[chaoticfish]

Hi everyone. I posted here for several months as I was loosing weight. I think the last time I was here was in January. My lowest weight was 155 which was a 125 pound weight loss for me. I got a lot of wonderful encouragement/support from everyone here and that's why I'm here now.

In February I became reinvoved in a relationship with a man whom I love dearly but who causes me a great deal of pain. I became depressed and not only started smoking again but started eating again. To date I've gained back 30 pounds, which puts me at 185 pounds. When I'm sad or hurt or angry I reach for food. It's my comfort. I can't seem to stop. I want to so bad. I want to lose what I've gained and continue on to my goal of 130. It felt so good to watch those pounds and inches come off, to buy smaller and smaller sizes. I was so proud of myself! But I just can't seem to get into the swing of things again and feel worthless and hopeless. I can't stop eating. I hate myself for gaining weight back. I never even cared about my weight before I started losing and now I feel utterly disgusted with myself.

I'm here in hopes that this place will help me again as it did before. I'm sure I'm not the only one here who's ever gained back weight, maybe others experiences can help me get back into things and understand what happened. Thanks for listening. You guys are all wonderful

[MorticiaAddams]

Im sorry to hear what your going thru. I know emotional eating is really a hard place to be.
I used to eat because I was to afraid to tell what I really felt.
After overcoming that I finally stopped eating because I kept things bottled up. But is there to much going on right now? Because it just doesnt sound like your putting yourself first. The one thing we tend to do is start to worry or care more about someone else then ourselves. Then we get put on the back burner to all other things. And we shouldnt be.
We live one life. We have one chance and never ever let a man put you in a place that leaves you hurting like you are.
You have to have these checks with yourself to let you know. You come first and what someone else wants to do or tries to do needs to then have them kicked to the curb and never ever let in again when its hurting you.
Your reaching out and thats a good start that you want a change. Make those changes. Put yourself ahead of all the mess and love yourself again.
You are the one person whom can give you the happiness you want. Our mates just help complete whats already there. And if they are not doing that. Whats the sense of having them around.
Love yourself like you desearve to be loved.
From Cindy

[chick_in_the_hat]

I agree with Cindy - you need to put your health first priority. Mental as well as physical. I don't know what plan you were using to lose all the weight you lost before (congrats BTW ) but it was obviously working. Don't be so hard on yourself - we all fall off the wagon! There was a quote on another thread somewhere (sorry I can't remember where) that really hit home for me. The quote is "The worst thing you can do is give up forever"....
I think you know what you need to do - just do it! Sorry if that doesn't sound very empathetic....I really do understand your mood. I've been there many a time myself.
I have found exercise to be a wonderful mood lifter - take a nice walk....you CAN do this - you've already proved it by your previous success!!! Dig out some recipe books, plan ahead, set small goals for yourself (baby steps- don't try to fix everything at once), get out some skinny clothes and think about when you will be able to wear them again.
I don't know what the deal is with the dude who causes pain...but if he is abusive, get out girl....you deserve better.
Hmm long, babbling post....

[DayByDay]

First, let me tell you that last January, you became my inspiration. I would come here to primarily read your posts because I could so closely relate to you. I also quit smoking, lost weight, and have since started smoking again and gained some of the weight back. I have been back on track with the eating for one week now and I know you can do it too. I just bought more patches and plan to quit smoking again either tomorrow or Monday. Chaoticfish, it's all in the mindset and the key is getting there and staying there. I also use food (and cigarettes) for comfort, especially when I am emotionally upset and in "self destruct" mode. But the good feelings you get from being in control are so much more enjoyable than the temporary good feelings you get from eating. There is no guilt or shame to deal with when you stay in control. I have found it helpful to use a spreadsheet I created in Excel to record my weight, calories and exercise every day. I also created a weight graph so I can watch the line go down. Visualization is also very helpful. I try to really visualize how I will feel and look at my desired weight, and then I compare it to how I feel and look now. Every day, I make the choice to take the road to feeling and looking good. What it really comes down to is caring about yourself enough to do the right thing, and because life sometimes throws us a curve ball, that can sometimes be challenging. I think we need to think of things to comfort ourselves that are good for us ahead of time so that when TSHTF, we are prepared and don't get sidetracked.

The most important thing is you care about yourself enough to stop the insanity and come right back here where you belong. And you did that before you got back to where you started from. You are still so far ahead of where you were when you started!