Location: I live in spruce grove, alberta, canada.
Posts: 44
What is going on??
Well, the wierdest thing,...my grandmother is going to get married. It is very strange.
Let me explain,...my grannie and grandpy were married for 52 years, he passed away 5 years ago. Since then grannie has had cancer, chemo(i believe that's how you spell it) it went away, but then she had to have her one leg amputated and is now in a wheel chair. The cancer has also come back. The doctor explained that they can do chemo treatments again, but the cancer will probably not go away this time.
She is currently living in an old folks home, well more of an elderly apartment complex with live in cooks, and nurses. She still has her own apartment, etc.
Anyways, about 4 months ago she met this man named George who also lives there and all of a sudden they're getting married.
It's not that I don't want her to be happy, but at their age, I don't understand why they HAVE to get married. To be honest, he seems very fishy to me, and I am kind of scared, as are some other family members, that he wants to marry her quick before she passes so he can get her money.
I am also a little upset because well,...I never thought she'd ever want to marry another man. After 52 years of being married to my wonderful grandpa....I just don't get it. I used to see them holding hands walking down the street. And I thought,...that's what love really is...but now I'm not so sure.
Anyways, on a side note, I am at 287, 13 lbs down from where I originally started at the beginning of the year. And another 4 lbs from the last time. I hope it's accurate because it's sure making me feel good!
I hope everyone has a great day....not sure why I wrote about this, I guess I just needed to get it off my chest. Any thoughts??
This is a very delicate issue. Quite frankly, i beleive that you should let her do what she beleives is the best for her and that will make her happy; especially if she has limited time ahead of her....
You also have to understand that people in their 70's or 80's have a different mentality than following generations regarding marital status. Living together without getting married is a quite common thing for us.......It was not back in the 40's and 50's......
As for the fear of having your grandma future husband taking all her money, i will not comment long on this issue, but you may want to ask yourself why an elderly man, who, just as your grandma has limited time ahead fo him would want to get all of her money.....
Your right it does sound fishy. However people can get really lonely and I would not be too hard on her about it. As for the money it's hers so if that's her choice then she might as well be happy her last bit of time here. So as long as she is of sound mind I would just let it be and let her live her life as she always has. I might tend to think a little different if she was younger and in better health because then she would need what she has to fall back on for herself. Since she is in the health that you say I can't see making a fuss over it and making her upset and maybe even ruining the relationship you have.
I know it's got to be hard for you but think of how hard it must be on her. To have that kind of love for 52 years and then lose it. Think of how alone she must feel. Sorry you are having to go though this. I hope things work out for the best.
Well, I think its lovely that your grandmother has found someone who makes her happy after she's suffered the loss of a beloved spouse, gone through chemo once already, suffered an amputation and is now facing cancer once again. In fact, I think she's blessed for having someone to care for and support her during the difficult times ahead. Of course family members give care and support, but they have their own lives to lead as well. George can be there for her always and that's extremely important. If you're wondering whether love can bloom in four months, I assure you it can. If you think she's forgotten her happiness of 52 years with your grandfather, I'll say she's tucked him away in a special place in her heart and is willing to recapture some of that same happiness. I'm sure your grandfather would want her to be happy. As for the money ~ why is that a concern? If she's happy enough in her new life to decide to leave her money to the person who brings her that happiness, then that's her choice. After all, it is HER money (and not her family's inheritance).
I have to say that when I read this, my response was EXACTLY that of Jill....and since she said it all so beautifully, I'll just nod, point at her, and say, "What she said."
Ok. The only thing I would add is my own perspective on the additional nuance of going through a life-threatening illness. What many of us conclude at some point in or after the process, is that life is too short for regret, and that the important things haven't got ANYTHING to do with money. Your perspective is narrowed down to love, caring, and positive energy -- and unbridled gratitude for the opportunity to give and receive all of those. If, after all she's been through, she's got that opportunity -- and it sounds like she has -- I think the people who love her should celebrate this new, potentially final chapter in her life. This is not a time for cynicism or strife. It's a time for unconditional support, when she needs it most from her family.
Last edited by lessofsarahtolove; 07-15-2005 at 01:09 PM.
Based upon what you wrote, RainyAfternoon, I don't think it's fishy in the least--people who are old and/or ill can give and receive love just as well as the young and able-bodied. Why automatically assume George has less than honourable intentions?
I agree with everything Jill wrote. I think frenchie makes a good point too.
Everyone has a good point, Rainy, but I just want to chip in and say that I can see how you would be hurt by this. You must be feeling a lot of really, really mixed emotions and that is often painful. It's ok if you're upset because deep down inside you feel like Grandma is "replacing" Grandpa. Things will be a little weird and different, but try to soldier through without bitterness. It will make everyone's lives a lot easier; most importantly yours. Take care.
Location: I live in spruce grove, alberta, canada.
Posts: 44
Thanks for all of your responses =) I totally agree as well. I do definitely want her to be happy. And she sure is,...you can tell after being around her for 2 minutes that she's happier. I guess it's just...well...something I never thought about happening. But life is crazy isn't it? Thanks again,..you guys made me feel better about the situation.
What is going on??
