[shadybaby1123]

hello! my name is theresa and i will be 17 in about two weeks. i am posting this because i feel that an eating disorder is starting to control my life. i do not have anorexia or bulemia but i have very poor eating habits and at times, my size is all i can think of. over the summer i was at 112 lbs (i am 5'2") which was the first time i was entire content with how i looked and felt. the problem was that i had gotten to that size by losing 8 pounds in a week due to being sick. the weight came back and since i recently lost my seasonal summer job, i am gaining more weight due to compulsive eating at home. i work out every day at powerhouse and i have gym class in which i play a sport or work out four days a week. everyday i drink a lot of water and start my day with a healthy diet in mind but by the end of the day, bordom and hunger from not eating properly cause me to binge, upsetting my stomach sometimes making me sick. i get frustrated with working out cuz instead of losing weight i am gaining it and it isnt in muscle cuz the inches are going up too. i dont know how to fix what i am doing and get back to that weight i was happy with. my mom tells me i'm beautiful and that 120 isn't fat but she can't change my mind of how i feel about myself. nobody can. i understand that i'm not fat. i don't at all feel that i am fat. i just don't feel that i am skinny enough compared to girls at school and i just know i feel better smaller. i like the feeling of confidence and not constantly worrying about what i'm putting in my mouth and what people think of me. if anyone has advice or suggestions i would really appreciate them. thank you.