I am re-reading a book that I came across while decluttering. It is The Emotional Eater's Book of Inspiration by Debbie Danowski. Several of the "90 Truths" in this book deal with the food lies we tell ourselves or the justifications we make whenever we eat something we really shouldn't and then finding the food truth or right response you need to tell yourself when you find yourself using one of these lies.
A couple of justifications I occasionally use are "It's a weekend/holiday/special occasion." "I deserve a break." "I have too much going on today to deal with cooking, planning, exercising, whatever." And "I just don't even care right now." A long while back I made Beck Cards to deal with these lies I tell myself but there are still plenty of times when I fail to stop myself from using these stupid excuses.
Got any lies or justifications you use often or have trouble getting past? What are your truths to get past them? Have any good techniques, tips, tricks? Maybe something similar to the Beck Cards or something else....because I personally find it pretty easy to ignore the cards/responses often enough.
I don't find any of these to be "lies." These are all legitimate situations and feelings that deserve your attention. At some point in our lives we felt helpless and turned to food to comfort us in these situations. Using food to cope is a very natural way to do that, it stems from a need to take care of ourselves and is not bad. Rather than write off your needs as lies, why not develop ways to deal with them that will be effective and appropriate?
"It's a weekend/holiday/special occasion." What's wrong with special occasions? Lots of people, even skinny people eat food on special occasions. Do you think only fat people eat pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving? Do you think skinny people deprive themselves of a glass of wine on Saturday night or a slice of cake at a birthday party? Nope, special occasions are not special if you can't enjoy them so quit making yourself guilty for participating in special occasions along with everyone else.
"I deserve a break." Don't we all? What's wrong with needing a break? Maybe your diet is too restrictive and your body needs a break from it. It's unfair to expect your body to put up with something it doesn't want to do which is why all diets fail. And if you're overwhelmed by the daily grind then you really DO deserve a break. There are other ways to cope with this, maybe your body really needs a nap, or a day off, or needs to go and sit in a movie theater for a while, or go for a walk, or call up a friend and go out for a coffee, or go shopping, or spend time with family... there are a lot of ways to take a break other than sitting down with a pint of Ben & Jerrys.
"I have too much going on today to deal with cooking, planning, exercising, whatever." As far as I'm concerned there is nothing untruthful about this, sometimes we do have too much going on to deal with any of the above things. In our culture we are overscheduled, over worked, under rested and underpaid. Skinny people suffer from such turbulence as well, it's ok that you can't cook today. It's ok that there was no time to exercise. Give yourself a break.
And "I just don't even care right now." IMO this is a phenomenon that is brought on by dieting. When we restrict ourselves our body's natural response is to rebel against it. Sure you feel strong now when it's morning and you're full of enthusiasm and motivation. Say no to the donut, say no to the french fries at lunch, say no to the bread basket.... but your body keeps tabs of all those nos and then comes a point in your day that sparks the rebellion - someone doubled parked in front of your car and you can't get out, someone cut in front of you in line at the grocery store, your cable bill came, you got in a fight with your mother.... at that point your body sees that your mind is occupied and it takes over fulfilling the needs you deprived it from earlier. The only thing that is "wrong" with this scenario is not being aware of it. If you tie your health to motivation it usually backfires.
Thanks, Palestrina. The Food Lies terminology came from the author of the book. My examples were more justifications (my word) than lies. AND, not just any justification but more like my Greatest Hits album of stupid things I say right before putting a brownie in my mouth.
This post was actually about an assignment from the book to list your own issues (justifcations) or the lies you tell yourself to convince you that eating something unplanned is okay. I'm actually in a pretty good head space right now. I've got my head in the game. These are just the justifications that work best to get me to eat something I wasnt planning to eat.
I pretty much agree with you about giving myself a break. Or, at least it is ok to a certain point. Until you are taking too many breaks or not caring on a daily basis or celebrating mock holidays or unless you are eating cake for your facebook friends birthdays. I'm not there at the moment, Thank God! I just thought it might be intersting to hear from some others about what their best justifications were and how they deal with them or avoid giving in to them.
I do have Beck Cards for the thoughts I mentioned above...like the "I don't care right now" response card says "It might be true that I don't care in the moment; but if I eat the brownie I will regret it later. I will care later because I will feel guilty or be mad at myself for giving in. Step away from the brownie and find something better to do." The only problem with this card is that it only works on some of the brownies, some of the time.
Last edited by mariposssa; 02-04-2015 at 09:30 AM.
I think the main thing is if you are using the justifications more often then not.
One of my major justifications is "I'm so stressed and need an outlet" Well that outlet is food and wine...sweet, sweet delicious wine. Last year, I was in a very stressful work situation and would convince myself I needed a glass (or two) of wine every other day. Along with the wine, I needed lots of chocolate or chips and dip to ease my stress. This was an every week thing and never stopped. Yes, sometimes, you need an outlet for your stress and sometimes that is food/drink. But I don't think it should be an every day thing (unless you are accounting for it in your calorie intake or plan...which I was NOT).
The other justification I use is the weekend/holiday/special occasion. I think this is fine to use during the holiday season or on birthdays or vacations as long as you are conscious of what you are eating and drinking.
But with weekends, I think you have to be very careful if you are needing to lose weight. I got into the "oh, its a weekend" trap and ended up overindulging EVERY weekend. That's 104 days out of the year that I am overeating without even accounting for the holidays and birthdays that are going to come up.
I think just being conscious of what you are doing and what you are telling yourself is the bigger deal.
On one hand I agree that "lie" can be too judgemental, negative, and inacurate a word, but in some cases there's none that fits better.
I have used the thought "Everone overeats a little on holidays," to justify 10,000 calorie days, ultimately resulting in 20 lb gains between Thanksgiving and New Years.
I would call that a lie.
I've used "I deserve this treat," to justify insane portions of foods that did my health and motivation no favors. It took me a lot longer to believe, "I deserve to be healthier," or that I deserve to pamper myself through controlling my exercise and diet (rather I was taught to use diet and exercise to punish the bad/fat me).
"I deserve a treat," isn't necessarily a lie, but "I deserve THIS treat, RIGHT NOW" very often is.
"I've got too much going on," has been one of the top lies I've ever told myself, because if truth be told, I chose to fill my time with everything but making my health and welfare a priority. I worked like a mule (before the days of animal welfare laws) to prove to the world, to my family and friends, and to myself that I might be fat, but I wasn't lazy. I worked multiple jobs, took as much overtime as I could, assisted family and friends and volunteered for unpaid projects. If I had recognized the lie, I could have chosen to put myself first (or at least somewhere in my top 100 priorities).
That particular lie is so persuasive and ingrained that I find myself still using it, despite being on disability with nothing but time on my hands. I have to remind myself constantly that I will only ever have time for those things I MAKE time for.
Postponing exercise because I don't have the time, energy, or capacity is one of my biggest self-lies. Among other health issues, I have fibromyalgia, osteo and an autoimmune disease similar to rheumatoid arthritis attacking my lungs, joints, and skin. I HURT all of the time, and even light exercise HURTS even more, but when I don't exercise, I hurt and damage myself even more. Telling myself that I don't have time to exercise is no more true than telling myself I don't have time to breathe.
For decades, I told myself the bold-faced LIE that I was too busy and didn't have time for 8 hours of good quality sleep, and that lie, perhaps more than any other, may have been most responsible for most of my health problems, perhaps even the obesity. I thought my cardiologist and pulmonologist were insane when they told me that my cpap and the better sleep it would produce would likely result in some effort-free weight loss. I had never in my life experienced effortless weight loss, and yet I lost my first 20 lbs with no effort and no dieting at all (I didn't even own a scale during those several months, and had no idea I was even losing).
And the worst lie of all was that I didn't matter to anyone, including myself because it gave birth to feeling, "I don't even care" and made it much worse than a lie, it made it the truth.
To care about myself, I have to believe that I matter. And if I believe I matter, then it's a lot harder to tell myself any of those other lies.
I matter enough to put my health and welfare above helping everyone but myself.
I matter enough to take care of myself and my body, and that includes making time for sleep, rest, relaxation, exercise, healthy foods, fun....
My husband and I lost more than 3/4 of our income and had to file bankruptcy when I first became disabled and was unable to work, and my husband lost his job because of the time he was spending taking me to Dr. appts (FMLA means nothing if your employer lies about why you were fired), and he had to take a job that paid less than half his previous salary. He also ended up disabled due to an inheretid joint disease.
Through all of it, we felt overworked, overscheduled, and underpaid because we chose to live like everyone else, never even realizing it was a choice until we no longer had that particular choice.
We're not only taught to lie to ourselves, we're taught to live the lies until it makes those lies our truth until we can see no other truth.
I probably wouldn't use the word lie, so much as justification. Sometimes the justification is misguided, but the feeling itself is true which is why I'm hesitant to call it a lie. Investigating the reasons behind justifications to see if they're valid is something important to a successful lifestyle change though.
I think many of us use the excuses listed as to why we can't instead of focusing on how we can. It ultimately can distract from whatever the real problem may be because we don't even try to fix it. A lot of those things can also be valid reasons though. How often they crop up, and how you personally use them makes all the difference in the world.
Special occasions, for instance, should be something special. That typically means not rare. I ate enough to gain 3 pounds around Christmas time, but eating like that is suppose to be rare, so as long as that doesn't happen for the majority of the year, it's all good. Likewise with a treat.
However, if you're using these things to eat bad on a daily basis ("I did well today, so I deserve these donuts") then it can end very badly. Same for justifying "holiday" eating for an entire 2-3 months just because Thanksgiving/Christmas is near. That's no longer a treat/special event, that's part of your diet.
The no time thing I think can be valid in some cases as well. Just not really on an overall level. Having no time for good choices every single day just doesn't hold up. Sometimes we really do have no time to get good sleep, or spend an hour cooking a meal. This was especially true when I was working, going to school, and being a single mother. It didn't mean I couldn't make changes to work towards a healthier lifestyle, but there were absolutely days that I couldn't fit in an hour to cook, or an hour to do exercise. I had to keep any health changes to smaller things when I dieted, like taking the stairs instead of the elevator. It wasn't like that every single day, but any day where work and school fell on the same day it pretty much was. Just like with the special occasions thing though, this justification can get overused easily by saying you can't make any changes at all, ever. Or you have no time for exercise ever. The rundown feelings are still valid and all, but you really need to examine priorities and why you feel run down.
The "I don't even care right now" thing is something altogether different. I don't think it's a lie, and don't really think it's a justification either. I honestly think that one is more about learning to love and care about yourself, which a lot of us don't spend enough time doing.. we're too busy hounding ourselves because we overate, or skipped exercise, or feel lazy because we tell ourselves we're making excuses when we legitimately feel exhausted. There's a lot mentally going on, and I really think the "I don't care" portion needs to be taken care of before a successful lifestyle change can take place. I'm probably biased because I've been struggling with depression for well over a decade. The inability to care about anything, literally anything, has come and gone as a part of that battle. It wasn't a lie I told myself, it was something that actually, legitimately happened, and that I'm constantly working to combat through both medication and therapy. It isn't a lie, but a very real problem that needs to be addressed.
What a great thread. So many thought provoking posts.
I'm a huge fan of the Beck cognitive behavioral therapy approach to weight loss. It has been a real game changer for me. Regardless of whether we call them lies, justifications, or whatever, we are talking about ideas that bear examination each time they come into our consciousness. We may make different decisions each time we review our thought process, but at least they are actually conscious decisions and not just patterns of behavior mindlessly repeated.
The " I just don't care " rationalization has been the one I really had to challenge in order to accomplish some of my self care goals. I too have struggled with depression. There are times when I deeply, truly, and profoundly don't care.
But I will eventually. I keep doing all the things I need to do to get better because even when I don't care about myself, I have a kid that needs and wants me whole and healthy. When I get to the other side of a depressive episode, I don't want to have to quit drugs, smoking, or lose 100 lbs again.
Every time I tell myself " I just don't care," I follow it with " Until I do. And I always do eventually. "
"I just don't care right now" is something I've given a lot of thought to. It's as if many of us suffer from a breaking point in our day that causes us to feel helpless and then we surrender to food.
I was reading recently about a study that I'll quote here from a book by Josie Spinardi called "How to have your cake and your skinny jeans too." It's really helped me to make sense of this "I don't care" mentality that used to come over me right before a binge.
"The study found that people who did not emotionally eat did one thing differently than people who used food to cope with emotional distress. When faced with a stressor, the non-food-users engaged in task-oriented-coping. They took direct action to resolve, mitigate, or eliminate stressors. They focused on solving. Conversely, the people who did use food engaged in emotion-oriented avoidant coping behaviors. These people were much more likely to think that they were unable to mitigate a stressor, and as a result, focused on soothing themselves with food. Since they (often falsely) believed that they could not changed the situation, they focused their efforts on minimizing the distress they experienced in response to the stressor - they tried to change their feelings. ... This cognitive powerless belief pattern is closely tied with depression. It is a phenomenon known as learned helplessness.
Palestrina, thanks for posting that. Intuitively, I agree with it. Even though I consider myself a born troubleshooter, sometimes, I don't have the mental (or even physical) strength to tackle the problem even though I know how to solve it.
Food is often the most convenient, easiest source of pleasure. It takes no effort to eat it, whereas every other "do-for-me" activity does. Even taking a bubble bath requires that I make sure the tub is pristine (I clean my tub daily, but I"m fanatical about hygiene in the tub, so I would have to clean it again before I get in it). Then, I have to run the bath, get all the things together (bubble bath, bath salts, etc.). In other words, to prepare seems like work, and when I'm at the end of my rope, I don't want to do all that.
Wow, thanks everybody for all the interesting thoughts and comments on the topic. It definitely gave me a lot more opinions and viewpoints to consider.
Streudel, I really like your response for the times when caring is just beyond reach. I may have to make a new card.
About that skinny jeans book...it was being discussed on another forum I visit. It sounds like a really good read. I have heard lots of good things about it. As I mentioned in my first post, I have been decluttering my books and well everything else. I think I will have to check the library or add this book to the Amazon wishlist for my Kindle.
Food is often the most convenient, easiest source of pleasure. It takes no effort to eat it, whereas every other "do-for-me" activity does. Even taking a bubble bath requires that I make sure the tub is pristine (I clean my tub daily, but I"m fanatical about hygiene in the tub, so I would have to clean it again before I get in it). Then, I have to run the bath, get all the things together (bubble bath, bath salts, etc.). In other words, to prepare seems like work, and when I'm at the end of my rope, I don't want to do all that.
Oh I'm the same way about the tub, I've actually given up baths because the stress of cleaning is too taxing. Showering will have to do lol. The whole point though is that we need to empower ourselves with strategic self care. To each problem is a solution and food makes us feel better but does nothing to resolve or help the situation we're running from. Maybe I should start a thread about self care where we can discuss this issue, which is not to be confused with self pampering.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mariposssa
Wow, thanks everybody for all the interesting thoughts and comments on the topic. It definitely gave me a lot more opinions and viewpoints to consider.
Streudel, I really like your response for the times when caring is just beyond reach. I may have to make a new card.
About that skinny jeans book...it was being discussed on another forum I visit. It sounds like a really good read. I have heard lots of good things about it. As I mentioned in my first post, I have been decluttering my books and well everything else. I think I will have to check the library or add this book to the Amazon wishlist for my Kindle.
It is a good read, though just warning you that it's all about intuitive eating. Josie Spinardi has some extremely helpful videos on youtube that run through some of her concepts although I think the book is even better. https://www.youtube.com/user/josielenore
(I clean my tub daily, but I"m fanatical about hygiene in the tub, so I would have to clean it again before I get in it).
Wow! I know you and I are "twins" in many ways, but here's where we diverge. If my tub looks basically clean to my myopic eyes, it's good enough for me to use.
Wow! I know you and I are "twins" in many ways, but here's where we diverge. If my tub looks basically clean to my myopic eyes, it's good enough for me to use.
F.
LOL! Believe me, the tub is one of the few places in my house that I'm fanatical about. I wish I could bring that passion to cleaning the rest of my house!
Justifications (Food Lies)
I'm not there at the moment, Thank God! I just thought it might be intersting to hear from some others about what their best justifications were and how they deal with them or avoid giving in to them.
