OK, I just have a sec so tell me if I am nuts or not here....
I saw this girl the night before last, we had a good chat, it was nice to catch up and I enjoyed the chat, but we haven't been good friends over the past year because of some comments she made about my neice when she was born and on life support, she said it didnt' matter as much if she died, because she was a baby and it would be worse if it was a person you "knew". I was choked. She was so insensitive - that baby was my family and I dont' care if I didnt' "know" her, that's my sister's baby for the love of god. Plus, she is very negative and has done some crappy stuff, like sending me e-mails that say her BF's sister thinks I am materialistic and she agrees, or that I rub her nose in my job (she hasn't held down a job since university, mostly b/c her attitude sucks, she won't start work before 9am and hates to really work, admittedly). So, when I see her I try not to talk about my job or new house, or what have you. I also dont feel she should be in my wedding party. And if she was a good friend, she'd just accept that i am not having her. But, I did ask her to do a reading at the ceremony, which I thought was a nice way to include her and is an important job too....this is the e-mail I got the next day:
To be perfectly honest, I am a little hurt about alot of things, the way our
friendship has been going for example. For the past year, I have felt we've
been growing so far apart. I feel like sometimes I don't have a place in
your life at all. Every time I ask about arranging a coffee chat, I have to
book one or two months in advance. It feels crazy to me.
I'm still even more hurt that you e-mailed me about your engagement rather
than calling me. I really felt that I dropped down to the bottom of
priorities in your life. I don't deserve to be a maid of honour but it would have been a "honour" to be a
part of your big day. I feel excluded from the biggest day of your life.
While it is nice of you to ask me to speak at your wedding, it really would
have been nice to have felt like I could have played a bigger part in your
wedding somehow.
I've come to realize that friendships dynamics change and although we don't
see or talk to eachother as much, we can always remain friends which is an
important part too. Since you mentioned the hurt thing, I guess it was time
to get this out in the open.
I also realize I shouldn't compare my life to yours because it is wrong and
we all live different paths. Certainly we have different dreams and wants
and goals. I am trying so hard not to do that and it is very hard. I know
I need to follow my heart and do what I think is best for me. That to be
happy, I need to focus and figure out what I can do to up my chances of
getting what I want or need and doing the right things to get there. I
think I'll get there eventually.
As for the friendship, I am not expecting things to go back the way they
used to be and if you change your mind about me being a speaker, I'll
understand. I just couldn't hide my feelings anymore about how I feel and
lie and pretend that everything is okay cuz it isn't. I'm acknowledging my
hurt and eventually I think the pain will subside.
_______________
So, I am pretty choked. Firstly, this is melodramatic. Second, this IS the biggest day of my life and I dont' feel that I should be made guilty for not having her in the wedding party.
Barney is going to the vet and he'll likely be put to sleep tonight, even though I am not ready to face it. He had 2 seizures in a row and his eyes are bulging and he is all swollen up. It's hard because, like this morning, he was happy and throwing his bone around....I have to determine if the good times still outweigh the bad, and if his quality of life is there.
I know he is 15, and at the end of his life, either way. I know it's a matter of weeks, or months at the most. I just don't think I can make the decision to let him go. I love him so much. I rescued him from a gas station and I nursed him back to health, and I am not ready to let him go. But on the other hand, I know I can't let him suffer or not have any more dignity.
DF is coming with me...and my mom....just in case. I know the vet thinks I need to let him go with dignity. But what if he is better tomorrow? What if he perks up? He still loves walks and food and sniffing the other dog's bum! How can I let him go when he still loves life?
And then I feel selfish b/c my bosses mom is dying of lung cancer....no one will let her go with dignity, she'll have to fight to the end and it's a gruesome fight. But still, he's like my baby. It's not easy.
Belle--Just a quick thought (I'll post more later) about Barney. Is there any medicine to give him during seizures to help him out? And if the vet says no, get a second opinion from another vet. Maybe there's something that can be done to make his bad days a little better. I'll write more on this as soon as I get back from lunch. Just hang in there, kiddo, I know you're having a rough one.
Hi Belle - sounds like a rough couple of days. As far as the wedding goes, I say have it out with her. Tell her in person exactly how you feel and why you reacted the way you did and give her a chance to tell her side. It sounds like she may choose to be mature about it and do a great job at the reading, or she may step down. Over either to her as an option. When planning my best Friend's wedding the other two bridesmaids were idiots - they didn't like this and they didn't want that - it was my job to tell them to suck it up because it wasn't about them. Do you have someone that can do that for you? Eventually, my friend told them if they didn't like it she would totally understand and not be hurt in any way that they decided to step out of the wedding party. That shut both of them up and she had a happy wedding day because she didn't have to worry about. So I say - FEEL NO GUILT!! It's YOUR day and everyone else can suck it up.
Barney is another story - I'm sorry he's not doing too well. See what the vet says. Your heart will tell you the right decision. And remember regardless, that abandoned dog at the gas station has had a life of love and happiness that never would have happened if you hadn't taken him in.
Belle - I replied to you in the Tuesday thread, but I agree with KT. It is YOUR day. Tell her that or if you aren't comfortable have someone else tell her. I'm so sorry to hear about your dog =( My parents had to put one of our cats to sleep a couple of years ago, but he was very sick (diabetes and intestinal problems). It got to the point where we could tell in his eyes that he was just not there. I agree with Jess. Get a second opinion. This may be something that is treatable. It also depends on your financial situation.
Well, I used The FIRM today. This is my 3rd time using it. I really like it, except that they are VERY long. Every workout is an hour. Does anyone else use it?
Unfortunately my eating was not as good, but I am going to try to do better for dinner.
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Hi ladies~
You all sound like you have been friend forever?
I hope you don't mind me joining in...if you do just send me a message. I will not be offended, I understand when people get a group together.
If not, I would love to join you all.
I wish you luck with your dog, Barney. It is hard, we had the same issue last fall. I think it is harder with the little dogs.... I don't know why? I just think so? Maybe it is because the larger dogs show there age more?
I am getting in diet mode...it is hard to get into the groove, but I am really motivated. I have a wedding to attend next month and I am going to the "Cape" (cape cod) in June....I really don't want to be bigger than last year seeing I was nine months pregnant
Right now I am about 186! jeez its been a while since I shared my weight with anyone....but what a way to break the ice, right?
Wedding Blues Wednesday
jeez its been a while since I shared my weight with anyone....but what a way to break the ice, right?
