[mellbell491]

Hey guys, I just wanted to say hi and find out where I kind of belong on this site. I'm 20years old and I live in Michigan! I have lately been very upset and drained physically and mentally from my low self-esteem. I'm 5'2 and I weigh 118 and honestly I'm not happy, I've lost about 20lbs in the past year yet I'm still not happy with myself. I would like to be about 105-110 and it seems as if I jsut can't reach that goal! I was just wondering what are some of the diets you've guys tried..I've done everything from pills, to exercising to starving myself! It's been hectic and I sometimes worry I do have an eating disorder cause I catch myself feeling guilty after eating or I don't eat at all somedays I've purged..there's times when I binge eat then don't eat at all the next day! And deep down I'm worried and I have no one really to turn to. It's causing a huge hole in my relationship with my boyfriend beacuse he's tired of hearing me rip myself down to shreds, and it's to the point I hate when he even touches me! I don't know I just wonder if I'll ever be happy... well it's nice to meet everyone...looking forward to making friends through this site! thanks again guys good luck to all ofu

[spillthebeans]

MellBell, first off welcome to the 20-somethings board. I'm glad you found us!

I hear you loud and clear. I struggle with some of the things that you have mentioned. I worry about what I have eaten, or didn't eat. I found what has really kept me focused is to think more not about my weight...although I do, but really focus on being healthy.

I plan my healthy meals, I make time to go work out. I try and stay on a schedule. I'm very organized in all other aspects of my life, so organizing my meals and workouts has really helped me. It keeps me so I don't overeat here and there, and I'm seeing results from excercising. Pretty much what works is the basics, Eat Right & Excercise.

Take care of yourself first and everything else will fall in to place. Good Luck to you.

[NYCT1981]

mellbell... i felt the same way that you did, in college. there was a lot of pressure to be thin. something i have realized is that being skinny doesn't solve life's problems, and it doesn't turn you in to a princess. Case in point: When I was 130 pounds strugging to get to 120 through extreme exercise and little eating, I was miserable. I still thought I was fat, I was crabby all the time, my boyfriend was sick and tired of saying "YOU AREN'T FAT" it was just making me crazy : I ended up gaining weight, which of course led to more self hatred.

I had a counselor my senior year in college because of this, and also a tough breakup with my boyfriend of 4 years. He helped me to realize that my happiness doesn't depend on how much I weigh, it depends on how I feel about myself. People don't love me because of my weight, they love me for me.

Anyway, I hate to go on and on, but here's my point (ah yes I knew I had a point): I weigh 160 pounds. Am I fat? Not really, I guess chubby, but I look good. I want to lose weight for my looks, my health and also if i want to have kids some day, and I am going to, but I am just so happy with my life that it doesn't matter how long it takes. I've only been losing 1 to 1.5 pounds a week, and that is fine with me.

mellbell, i am sure you are a beautiful girl, and if you want to lose a couple of pounds for yourself, i understand, but don't let it control your life, or destroy your body. I'm around any time you want to talk!!!

[mellbell491]

thanks so much guys! Tanny i see your deffinately ALOT of support around this site! I see your post everywhere. As soon as I saw you wrote my bf is sick of telling me 'your not fat' sounds to familiar. That's the thing I have good days and bad days! And I think it's just really hard in today's society with how everyone is so thin and always working on how they can look better! I think the only person i look up to in celebrity ways is kelly clarkson she is absolutely amazing how she doesn't care how much she weighs or what she looks like and she's completely successful! I don't know well I'm gonna start on Monday a strict healthy diet, if anyone has ANY suggestions HELP ME OUT!!!!!! thanks again