Tomorrow (11/17) is the anniversary of my father's death from cancer. Even though it will be eight years ago tomorrow, the anniversary is always a horrible day for me. I'm usually on the verge of tears most of the day, cope with it by overeating (usually something chocolate) and crying when I'm alone.
I know my father wouldn't have wanted me to spend the day like this...
Does anyone who has been through this have any helpful ideas? I'm going to start the day with a fun workout (Christi or Donna Richardson) wear bright red or purple (not black) and bring some upbeat music to listen to at work (I hope this helps).
My biggest sadness is that my father wasn't alive to see our wonderful son matthew.
I'm so sorry--it's so hard to lose a beloved parent.
Have you thought about writing a special letter to him, or just writing down your thoughts and memories of him? That would be a special gift to your son. How about going through old photos and picking out special ones to put in a special "Grandpa Book?" Try to make the day more about good memories you shared with your Dad rather than about missing him, if you know what I mean. And try not to be alone since it sounds like being alone is when you tend to overeat.
Good luck--I know tomorrow is going to be incredibly hard for you, but I'm so glad that you shared this challenge. That really shows that you're thinking about new ways of handling things that don't involve food.
Sheila i can relate cause i lost my dad when i was 8 and he never met any of his grandchildren. I lost him on August 13th and i still have a hard time on that day. I try to go to the cemetary and visit him on that day and really try to keep busy. I am 27 and i am still weepy that day every year. I dont have much else to offer other than sympothy and just to stay out of the house where there are food temptations cause that is how i got through that tough day for me. {{{{hugs}}}}}
have you ever thought of scrapbooking? i would think that it may be therapeutic to go through all the old pics and have fun making a wonderful life journal that the future generations could enjoy. then all of his grandchildren and great grandchilren can know him exactly how you choose to portray him in his scrapbook...just a thought....
wishing you peace tomorrow....
I lost my beloved grandmother a week after 9-11, after a second battle w/bladder cancer. She was like a mother to me, I still miss her terribly.
What I did on the first anniversary of her death was took the day off work & went for a walk in the woods. To see all the colors changing on the trees was great.
I have a harder time w/her birthday (May 27) b/c it's Memorial Day weekend, usually around unhealthy foods & family, so eating peer pressure is on. Also, I used to spend Christmas going to church w/her, so that is hard & also Easter.
You miss them every day, and you're right, he would not want to see you hurting & moping. I think the suggestion about making a Grandpa Book for Matthew is a wonderful one. You could get the rest of your family to share their memories & pictures for it, too. I'm sure you're not the only one who misses him & will be having a hard time tomorrow. Maybe you could be w/other people who loved him, too.
my sympathies to you all. my dad died about 4 and a half years ago, and i talk to him every day, just about. even if just for a couple of minutes. i don't turn to food though, because he was very worried about my weight - i was nearky 500 pounds when he died - but rather think about how proud he would have been of me, and how happy too.
it's hard. it doesn't ever go away, does it... just hold him in your heart, and keep him as alive as possible for your son...
I just lost my dad this past february. It was sudden, a heart attack and he was gone before I got to the hospital.
I don't know how I will be that first year on that day, I am going through a break-up right now, coming up the 5th anniversary of my grandmother's passing (she was like a mom to me as well) and my guy pals grandmother who passed two weeks after my dad (who took my grandmothers place when she passed).
Sometimes the loss just feels like it will overwhelm me, but I somehow make it through. I just try to spend time with those I love, cry when I need to cry and feel glad that I still feel that way, as long as it feels like that they will still be with me.....
I would spend the time trying to replace the bad habits with good.....come up with a new family tradition, include your son. Drive to someplace that he loved, cook or go out and have his favorite food, start a new memory on that day, one of celebration through the sadness....that is what I did for the scattering of my dad's ashes, it was beautiful.
I, too, extend sympathies to all those who have lost parents. I'm very fortunate in that both my parents are alive and well. I know when you get to be my age you have to think about the inevitability of losing parents, but I'm sure when the time comes it'll still be so difficult to accept.
Sherry, I think the suggestions people have made about putting together a "grandpa" album of pictures and perhaps written memories is a wonderful idea, so that your dad can be a part of your son's life and memory. Sharing memories of happy times will allow you to smile through your tears, and making a "memory book" is a way of celebrating your dad's life rather than mourning it. And remember, even though you feel sad that your dad didn't live to see your son, a part of your dad will always live on through your son.
need help getting through the day tomorrow
