[emid78]

Today we put my grandmother to rest. She was a beautiful woman at 99 yrs old, who ironically died the same day my grandfather, her husband, 35 years ago. Such a strong beautiful woman who was the monarch of the family, with 7 surviving children, 1 late, 21 grandchildren and 33 great grandchildren. I can only hope to be as respected as her one day. Nonna, I will alway love you and you will be forever missed.

With a funeral comes a family gathering. I often tend to shy away from weddings, showers and whatnot but this is one I had to attend. I feel so ashamed at these gatherings. Often the outcast, the fat cousin. All of my female cousins are gorgeous, healthy, financially stable, women. And then there is me. It is very depressing. I am none of the above.

I have no drive, no will power, no fight. How in the world does one get themselves into the right mentality?? I see these people maybe once a year. The next time I see them, I want them to be like "wow". How do I get there? I have made several attempts in the past but my lack of self control sabotages every attempt.

[bargoo]

Do it for Nonna, she would be so proud of you.

[Elladorine]

So sorry to hear about your grandmother.

I too used to shy away from not only family gatherings, but people in general. I was 360 pounds, had nothing "nice" to wear, and felt constantly judged as the fat outcast. What I eventually learned was that I have to love myself before anything else, that it doesn't really matter what others think. Make sure that you want to do this is for you, not to impress relatives/friends/etc.

If you want to get serious about getting healthier, start writing things down. And no, I'm not talking about a tracking your food (although I'd highly recommend that as well as it definitely helps), but writing down your reasons. What are your goals and why? Even if it sounds silly, it's a way to truly explore the things you want from life, and an important stepping stone to making things better.

Once you have your reasons in black and white, take the next step and brainstorm about positive ways to make it happen. One of the first things I did was browse through the nutrition info of my most frequented restaurants and made lists of what I could fit into my new plan: those lists stayed in my purse so I always had them to refer to.

Also, find ways to set yourself up for success! Keep your kitchen stocked with healthy options. For example, I always keep a big bowl of prepared salad to ensure that I can have fresh veggies and fruit with every meal. Focus on how your choices will shape your future and make ones that you can be proud of. What's going fuel your body properly and give you more energy, a greasy fast food meal or something home cooked with lots of veggies? Do you want to be weighed down (both physically and emotionally) by your choices? Set yourself free. Learn to work with your body to allow it to heal.

You can do this. Take care of yourself and make Nonna proud.

[vintagecat]

I'm sorry to hear about our Nonna. My maternal grandmother's death affected me the most of any other and I've had a quite few since.

I too am the lone fat person in a beautiful family. I think after all these years that I had something to learn and it certainly has made aging easier for me in many ways than my lovelier relatives. I understand the stigma of that though. Everyone wondering what's up with you.

Hugs to you. Take care.

[mzshaunna]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss *big hugs*

I understand how you feel, both my sisters who were large in high school all dropped the weight and are very slim and here's me with my weight and nearly a foot taller then them. I know it's hard not to compare ourselves to others but as you gain self confidence back it will get easier. Best of luck with your journey

[luckymommy]

Focus on the real reason you're going....your worth has nothing to do with your weight. I"m so sorry for your loss. Huge hugs.

[gardenerjoy]

What a beautiful tribute to your grandmother!

I'm a librarian so I look to books for help. The ones that helped me most with the right mentality were by Judith Beck -- The Beck Diet Solution and The Complete Beck Diet for Life. They use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques to teach ourselves new ways of thinking and acting that make it possible to do the things that lead to weight loss.

If that sounds interesting to you, be sure to check out the Beck group here on 3FC.

[Bigknitter]

So sorry for your loss. I think that a great way to honor your loved one's passing would be to take your life and really focus on why you want to keep going and what is important to you. There is no reason for you to shy away from other family especially in this time of need. Don't think about how you can change for others in this time. Think about yourself and how you can make positive change in your life because of this experience. You never know how many others' lives you may affect from being true to yourself and others!

You have to do this for yourself, and no one else. No one else. Things happen all of the time. If the only reason you have to keep positive changes in your life are because of what happens to others, well, that is no gaurantee that you will be happy for life. Make yourself happy. It might sound selfish, but only you will save yourself.

[shcirerf]

I still have 2 grammas, one 95 one 96! Amazing women!

Forget about the rest of the family and what they think. Just do what you need to do for you.

You can choose to be your own worst enemy, or your own best friend!