Hi Suzanne! Welcome to LWL! Mel's the expert trainer here and really knows her stuff, so I can't add much to what she said. But I thought I'd pass along a few personal experiences and comments about nutrition.
BFL is a great program and has a lot to offer but it's not a Bible. Don't be afraid to experiment a bit and find what fits
your body and
your lifestyle. The goal is to create an eating and exercise plan that Suzanne can live with for the rest of her life. So, in my opinion, it's OK to tweak BFL to suit you (others might disagree, of course).
When you look at nutrition, there's no magic to 40/40/20. I lost my weight on 45/25/30 and others have lost on other ratios. Experiment and see what your body responds to best (and that you can comfortably live with!).
Calories -- I started at 1600 calories at 257 pounds. By the time I got to your weight, I was at about 1200 - 1400 calories and kept it about there until I reached my goal. So I agree with your calculations since the same levels worked for me.
What to eat pre- and post-workout? Experts seem to be all over the place about whether and what to eat before exercise, so I think the answer is: whatever works for you. Some people like AM cardio on an empty stomach; others would die if they tried doing it that way. Lots of people need to eat a bit before working out with weights. I think there IS an consensus that you should have a meal with at least protein within an hour after working out. I've also heard that this is a good time to have carbs with a meal (if you're otherwise limiting carbs).
I've been doing early cardio before breakfast and lifting later in the day, about two hours after a meal. When I finish the workout, it's time for my next meal so I race home and bolt it down.
It always has protein; sometimes carbs, sometimes only veggies.
I wouldn't sweat adding foods to the authorized BFL lists so long as they are nutritious and wholesome (you're not talking about processed "diet" junk food, I assume -- like WOW chips and fat free hot dogs).
The key to nutrition, in my opinion, is tracking what you're eating every day (like in Fitday) and staying in your chosen range for calories and protein, carbs, and fats. If you can see exactly what you've been eating and how your body reacts to it, it's easy to adjust what you're doing to maximize results.
Hope that helps a little! Keep posting and let us know how you're doing.