At another members suggestion I am reposting my story here. Thanks so much for reading!
Hello all,
I used to be a regular here, and loved coming to this site for inspiration and information. I've been gone for over a year, but decided this site could be of great help in a different way for me now.
When I started here I was doing weight watchers. At my highest weight I was 240 lbs. I started ww at 227 lbs, and got down to 190. At that point I had some medical issues with my kidneys and had to take some time off. I ended up gaining back 21 lbs. About the time I decided I needed to get back into ww I was diagnosed with throat cancer. Needless to say, my life was thrown into a tailspin and losing weight was the last thing on my mind. To be honest in the month between my diagnosis and first radiation treatment I ate like I didn't have a care in the world, and gained even more.
Around the third week in I started to have trouble eating. Everything tasted terrible, even water, and it hurt to swallow. By the following week I couldn't eat at all. Severe mucositis, pain, and thrush all kept me from being able to get any food down. I also developed a hiatal hernia, which made me throw up anything I could force down. I basically gave up trying to eat. I had a swallowing therapist and a nutritionist both talk me into getting a feeding tube. I was ready, however my oncologist refused. He kept telling me I would be eating in a day or two. So he sent me for fluids instead. Everyday for almost three weeks I would head straight from radiation to get IV fluids, and potassium, which would take 4 to 5 hours. This whole time I didn't eat a single bite of food. I was starving. I had an appetite. I could smell food and wanted to eat it so bad, but could not physically get it down. I couldn't even get boost or water to stay down. I ended up in the ER several times at the same hospital, and was refused a feeding tube every time. My oncologist wanted to put me on antidepressants. He thought I wasn't eating because I was depressed. I was depressed, but I wasnt eating because I could not get food past the wall of mucous in the back of my throat. Between that and all the medications I threw up constantly. One tiny little bite of something would send me into fits of hour long vomiting and dry heaving.
Finally after one extremely rough night I was on my way back to ER. I told my husband to take me to a different hospital. That night was two months to the day since I had eaten any food at all. Literally nothing. I ended up in there for 10 days. By the second day there I had a feeding tube in. I finally started to get some nutrition. By the end of that hospital stay I was eating small amounts of broth and some nutrition drinks. I was sent home with a nasal feeding tube and my husband learned to change the bags and run the machine and I started to feel better.
In the end Ive lost almost 70 lbs, 60 of it within 6 weeks. So here I am weighing close to what my original goal was. I didn't lose it the way I would have liked, but its gone. I like to call it my silver lining. Now Im here to learn to maintain this new body. I have changed the way I eat. I am just not interested in fast food, which I used to love. My sense of taste is still messed up and it tastes like pure chemicals to me. I don't eat a lot of meat because its hard to chew and swallow. I've been juicing with my meals because I feel like I need all the vitamins I can get. I think I eat fairly well now, but get cravings for junk once in a while. When I give in its almost always a disappointment because it doesn't taste anything like I remembered it tasting. I am terrified Im going to get too comfortable at this new weight and think I can eat whatever I want, and the weight will creep back on. I am also terrified that Ill start eating all the chemical filled crap I used to eat and it will make me sick again. Yea, I'm scared of everything now.
So my goals for being here, are to learn how to maintain my weight and find a way to eat clean and healthy. Thanks to those of you that stuck around for this whole post, I appreciate it. I didnt start out intending to write a novel, but it was kind of cathartic getting it all out, so thank you for that as well.
As for the happy ending....I just had my follow up scans last week and my new and wonderful oncologist told me that he sees nothing to be concerned about. I am now cancer free.
Thanks again for reading, I look forward to getting to know you all.
Wow -- to say you've been through the wringer would be a vast understatement. First, congratulations on being cancer free. Second, congratulations on having the sense to ditch the first oncologist. Losing 60 pounds in a short period of time and he thought you were depressed. Well, duh, I imagine starving to death, dealing with cancer, being in the ER too many times, and having a doctor who would appear to be dumb as a bedpost would make one depressed.
And I can certainly understand your fears about maintenance. Since the weight came off in a very untraditional manner, I'd be worried, too. But now that you're able to eat foods again, just get yourself into the habit of eating healthy -- especially since the junk food tastes so icky.
Welcome back! Wow, you've had a rough year. I'm glad to hear that you've been able to find a silver lining and have lost weight. I hope you can eventually get back to enjoying the foods you love in moderation. All the best!
You have really been through the wringer is right. As a Nurse I commend you for taking charge of your health when you knew you were not getting the best care. I honestly think if you did not you would not be here today if you did not switched hospitals and oncologists.
Good luck on your journey and your taste buds may or may return but you will learn new tasting experiences. I also admire your husband. What a keeper!!! It is really hard for family members to care for a feeding tube and he needs a big SALUTE !
I wish you the best and enjoy life to the fullest because you deserve it.
Last edited by cleancowgirl; 11-04-2013 at 01:45 PM.
Wow, what an amazing story. Congratulations on your recovery. What a gift. What you've been through should keep you motivated to keep your body healthy. I wish you success and health.
Thanks so much for all the kind and inspiring words!
I'm giving it my all, but have given in to temptation and a hurried lifestyle.
I'm sure every single one of you understand. In a hurry and hungry so you grab something from the drive through. Yep, I did it. It was just a fish sandwich, all by itself, no drink no fries. But it was my first fast food, and I'm kinda mad at myself for doing it. Not so much that I'm scared of gaining, but I broke a good healthy streak. And I don't want to get back to that fast food filled life I once lived.
I know it's silly but, I keep thinking what my sister would say. She would cry. Real tears. She nursed me through some of the worst of it and is scared to death of everything now. She's a vegan, won't use plastic, only buys organic...you get the idea. All good things, but all because I scared the crap outta her. She keeps telling me I have one chance to do it right this time. So there is guilt in every unauthorized bite.
I don't want to live a life of denial. I want to enjoy good things in moderation. But old habits die hard and are very easy to slip back into. Especially in a world filled with convenient foods that are in your face all the time. In the car, in the store, even at home on your tv. Fat and chemical filled food, made to look delicious and pushed at you in the most enticing ways. I guess it's all about choices.
Thanks again for all the encouragement! I hope everyone is doing well and feeling great today!
The new me with new goals.
