parents keep saying I "lost too much" (ed mention i guess?)
Just a little frustration situation I wanted to get some advice/perspective on. So I'm losing at a very healthy rate, usually 1 lbs or less per week. I started this journey December of last year, so my parents know how much I'm at it. I'm going particularly slow right now because I'm overloaded with classes until one course ends at the end of April, so I'm going to the gym 3 times a week instead of the usual 5-6. I also ate tons of chocolate on Easter, I'm really not cutting back at all, so my progress has been particularly slow in March and this month.
I always eat a lot around people, I don't have a problem with it. Since I eat well (or at least I try to), I can eat large portions and they see me eat. But my parents keep saying I'm "too thin", that I'm "losing too much" even though I still look quite chubby (my BMI may be normal now, thank goodness, but my body fat percentage is particularly high). I've also had other friends keep checking up on me, asking if I was doing it "the right way" and if I was eating okay. If they asked one time or another, fine, they're taking care of me, but I'm getting it all the time, and it's honestly annoying for people to keep talking about my weight that way taking no consideration to what I'm saying. I don't even respond with "I'm not even close to my goal" or whatever like I used to, I just tell them that I'm happy and healthy and whatever changes my body goes through is a result of that and not my ultimate goal anymore. Even so, it's really bothersome to have to explain to them that I'm fine, eating super well, taking weight loss slowly and in a healthy manner.
Plus, I lost ten pounds. In like 15-16 weeks. Come on. That is NOT too much.
Is there even a solution to this kind of mess? Or do I just have to bear through it?
Care to tell me how you did it? We're the same height and I am currently around your starting weight but want to end up in the 135p range. I bust my butt for months and the scale won't budge. I can't get any lower than 143p. I'm probably a lot older than you though (and take certain medication) which can make things harder.
As far as other people I can relate because people tell me "I'm so thin" but really I'm not. I find it's best to not tell people anything. If they ask any more questions just say you're no longer dieting and change the subject. It's none of their business anyway. If you said you're 98 pounds then I can see a reason for concern but that's not the case. Your goal is not unrealistic.
People can become really annoying about weight loss.
I'm guessing you are still pretty young, are you in high school? Because if that's the case, it might just be that people assume young people don't know how to lose weight healthy since eating disorders are so prevalent at that age and everyone is warned against them. It puts people, particularly parents and adults in a panic that any weight loss means "eating disorder" for young girls, especially if no one in the family knows anything about what healthy weight loss looks like. It might just be ten pounds, but the smaller you are, the bigger difference one pound makes.
For the parents, you might be able to calm them down with a doctors trip, and get the doctor to back you up that you are, indeed, healthy and doing this right. The doctors okay might help with other family and close friends too. As for others, I agree with Novagel about not saying as much, or at least not the word "dieting". I find when I say the word "diet" most people for some crazy reason seem to hear "I have no self esteem and am punishing and depriving myself in a way that is emotionally abusive, and I think you're fat". Life style change seems to work better.
I'm in the " everyone is noticing the weight loss" stage, but I'm still obese so haven't had to worry about any "too thin" comments. Just a lot of advice from people who don't even do what they suggest. But its really not that bad, and I like the compliments! Good luck, and hopefully peoples comments and concerns will die down over time
Last edited by SenseAndSensibility; 04-08-2015 at 12:37 AM.
It's funny how weightloss affects the people around us. Gain 20lbs and nobody says a word, lose 5 and suddenly your body becomes public property, everyone has something to say about it.
You can talk to your parents about some of the changes you've made but always keep the focus on how these changes make you feel rather than how they make you look. "I have more energy, I found out that eating sugar daily was making me feel sluggish, too much coffee made me anxious and when I eat more veggies my skin clears up, this is not just about weight loss."
When it comes to strangers I like to be more firm because it's really out of line to make my body a topic of discussion. I'm not too thin, too fat, too anything that warrants you to criticize me. Let's talk about some real topics here and keep your thoughts about my body private.
If you like zingy sarcasm try saying something like "wow you sure are noticing a lot of details about me, so we get to scrutinize your body and food intake next?"
The young fall into the trap of engaging in conversation about their bodies too much. It's sets a precedent for the long run so nip it in the bud. I did the same thing, always trying to validate what I was doing and trying to convince others that I was ok. Dude it's none of your business what goes into my mouth.
It's funny how weightloss affects the people around us. Gain 20lbs and nobody says a word, lose 5 and suddenly your body becomes public property, everyone has something to say about it.
You can talk to your parents about some of the changes you've made but always keep the focus on how these changes make you feel rather than how they make you look. "I have more energy, I found out that eating sugar daily was making me feel sluggish, too much coffee made me anxious and when I eat more veggies my skin clears up, this is not just about weight loss."
When it comes to strangers I like to be more firm because it's really out of line to make my body a topic of discussion. I'm not too thin, too fat, too anything that warrants you to criticize me. Let's talk about some real topics here and keep your thoughts about my body private.
If you like zingy sarcasm try saying something like "wow you sure are noticing a lot of details about me, so we get to scrutinize your body and food intake next?"
The young fall into the trap of engaging in conversation about their bodies too much. It's sets a precedent for the long run so nip it in the bud. I did the same thing, always trying to validate what I was doing and trying to convince others that I was ok. Dude it's none of your business what goes into my mouth.
WOW love your zigy comebacks, and positive advise!!
It's funny how weightloss affects the people around us. Gain 20lbs and nobody says a word, lose 5 and suddenly your body becomes public property, everyone has something to say about it.
I just want to say, as someone that has gained ( during pregnancy) and lost a decent amount of weight several times (see ticker) This is too true. And annoying. I remember posting about this just a year and a half ago with my 3rd baby, that I was not looking forward to the comments and questions that come with losing weight.
Every time I tried to lose weight people asked how the weight loss was coming and they looked at me as if I was too fat and judged me like I wasn't doing it fast enough, at least you're at the other end of the scale!!
People will always want to poke their nose in your business the second they find out you're on a diet or trying to get healthy. Don't let them push you around. If they start they'll never stop.
It sounds like you are doing it right. I have found that if I am negative about my body (ie. I have lost weight but I am still chubby, or I'm still no where near where I want to be) then people assume the worst. I think it's the idea that they see you as much-improved, and if you do not focus on the improvement your "low-self-esteem" may cause you to diet too much/too extreme, etc.
So make sure when people talk about your body/weight you are not giving them negative responses (I know you said you aren't but it's good to make sure those comments don't pop up as responses or just as comments in general).
I think your family and friends may be a little jealous of your success and that can manifest as finding reasons to discount your successes. It's probably not conscious jealousy, but it's still not helpful. This is especially likely if you have friends or family that are struggling with weight management -- I know that some of my friends who have a harder time losing weight assume that if someone else doesn't have as hard a time, then they must be doing something extreme.
I would agree with most of the other responses. See a doctor and/or let your friends know that your doctor approves of your weight loss and that the rate and way you are losing is medically recommended. Focus on feeling good, having energy, etc.
I'm sure if you give it time, and move into the maintaining phase, people will get used to your new body/size and the comments will be less frequent (though they may never stop).
Yeah, this happens. People get ridiculously opinionated about your weight loss, and it's not something you can hide from them, annoyingly. Parents in particular. This forum is swarming with people whose parents are weird about their weight, myself included. This can include deliberate sabotage, or telling you that you're thin/fat when you are quite the opposite. What I advise is to chat to people here and get tips on a) shutting down the weight conversation as quickly as possible with your parents (they are never going to get it, they're just going to do your head in), and b) working through any psychological issues they've left you with. My mother, who ran to telling me I was obese when I was nothing of the sort (but she was), was actually abusive, and funnily enough, I started losing weight just after cutting off contact with her. I proceeded to lose a pound a month, peacefully and happily, and found this forum really useful for talking about the residual issues my mother had left me with.
As for doctors, they really do vary. I've met a few, and heard of plenty more, who have no idea about healthy weight management and are odd, even unpleasant, to their patients about it. When I first met my former GP, I was borderline obese. This was unusual for me, I'd always been slim, and it was caused by illness. So a few years later I managed to lose the weight, getting down to the weight I'd been most of my adult life, bang in the middle of the healthy BMI range. But she was used to seeing me fat, and based purely on glancing at me in a dimly-lit hallway, decided I was underweight, and wrote that in my records. This meant that when I went to see another GP at that practice, a few years later when I'd put some weight back on, about the problem of getting so cold that my lips turn blue, she kept on insisting that it was because I was underweight. This GP wasn't even using her eyes, just what was in my notes. Eventually she weighed and measured me, realised that I was borderline overweight, and shut up. Meanwhile, one friend of mine has been getting scolded by the practice nurse for putting on 22lb even though she's slim and it was purely muscle gain caused by exercise. And I know someone else who was seeing her doctor about severe anaemia that was making her really ill, and whose GP decided that this was a fantastic time to have a go at her about her belly! Not to mention all the doctors who think that the solution to the "obesity epidemic" is to nag patients, as if that will help. And when I was losing weight and asked my GP about how to calculate my calorie allowance, she didn't have a clue, and no one at that practice knew how to advise me on fat intake when I developed gallstones a few months later. None of them seem to know a thing about nutrition. So yeah, doctors are very hit or miss.
I agree with the advice about going to the doctor, too. The next time you're there, or at a clinic or nurse's station, ask the professional to help you determine your ideal weight. Not just the BMI number because that's too broad a range, but a number that takes into account your age, sex and bone structure. Tell them your weight loss plan while you're at it and ask if they approve. You may need to "guide," your doctor into saying "120," if that's what you've determined is best for you. Just get them to okay it.
From then on you can answer anyone who questions you with, "My doctor has determined my ideal weight and put me on a healthy eating plan so I'm sure I'm not in any danger. Thanks."
My father either thought I was shockingly fat or dangerously thin every time I saw him, starting from the when I was about fourteen. The first negative comment was when he thought my thighs "looked like a football players." I weighed about 120.
For many years I weighed 110lbs (because I smoked two packs a day and barely ate) and still people would say to me, "You don't need to diet, but you do need to exercise." At the time I was jumping rope for 20 minutes a day plus 15 minutes of specific spot exercises. They all thought I must not be exercising because I had small bulges at the top of my thighs. It was just the way I was built and I couldn't afford liposuction so there I was; imperfect in their eyes and they felt free to mention it.
Twenty years ago I quit smoking, my weight ballooned and I have been yo-yoing ever since. Last fall, when I had lost about forty pounds, a woman at my church said she noticed I had been losing. I said, "Thank you!" then she want on to say, "Now keep it up. Don't let it come back this time!"
I am 68 years old and people are still telling me what to do about my own body!
This needs to stop. I've recently even stopped telling people they look like they've lost weight, because I've simply decided other women's bodies are none of my business.
parents keep saying I "lost too much" (ed mention i guess?)
I'm probably a lot older than you though (and take certain medication) which can make things harder.
) This is too true. And annoying. I remember posting about this just a year and a half ago with my 3rd baby, that I was not looking forward to the comments and questions that come with losing weight. 
