunity.
My husband wanted me to move in with him and I told him I wasn't going to without him getting on one knee and proposing to me. And about 3 months later he did. He just wasn't to sure what I wanted or when to do it. They need a little help soemtimes. Let him know you want to be married before you take that step to move in together. Buying a house is a big responsibility and you need to know he is in it for the long haul. If he is committed enough to sign a dead with you for a home than he should be commited and ready enough to sign a marriage certificate. Hope I helped.
Well, was married nearly 6 years ago, BUT...we lived together for 2 1/2 years and I was fairly resigned to him not wanting to get married. He started off with no intentions of expecting to. He was 45 and had never been married. But things changed and we eventually went the same route as stacylambert. He just asked if I wanted to, so we went shopping for rings.
DH and I have talked a lot about getting married--I mean to the point of who will come (friends/family) and who HAS to come (family) we discussed having band/DJ, music lists...I mean we have had these discussions with his family...all the signs are there...we have looked at rings...I have told him I will say yes... so what more does he need???
I am too old fasioned to propse to him...plus he also said if I ever did he would be really mad b/c he also feels that the guy should get down on one knew etc...
I know its coming, but we have talked about this for ever now...
DH and I did it all backwards.....he separated from his first wife (3 years later met me), I had my son, we met and moved in together and became instant family, had our daughter, divorce finally granted after first wife fought it (while she was also living with the someone else she cheated on my DH with) ,got married, DH adopted my son.....moved in when I was 20, just turned 40 yesterday so for better or worse I've been with him half of my life....
I've been married almost 2 years. My DH and I have been together 5.5 years total. We dated for almost two years when we moved in together but I made it pretty clear that being engaged was important if we were going to live together. He is two years younger than me so he didn't want to get married too young, which was fine with me. I just wanted to know that it would definitely happen. So one day we went to the mall and we picked out an engagement ring. When we got back to our apartment he proposed and put the ring on my finger. We married nearly two years after that day and we didn't even talk about a wedding until we had been engaged for a full year. It worked out well because I got the commitment I wanted and he got to 'keep his freedom'.
I definitely explained that I would NOT be his girlfriend forever.
Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free? If marriage is important to you and you've been together over 6 years, then it doesn't appear that marriage is that important to him or there are some other issues that you haven't really spoken about. Is it the $$ for a ring that is the issue? An engagement ring doesn't have to be a diamond nor does it have to be the ring you will have until the day you die. Sure, it would be great for that to be the way it is but this is the real world - people change their minds and their taste in jewelry. ONe of my friends has been married for over 6 years and they had no money and couldn't afford an engagement ring when they got engaged and married. So what they are doing is for their 9th anniversary he is going to propose again and buy her the engagement ring of her dreams and on their 10th anniversary they will renew their vows.
All I'm saying is the symbol of the ring is what is important - it's a commitment you are making to each other.
Is he concerned about future health issues and the thought of you falling ill again? This may scare him (I don't know you or him - just a broad speculation)
My husband and I talk about everything - we know each other extremely well. A good book is by John Gottman - The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work : A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert. Very interesting read and it will definitely make you think about where you are in your relationship - good or bad
Besides, you'll have all the fun you want planning a wedding
For those recently engaged/married...
...Christmas is a notorious time of year to get engaged...maybe...just maybe...he's going to for Christmas? Or New Years...or Valentine's Day. I bet you'll be engaged by Springtime. The wintertime is just too filled with romantic times to get engaged. Hang in there...I"m sure your wishes will all come true. And never, ever sell yourself short of your expectations and think you're superficial. You want what you want...your taste is your taste and that's just the way it is. A wedding/engagement is a big deal and you have every right to make it all you want it to be. 
