[coley144]

Hello everyone

Hope I'm in the right place here.

I've always used food as a pacifier and used it particular when I had 'difficult' emotions such as anger. Well I've had reason to be quite angry quite a bit so am now quite fat!

Started a diet in August after my head just clicked and I realised I could and wanted to do it. Am having no problem keeping to a low calorie diet. Am losing weight slowly but surely.

Except...now I'm actually feeling the emotions I've previous medicated away with food and Its all a bit overwhelming sometimes. I'm trying to write things down, use my punchbag, started a blog, talk things through and generally express things but sometimes..no actually quite often at the moment..I'm angry for no identifiable reason.

So my question is...what do you do with emotions that seem to have no reason? For example I went out with my fella to the cinema last night, had a lovely time, then on the way home I just felt really annoyed. He hadnt said anything, nothing had happened. It feels a bit crazy to be honest. I read somewhere once that your fat stores hormones and when you lose they are released..is that true or am I just going crazy? Do I just need to wait until these new skills for dealing with emotions get better?

Anyone else have a clue what I'm on about?

Claire x

[ChickinHouston]

I am so glad you asked that question. I have the EXACT same problem. My wonderful husband has taken the brunt of my anger quite often, and he doesn't do anything wrong. I would really like to know the answer to your question myself. I've tried blogging (just started), talking about it (just makes me more annoyed), punching stuff, curling up with my kitty, excercising, even just losing myself in a mmorpg game or book. Nothing works.

PS. Grats on almost hitting your New Year's goal!

[coley144]

Sherry thanks so much for answering! SO pleased to know I am not alone. I wonder if anyone who's reached their goal might have a better idea of how to deal with it.

Loved your descriptions of everything you have tried! Sounds SO much like me! Hey if you come up with anything or wanna rant PM me! At least I'll know what you are talking about! And congrats on your weight loss!

Claire x

[ChickinHouston]

*bumping this so hopefully we can get an answer*
Also, I've tried doing yoga and meditation...I'll let ya know how it goes!

[ellis]

Claire, I can completely relate to your confusion about unreasonable emotions.
All I can say is that it takes practice to "listen" to what's going on in your head. And lots of it!!
Focus on being "aware" of yourself. Eventually, it should just become second nature.
I recently spent six weeks at day hospital (mental health) learning a slew of cognitive behaviour therapy, etc, and getting in touch with my feelings. Initially, it's so difficult to identify what's setting them off, but it IS possible to do! Keep at it... it gets easier. (still practicing here, myself...)

[phantastica]

I've found that therapy helps me the most. It helps me recognize what causes the anger, and why that brings on a binge.

[coley144]

Thanks for your replies Ellis and Phantastica. You're all being very helpful. I have had counselling before to deal with being abused when I was a child and that helped me sort lots out. I think its got me to the point where I feel ready to lose the weight now. I suppose I am reluctant to go into counselling again because I like to think I have the tools now to get through life in a positive way. I think, though, that if I feel totally overwhelmed I will go back.

Ellis your comments about being aware of my feelings is very interesting. I used the same techniques to sort out my previous problems with low self esteem, of just being aware of the things I'd say to myself. I am conscious at the moment of what my emotions are, as i said, but they seem disconnected from the cause. I'm wondering if they've been in there so long its all got muddled, like a bag of sewing thread that's got all tangled up!

But I think, as its a technique I've tried successfully before I'll keep it going. Maybe I'm trying the right techniques (communication, punch bag, meditation, blog) but am too impatient to wait for them to work. Also I hate the feeling of being out of control so anger does really disturb me. Maybe I just need to get used to it..as long as I express it healthily!

Thanks ladies you've given me lots to think about. As you may be able to tell I think FAR too much!

Claire x

[lucky]

I've experienced episodes of unprovoked anger as well. In my case, they were closely tied to anxiety and depression. Most frustrating of all was that when that anger surfaced I could FEEL it. Meaning, in my head I knew it was unwarranted, unrealistic but I couldn't talk myself out of it. It was the same with my bouts with anxiety and depression. Medication has been the answer for me but every indicator points to my issue being chemical and not the result of any traumatic experience (although the few traumatic experiences I have had magnified the problem).

I'm not suggesting that medication is the answer for everyone but it has been a lifesaver for me (an my family. LOL).

[DancingAngel]

Hi! This is interesting. I have reached my goal and held it for several years now, yet I too deal with a lot of unresolved anger. I used to think maybe I had repressed some deep dark secret -- kind of dramatic, huh? But I think not. The anger is something I can't explain.

Maybe it has to do with being overweight. Don't you think it's just not fair that others can eat whatever they want? They can run and jump and dance? They are sought after by the opposite sex? They get the good jobs, the lead in the school play... and you are stuck having to settle for whatever leftovers you can get? Just because you are overweight. And that anger becomes a habit ... long after it has outlived its usefulness. Indeed, even after you are no longer obese!!

I don't know the answer.

I do know one thing that helps -- now don't laugh! Good, old-fashioned exercise!! Indeed, sweat it out! So you have 2 left feet -- DANCE! Not only do you let go of a lot of the angst, but your body becomes strong, supple and healthy. And I have to tell you, that feels just wonderful!

Anger is a fact of life many of us have to learn to live with. So dance, sing, make a joyful noise! And see if that doesn't help a little. I know it has literally transformed my life!

[applegirl]

DancingAngel--How did you do it? How did you lose so much weight? Not the diet you used per se, but your mind set. Somehow I can't seem to get my mind right to get on track. You did great! One day I hope to have half of your success!!

[coley144]

Hi Dancing Angel

Thanks for your reply. I do like your idea about exercise and dance. Obviously I havent done loads of that or I wouldn't be the weight I am! Will get some James Brown on and have a dance!

Claire x

[boiaby]

I think a lot of my anger comes from resentment over a life I've never taken the opportunity to fully live, as well as the fact that in most cases you can't just start over, no matter how much you wish for it. I feel like I got a raw deal and it pisses me off. But you know what pisses me off even more? Knowing that I did it to myself and have no one else to blame but me. Thinking of all the precious time I wasted being fat. Of all the times I settled in life because I thought I couldn't do or didn't deserve any better. It's hard, and a lot to deal with, and no one ever really warns us about all the emotional crap that comes along with weight loss, so when it happens it comes as quite a shock. I mean, weren't our lives supposed to be perfect if we could just lose this weight? That one certainly didn't work out quite the way I'd always assumed it would! So what do you do with it all? Good question. All I can say is work through it, one issue at a time, from a place of love and acceptance. And remember, you're not going to be the same person anymore, so take some time to get to know the new you. The one who isn't willing to hide behind that armor of fat anymore.

Oh, and let me just second what DancingAngel said about exercise. It truly is the best stress buster I've found. When I get mad or flustered, just jumping on my Gazelle and getting my blood pumping does wonders for my state of mind.

Good luck and take care!
Beverly

[RobinW]

I had a lovely long post all typed out, and my pc froze and I lost it all.

So....in a nut shell

I would like to offer my 2cents. I thought this was a very interesting thread, and I would like to offer my experience.

Ive been irritated and angry at the world since I was 15. Thru trial and error, some life changing events, have taught me that MY anger and irritation are mostly caused by hormones and food intake. My moods have been pretty level for the most part since I discovered this and made some major adjustments in my life.

I still have my days now and then, where Im just cranky for no reason...and thats ok. Usually I can back track and see why Im behaving this way. At least its not every day like it used to be.

When Im eating properly, Im good. BUT, I have triggers. If I eat too much pasta too many days in a row, I'll very likely have a rough time when it all kicks in. Some of it was allergies...or food irritatants I did not know about. Like corn and tomatoes (for me). I eat very little corn, or tomato based things very often. (these used to be staples for me)

Before committing to therapy, try making some changes and see what happens. You just might be able to pinpoint a trigger or 2, and it wont cost you any $$

[ellis]

Originally Posted by boiaby

And remember, you're not going to be the same person anymore, so take some time to get to know the new you.

I LOVE that you said that, Boiaby! It's so true. I think that's a key to losing weight and living a healthy lifestyle. We can't be the person we were/are if we want to change our life habits. We have to be that health nut we've sometimes despised who turns their nose up at high fat, processed foods.

I have two, quite different types of friends.
I have friends who LOVE to eat. People who will willingly chow down with me on anything and everything. To some degree, they all struggle with their weight.
And then there are my activist friends, who all eat VERY well. They wouldn't dream of eating Kentucky Fried Chicken, etc. And they're all healthy and slim!

So I am choosing to be like the latter. Yes, I'd much rather chow down with my fat friends. But I don't want to have a heart attack. I don't want to be fat. I want to be able to tie my running shoes without groaning and puffing. I want to be able to play soccer with my kids without running out of breath after only five minutes. I want to live life and enjoy it, without it's sole attraction being food.

I appreciate all the input on this thread. Your posts are all very thought-provoking. Thanks, girls.

[coley144]

I cant thank you all enough for your replies to my post. I told my fella yesterday 'I'm not alone!' and it has really made me feel better. Boiaby said 'The one who isn't willing to hide behind that armor of fat anymore.' and that's exactly how I feel - ready to come out and face the world without my armour.

Funny thing is, after reading Boiaby's post yesterday, but not having time to reply, I've felt utterly calm! Bizarre! I'm sure I will get angry again but you've all suggested lots of ways to deal with it. Thanks again.