I have no idea how to word the title.. Anyway, has anyone else here had insecurities when their partner has said nice things about another woman's body? He's the most amazing and supportive man, and he's NEVER said anything to hurt me etc, but I just can't handle it when he says something like 'I find Jenifer Hawkins cute' or 'Gee she works hard for her body'.
I always seem to take them as a personal attack on my own body, and I KNOW men peeve etc, which he doesn't do overly obviously anyway. I just hate how I take things so personally. I mean, I think Kevin Bacon and Hugh Laurie are very attractive, Kevin for example works very hard for his body, but even knowing I do the same thing, I just can't fix things in my head.
Has anyone felt similar? How can I get over it? Please don't think I'm terrible
If your'e terrible, then I am too. I think your reaction is quite typical. Have you told your partner that these types of comments are upsetting to you? I love my husband but of course I think some celebrities have incredible physiques, but I don't tell him that because I know he's very overweight and I doubt it would make him feel good. If he's an amazing, supportive man who would never want to hurt you then I'm sure he would want to know that these types of comments make you feel uncomfortable. It would be easiest for him to himself rather than to change your reaction to it.
On the other hand, if you really want to know what he's thinking and you would like to change your reaction, then you could just focus on how much he loves you and that he's merely stating a fact about someone's appearance.
I'm not sure if that's helpful or not, but I do hope so.
I think those types of comments have more to do with how you feel about yourself than they do about how he feels about you or those women he comments about. Unless he is constantly commenting on other people's bodies then I would chalk it up to your own sensitivity. If this is not a typical thing that he does I would definitely not try to censor him. After all, some people are very beautiful and there is nothing wrong with appreciating beauty. I wouldn't want anyone telling me that I can't crush on Mark Wahlberg but between me and hubs we're pretty secure with ourselves and can easily banter about this without any ill feelings.
In the meantime, the most productive thing you can do is work on your own body image - appreciate your body for what it is! Give yourself lots of compliments and try to fight negative thoughts. You'll feel much better about yourself and comments about other women (especially about women your boyfriend will NEVER even be in the same room with) won't bother you at all. After all, insecurity is quite unattractive.
Make it clear to your husband how it affects you, he is probably clueless since he is not really comparing you with them but appreciating the eye candy... just like you with Kevin Bacon.
This might be TMI but I always get a bit of an ego boost when I catch hubby checking me out or when we are making love and he pays extra attention to whichever area, he does it out of pleasure so he obviously likes it.
From 135kg to 85kg there is a world of difference, so while I am sure you still have a long list of things you don't like about your body, how about you appreciate the improvements? if you must compare, compare your old body to your new one, not to some photoshopped celebrity.
He's not my hubby yet!! We've only been together for 11 months, he's 58 and I'm 27, so a pretty big age gap, so there's a few different viewpoints as there is with different generations.
It's definitely more of my problem than his though. So I just need to focus on helping my own self image. I had a tummy tuck last year, and that's helped a bit, though I keep feeling as though maybe that has contributed to me wanting to continually perfect myself.. I focus more on my flaws than my positive attributes. I'm not insecure from the outside looking in, not at all, so the 'unatractiveness' of being insecure doesn't bother me. It's just something I keep in my head and it just builds up.
Thank you for the replies though, I will keep working on learning to love my own body
Men are easy. They assume everything is fine because if it isn't, you'll say something. That's how they do things. If something bugs them, they say so. Wacky, crazy notion, huh?
Just tell him it bugs you - it doesn't have to be a long speech about your feelings and how you wish you weren't like this and how you don't want to make demands and blah, blah, blah. Just tell him it bugs you. He will get it and he will stop.
It is unlikely that he will have any sort of emotional response. It's possible he will say he's sorry you felt bad and will convince you that he meant nothing by it, but it's more likely that he will be like, "Huh. Didn't know it bugged her. I'll quit that," and not give it another thought.
Guys are so easy. But they really do operate on the assumption that All Is Well until they're told, because that's how they do things. Ask one, he'll tell you.
Last edited by Stripes 237; 06-02-2015 at 01:22 PM.
How to overcome insecurity about body image?
I think your reaction is quite typical. Have you told your partner that these types of comments are upsetting to you? I love my husband but of course I think some celebrities have incredible physiques, but I don't tell him that because I know he's very overweight and I doubt it would make him feel good. If he's an amazing, supportive man who would never want to hurt you then I'm sure he would want to know that these types of comments make you feel uncomfortable. It would be easiest for him to himself rather than to change your reaction to it. 
