So, I am highly motivated and committed to weight loss... as many of us are here.
But, there are moments where I throw it all away by ordering a pizza (I have now deleted the number for the pizza place from my phone). It happens so fast, almost like another part of me that I don't identify with has taken over.
I wonder if there is some part of me that is afraid of change. I know that if I stick to my plan, it will work. But I keep sabotaging myself. Does anyone else do this?
Next time this happens, I will try more consciously to connect to my motivation and to listen to myself to identify whether it is fear or something else saying "just give up." I think if I can get through it, the moment will pass.
OH my lord, yes. The self-sabotage is so strong with me. Then I hate myself. I reason with myself that I deserve to be as big as I am because I don't have the will-power to do the right thing.
I have this friend that does bikini style fitness competitions and I see her amazing posts on Facebook and I think about how she just eats her chicken and veggies day in and day out to achieve her goals and I keep thinking "If she can look that good and still work that hard, why can't I choke back veggies consistently for weeks on end to see some meaningful results?"
It's the most frustrating thing for me. Being addicted to food and eating your feelings absolutely has to be one of the hardest addictions to kick because there's such a mental struggle involved. You literally have to transform your body and your mind at the same time and that's a lot to do when you're used to being undisciplined. I'm with you honey. This is a long road ahead but we can TOTALLY win!
Last edited by MelaAnaetoh; 01-16-2015 at 04:01 PM.
I no longer open all the pizza ads in my email.. even on my phone software I have they have food suggestions every day but I can't figure out how to delete them. I even had a nice coupon and I gave it away for dominos... on days like that I say.. maybe next week... and hope I forget.
Like many people, I also used to believe that I was scared of losing weight, therefore I self sabotaged. Now, after many years of seeing what works long term and what doesn't, I have a different view that may help you.
I have learned that pizza is not the enemy and willpower is highly overrated.
I have pizza every week. Sometimes I even have it for breakfast or lunch the next day. Just not more than 2 slices. Which is not that hard now that I know that there will always be another pizza night.
But if I do eat 3, so what? I'm still loveable ol' Julie, just a slightly more bloated version of her. Beating yourself up doesn't burn calories. If it did, I would've lost the weight years ago.
When I viewed weight loss as an all or nothing proposition, every slip was complete failure, and food was the enemy. A missed workout was letting myself and everyone supporting me down. I felt like I was a tightrope walker, living in constant fear of falling. When I wobbled a little, I fell hard.
Now when I start to self sabotage, I take it as a sign that I'm in a rut or depriving myself too much. I'd rather mix up the routine and figure out how to work in chocolate, pizza, or whatever I've been missing in a controlled manner than have an all out binge when I'm tired, stressed, and my resistance is low. Because let's face it, we're all going to be bored with our routine at times, and we're all going to be overwhelmed sometimes. Just whiteknuckling it is not a Plan B.
Think of it as the difference between surrender and a tactical retreat. Or stick with the tightrope analogy if mixed up metaphors pluck your nerves.
Be kind to yourselves and good things will come from that.
I agree wholeheartedly with Streudel. I think the concept of sabotage is just a way of blaming ourselves (amd/or others) for the very normal and natural difficulty we all have with change.
Long-standing habits are often (heck, usually) extremely difficult to change and blame just makes it harder. When you blame (yourself or others), you end up focusing anger and attention on the "guilty party" rather than on the change.
The idea of self-sabotage is even worse, because you are both the villain and the victim. Who can you trust - who can you turn to, if YOU are the enemy?
I think it's easier, less stressful, and much more positive to eliminate the idea of sabotage altogether. There is no sabotage, just a person (or persons) who are struggling with the prospect of change.
And when I say, "struggling with change" I am not implying "fear of change," which I think is also an overused idea, especially when we talk about fear we don't actually feel consciously (subconscious motivation is also an overused idea - how can you possibly identify and address motives you can't actually feel?).
Habits are tough to kick, just because they are. Even little things, like how to fold a bathroom towel or which way the toilet paper should hang, or where to leave shoes that weren't being worn - it took hubby and I years to change most of our "single" habits to the "married" ones we agreed upon. And there are a few we still struggle with. Twelve years apparently isn't necessarily long enough to unlearn 30+ year-old habits.
I think we're also "taught to fail" when it comes to weight loss, because we cling so tightly to the blame model. We'd never consider ourselves a lazy, crazy, stupid, irredeemable, completely useless and contemptible MONSTER for folding a towel "the old way," but it's perfectly acceptable and common to think of ourselves that way, and for what? Not robbery, not brutality, but for a slice of pizza? Or an extra serving of mashed potatoes, or even a single "extra" bite (as is far too common)?
We have to stop seeing fatness as a crime. Once a person sees themselves as a criminal (even if they're committing actual crimes) change becomes even that much more difficult, because changing our self-concept, our identity, is even more difficult than changing a pesky habit.
I also agree that willpower is over-rated. The best and easiest way to change is to set up our environment and use strategies that make the new habit easier than the old one.
Just as you did by deleting the pizza delivery phone number from your phone.
Celebrate that success.
I also think it helps to focus on the behavior change (which you can control) rather than on the scale reading (which you can't direct,y control unless you're willing to cut off body parts).
Think of weight loss, not as the goal, but as a result and reward for the real goals (all the behavior changes that will produce the reward).
That way, even small gains aren't as frustrating, if you trust in the process and don't assign blame and self-contempt to the weight.
You are awesome NOW, and weight loss (or gain) cannot and will not change that.
Weight loss is a nice perk, not a determination of your value as a human being. Treat yourself as if you believe that, and before long you will.
One thing that helps with me is out of sight, out of mind. Deleting the number for the pizza place was a good idea. It's also good to just stop and think before you do anything like that in the future. I myself am tempted to stop by the drive-thru after work, so I take a different route that doesn't go by McDonald's.
My issue is that i'll eat healthy and be on track all week, and then I think "Hey I can have this, I did great all week" and reward myself with food. That's how I sabotage.
I would also ask yourself, why you want pizza. Why you want to binge. Are you bored? Is it habit? Do you want to reward yourself?
So.. I don't really have anything to add that hasn't already been said. I agree with Struedel and kaplods on this whole completely.
Kind of off topic.. kaplods can I steal your post and post it to Facebook? I love the wording and everything.. and I think it really sends the right message.
So.. I don't really have anything to add that hasn't already been said. I agree with Struedel and kaplods on this whole completely.
Kind of off topic.. kaplods can I steal your post and post it to Facebook? I love the wording and everything.. and I think it really sends the right message.
Wow. Thank you, Kaplods! I've bookmarked your post and will return to it often. It's the all-or-nothing, "good" or "binging" mindset that sets me up for failure time after time.
Wow. Thank you, Kaplods! I've bookmarked your post and will return to it often. It's the all-or-nothing, "good" or "binging" mindset that sets me up for failure time after time.
Me too. Even though I know better, it's so hard to DO and THINK better when habit takes control. It's kind of like learning a foreign language. My first response to myself, in my head, is to think in the old way, "I am worthless because I am fat or because I ate more than I need."
Then I have to "translate" it to myself. And something always seems to get lost in translation.
In other words, I need to print my "words of wisdom" like the post you liked, and tape them to my own refrigerator, in order to remind myself of what I know, but sometimes have difficulty really feeling and believing.
I like the idea of eliminating the concept of sabotage from the equation. You've given me lots of resources to turn to when these feelings come up again... I will return to this thread for support.
But, there are moments where I throw it all away by ordering a pizza (I have now deleted the number for the pizza place from my phone). It happens so fast, almost like another part of me that I don't identify with has taken over.
I wonder if there is some part of me that is afraid of change. I know that if I stick to my plan, it will work. But I keep sabotaging myself. Does anyone else do this?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Streudel
I have learned that pizza is not the enemy and willpower is highly overrated.
I have pizza every week. Sometimes I even have it for breakfast or lunch the next day. Just not more than 2 slices. Which is not that hard now that I know that there will always be another pizza night.
But if I do eat 3, so what? I'm still loveable ol' Julie, just a slightly more bloated version of her. Beating yourself up doesn't burn calories. If it did, I would've lost the weight years ago.
When I viewed weight loss as an all or nothing proposition, every slip was complete failure, and food was the enemy. A missed workout was letting myself and everyone supporting me down. I felt like I was a tightrope walker, living in constant fear of falling. When I wobbled a little, I fell hard.
Now when I start to self sabotage, I take it as a sign that I'm in a rut or depriving myself too much. I'd rather mix up the routine and figure out how to work in chocolate, pizza, or whatever I've been missing in a controlled manner than have an all out binge when I'm tired, stressed, and my resistance is low. Because let's face it, we're all going to be bored with our routine at times, and we're all going to be overwhelmed sometimes. Just whiteknuckling it is not a Plan B.
Think of it as the difference between surrender and a tactical retreat. Or stick with the tightrope analogy if mixed up metaphors pluck your nerves.
Be kind to yourselves and good things will come from that.
Great post Julie! I too do not like to deprive myself of anything. I just have less of it. Sometimes I too have more of it but I just go on from there. I have sabotaged myself after hitting a goal but I don't think it's any deeper than my love for food. LOL Maybe it is but I can't really say.
I do know it would not do me any good to delete the phone number because I have it memorized. 740.522.5193 lol
Everyone who's been heavy can relate to your struggle. I started a diet practically every Monday of my adult life and by Wednesday or so, my inner spoiled brat child was eating a snickers bar while waiting for the chinese food to be delivered LOL
yet EVERY monday I started again, thinking 'this time will be different' until after about 20 odd years of it I thought "WHY WILL IT BE DIFFERENT?" I'm doing the exact same thing over and over and over again and hoping against hope it'll yield a different result - nutty!!!!
If you truly feel you're getting in your own way for success, you have to find out WHY. If it happens over and over, you gotta figure out WHY. It's not always a deep dark horrible thing lol it can be something that needs adjusting and thinking-about differently, and a whole new world can open up.
Sabotage
I even had a nice coupon and I gave it away for dominos... on days like that I say.. maybe next week... and hope I forget.
Beating yourself up doesn't burn calories. If it did, I would've lost the weight years ago.
