[Jenaya]

Okay, I need a dose of "100 pound club" motivation from my friends here. I have been successful in losing a few pounds but I seem to be stuck. Having been stuck for awhile, I have developed this stinking thinking stuff which is generally a berating of myself for not doing better. That tends to end up in a cycle of continuation of not doing well. Actually, I know part of the problem is I have so far to go that it almost seems overwhelming and impossible to actually get where I need to go...but then I see other people doing it and say "see, its just you - what is wrong with you, why can't you do this?" and off this evil little voice goes. Has anyone else ever been stuck this way? It is quite insane really, I know the risks of obesity, I worry about the consequences of my weight on my health and yet I remain immobolized. Yes, I have done the soul searching to try and figure this out but can't get the answer. I have always been overweight so I have a lot of "unlearning" to do. I am progressing but just at the speed of a snail. Maybe just having an awareness if half way to the answer for me. Anyway, if you have some constructive thoughts send them my way. In the meantime, I will continue to exercise and be grateful for the staying the same and not gaining and trying to devise how to kick start whatever it was that I had when I got the first 20 lbs off.

Thanks in advance,

[kykaree]

Hugs to you and a big slap for your inner fat chick, tell her to shut up and quit messing your head. I needed help from these wonderful people a few weeks ago when mine was snarping at me. This is YOUR journey and it might take you 2 years 3 years 10 years to get to goal, and that's fine, as long as you get there.

I have a sticking point every 15 pounds or so, and I am usually stuck for 2 - 3 weeks. Then it starts again. I don't really do anything different, it just happens. Bodies like fat, it nurtures them, keeps them warm, supplies them with nutrients, and losing that fat is really hard on our bodies. We are fighting against nature in some ways, we have stored fat for a reason (so our bodies think anyway) and instinctively, it holds it, and looks after it, and you really have to be patient and let the body deal with whats going on. That's what helped me deal with the slow aspects of weight loss.

Hang in there, you are doing fantabulously well, don't let the inner fat chick get at you!!!!

[shedilbry]

wow. i thought i was the only one who experienced things like this. i don't have any magic words for you (or i'd have done used them for myself LOL). but i just wanted to say that i feel stuck too and i constantly say those things to myself also.

[Jen]

Jenaya, I know exactly what you mean. For me it is an issue of knowing that I know how to lose the weight, that I have motivations up the yin-yang but I just can't get my head around actually doing it. I get very frustrated when I feel like I am doing a good job but in retrospect I am just fooling myself. I wish I had more words of wisdom but just know that we support you and we're here to lend a shoulder when needed. For right now I am setting teeny, tiny goals to try and get myself back in track, 5 lbs right now is as high as I am setting the bar.

[ChocLabLover]

Do not feel bad about yourself. I know from my own "inner fat chick" she can be my own worst enemy. My biggest issue has always been tied to the number on the scale and I would ignore all the other successes that I have achieved over the week/month. If I stayed the same or gained, I would berate myself because I did not lose enough. Nevermind the fact that I went out for dinner the night before and made healthy choices, or that I had excercised 4 times that week. This is a long journey for all of us, and I found when I started celebrating my little successes I focused less on the number. So kudos to you for sticking it to it Celebrate the life choice you have made, but I send a big hug to you as well!

[boiaby]

My advice is to try not to let yourself get wrapped up in all that "head stuff". That evil little "fat chick" voice will stick it to ya every time if you let it. There is no rationalizing or reasoning with her, she is strong and has been at this much longer than you've been trying to get healthy. So when that fat chick starts infringing on your mental space, you just tell her to shut the **** up and go get down to business. What helped me a lot was not allowing myself to dwell too much on all the negative thoughts bombarding my brain, and just bullying my way through what I knew needed to be done, i.e. eating right and exercising. I spent many a night on the treadmill having a mental catfight with that obnoxious fat chick because she thought I'd be MUCH happier sitting on my butt watching t.v. rather than sweating away on that blasted treadmill. But I knew what needed to be done whether I wanted to or not, so that's what I did. I don't know if this will help or not, but it seemed to work for me. And that's what you've got to do; find what works for you, and just do it. Good luck sweetie and remember, no matter what never ever give up, you can do this!!

Beverly

[glynne]

Jenaya,

You are not alone. I am having a struggle with that inner fat chick voice too. I recently passed a milestone in my life ~ I had been trying to have positive thoughts about it and tell myself that it was a chance to make the rest of my life better. A couple days later ~ still doing some of the same bad habits ~ stupid evil voice is telling me ~ same old Gayle ~ you haven't changed. I need to stomp on her and tell her to shut up like the others said. Listen here you evil voice... I need to change ~ I will change ~ every day is a new day ~ another chance to make better choices ~ one day at a time ~ little changes ~ I WILL GET THERE!!!!!

Hang in there everyone ~ we can do this!!!

[Amanda Panda]

What helped me a lot was not allowing myself to dwell too much on all the negative thoughts bombarding my brain, and just bullying my way through what I knew needed to be done, i.e. eating right and exercising.

I agree 100% Beverly! I was just sat here thinking - what is different this time, from all the other times, that I am now close to losing 40lb? Beverly has it spot on (for me anyway) - this time I am just doing what I need to do. I still have days where I overeat, but I don't beat myself up about it, I just get straight back on track the next day. I have lost the 'all or nothing' approach which was a warped sign of my perfectionism and leads me to just giving up. I am also being alot more pateint with myself and trying to talk to myself more positively.

I hear you Jenaya when you say 'everyone else can do this, why can't I?' - I have felt exactly like that for soooooooo long. It is only now, at 37lb lost that I am 'daring to dream' that I AM ACTUALLY DOING IT THIS TIME!!

My best advice would be to take some baby steps to start with, just keep putting one foot in front of the other and try to turn those critical thoughts into more nurturing positive ones - it's hard but it really helps!

Congrats on losing the first 20lb !

Love Amanda x

[funniegrrl]

I felt like that most of my life. What's lead me to lose 170 pounds this time is that I finally understood that negative self-talk was destructive, and that I needed to engage in CONSTANT positive self-talk, even if I didn't believe it.

I worked to find GOOD things to say about myself and my efforts, to ACKNOWLEDGE accomplishments, no matter how small. Drank all your water today? Great! Turned down that second helping? AWESOME. Avoided an all-out binge, even though we had a slip? Atta girl! Went for a walk today, even though we didn't feel "motivated?" Way to go!

Notice those self-pats don't have anything to do with the scale.

Concentrate on the LIFESTYLE CHANGES and CHANGES IN ATTITUDE about food and activity. Praise yourself for THOSE accomplishments. Let that praise boost your confidence about your ability to do what you need to do. The weight will then take care of itself sooner or later.

In fact ... I essentially did not know my weight for the first 6 months I was on my program, because I knew concentrating on that would derail me. I also did not set a goal that had anything to do with the "ideal" weight for my height. By shooting for what had been my lowest adult weight -- 220 -- to begin with, I took off some of that pressure. I stopped worrying about any pie-in-the-sky goal, and decided that losing ANY weight would help my health and improve my quality of life. I thought 220 was almost an impossible dream. And here I am now, less than 10 pounds away from the top of that "ideal" weight range. I finally did it because I valued the LIFE and the freedom from the prison of food and inactivity more than the weight.

[alphabetsoup]

Everyone has said such wise things already and I just found myself nodding as I read. I'm only 16 pounds down this time - but I really think things are different. I'm happy as can be with even a 1 pound loss which would have completey derailed me in the past. I'm still allowing myself to eat over my calorie limit sometimes - but I"m making healthier choices all around and eating much less. In fact, tonight, I went out to dinner with my mom - Mexican food - I had an enchilada, tamale and some beans...I say "some beans" because I realized as I was eating them that I didn't want them, I wasn't hungry, and I wasn't LOVING them - I PUSHED THE PLATE AWAY! I stopped eating! This is HUGE for me. So, I'm not beating myself up for going 300 over my calorie limit today, I'm just so proud that I stopped eating when I was full. Don't get too caught up in the "details" of losing weight - congratulate yourself on all the little life changes you are making each day - the numbers on the scale will follow - they have to.

However - if you really feel like you are doing everything right and still no budge - I'd schedule an appointment to see your doctor just to check and make sure everything is on track - sometimes hidden things like your thyroid can completely stall your weightloss.

(HUGS)

[Jenaya]

I am so grateful to this group and to all of you for your words of insight - Thank you, it was just what I needed to get going again. Sometimes we feel as if we struggle alone with some of these feelings and thoughts and just putting it out there and knowing that it is felt by many is comforting - kinda normalizes things. I also value the advice of you thin for life folks and how you reframed this thinking to help yourself succeed. You truly are my mentors (Beverly, Funniegrrl and all of you) and I so appreciate you taking the time to motivate and offer suggestion when I am flailing. I hope I can offer the same support back to each of you. We are all in this together and will all get to the final goal - one baby step at a time. I was reading through another forum and one members signature includes the phrase "shut up and go get your runners on". I laughed out loud at that and perhaps that will be my mantra for that evil inner fat chick voice. Thanks again, I don't know what I would do without my boost from friends here, it keeps me going. As for the positive self talk - I like the comment about "even if you don't believe it, keep saying it" so, here it goes....

Jenaya

[boiaby]

I'm glad it seemed to help Jenaya, you sure do sound better. I like "shut up and get your runners on" it's very fitting. Sometimes you gotta just do it, especially when you don't particularly feel like it. And not just about the exercise either, this goes for the food choices as well. When a craving hits we know what we need to do, and ultimately, it's solely our own choice whether we give into it or not.

this time I am just doing what I need to do. I still have days where I overeat, but I don't beat myself up about it, I just get straight back on track the next day. I have lost the 'all or nothing' approach which was a warped sign of my perfectionism and leads me to just giving up.

You said it Amanda, this makes all the difference in the world, doesn't it? In fact I just posted something regarding this very feeling in my blog a few days ago after I had let myself overindulge in a tempting treat. One of the very most important things I've learned throughout this journey is that if you mess up (and we're gonna mess up!) you just have to get right back on plan and try to do better next time. Giving up solves nothing and only enables the cycle to continue, so what good does that do, right?

I'll tell you what, we've got some pretty smart cookies around here, and I'm grateful for each and every one of you.

Beverly

* Hey, did someone say cookies??

[Amanda Panda]

@ Beverley!!

[heather_dw]

Wow.. it sounds like you are in my head..

I've been stuck in fat girl mode for months..

my inner voices says
"you fail, you always do, so why even bother. You have always been fat, you will always be fat so accept it.

I'm really trying not to listen but it is really hard. I always felt, like you.. that everyone else could do it but there was something wrong with me because I couldn't.

Everyone here has given great advice and I am going to try to take it!