I swear, I get all the way down to 146, have a beer or something, then go right back up to 148. I can't get my weight to go down and STAY DOWN. And I just want to get to 145. I want to see the number. I want to say that I weigh 145lbs. I want it! But it's so hard! I'm hoping my next period will whoosh these 2-3lbs off of me so I can get where I want and be done with this. But I feel like if I want anything I have to be super strict and super on plan and if I stray even the slightest bit my weight goes up. It seems like I don't even have to binge. Maybe I'm just overreacting like usual. But it's bugging me so much and it bugs me that I'm so obsessive over this thing that I don't think really matters in the first place.
I really just want to get to a place where I can live my life and not feel guilty about anything I do. I want to be able to eat a cookie, enjoy it, and not hate myself afterward. I used to say that I just want to be able to eat what I want and when, but I really just mean I want to be able to live and not worry about it. But I worry about it. So much. I eat something, and if it's not 100% on plan, I feel bad about it. Every time. "So always eat on plan!" And then I feel deprived, and they say "If it's gonna make you feel deprived, then do it." Ugh. It's so stressful! I can't get my mind or my body right at all.
I get where you are coming from as I can't wait for the day where my scales says I am in the 80kg range as I haven't been there for a few years. I don't even care if it's 89.9 I just want to see an 8 LOL it's part of the reason why I only weigh myself once a week instead of daily as I'm trying not to obsess over a number too much.
I know it's frustrating but I'm sure you will get there
I hit 149, but then settled up in the 153-154 range. Which means if I want to *be* 149, I'll need to hit 145.
Yep! I noticed the same phenomenon, and I didn't quite hit goal before taking a long break. I have my goal as 135 now, but only because I actually want to hit 139 and know that if I want to see the 30's reliably, I have to shoot for that buffer.
Good luck, mimsy. Hoping you can find peace with the headspace stuff; it's hard.
I hit 149, but then settled up in the 153-154 range. Which means if I want to *be* 149, I'll need to hit 145. It's discouraging; I hear you!
You will get there, I'm sure of it!
Same here! I think I was 149 for about 5 minutes No, actually I did drop to 147 right after but then hung out in the low 150s for months. Then I kind of quit paying attention and working out, gained 20, and am now back at it!
I second what everyone else is saying about the buffer. In order to stay at 143, I had to shoot for 140. I see that number once a month right after my TOM and most of the time I hang out at 141-143. If I see 143 I start cutting back my calories by a couple hundred and limiting carbs....even if only for 2 days until I see my number again. That is my maintain 3 pound yo yo plan.
My long term 2 year goal is to get comfortably to 134-137. I am obsessing about losing still but am tired of dieting and not having clothing that fits.....so I'm shooting for a very very slow loss.......like .25 per month. It helps me maintain.....and really after losing so much that is all I ultimately care about.
Maybe shooting for a slower loss would ease your obsession. You would still be working to your goal but really basically maintaining.
Oh and BTW....I still "feel guilty" if I eat a cookie or bagel etc. I am working at positive self talk. I tell my self its OK to add these things in, but I need to be aware of the consequences of that decision and be OK with them. A day or two of bloating and slightly higher weight. A day or two of calorie limitations. I have to have this conversation and realize that everyone has weight fluctuations and days of limiting calories. This helps to limit guilt.
Because of the way I'm wired I will never be completely comfortable with my weight and my food choices.....feeling " normal" is a relative term and is different for everyone.
You have to find your new normal...mental and physical patterns that you are comfortable with. Its a lifelong process.
Our bodies fight really hard to hold on to weight. It gets even more hard at the low weight you are. Losing 3lbs for someone your weight is as difficult as losing 20lbs would be for me at my weight. The smaller you are the harder your body fights to not lose weight. I think it's all about the set point, where your body feels its best. You're fixating on a number and all you're thinking about is cookies. Maybe it's time not to think about the number anymore.
Don't weigh every day. Your weight is going to vary by 2-3p depending on sodium, TOM, etc. I hover 3p within goal but never see over 140p. I used to be obsessed but I weigh once a month now just to make sure I haven't had a real fat gain. Allow yourself 2-3p flux just as long as you keep seeing within range of your happy number, but you won't see 145p solid every single time you weigh. Don't freak over a cookie either...I indulge plenty and still see 138p on the scale but I know when NOT to get on the scale too because of water bloat. I know I would see 141 (maybe more) and I'd rather not. I wait till I feel the bloat leave and then check.
Edited to ask: Do you exercise? That helps me to keep the numbers down even if I have an occasional indulge. Cardio is a wonderful thing.
I seriously could've written your post. It is so hard with the last few pounds, and it's hard not to obsess about it. Ugh. I really don't have any advice as I go through the exact same thing (currently sitting at 147lbs). so..again..
Quote:
Originally Posted by mimsyborogoves
Why do I obsess over 3 POUNDS?
I swear, I get all the way down to 146, have a beer or something, then go right back up to 148. I can't get my weight to go down and STAY DOWN. And I just want to get to 145. I want to see the number. I want to say that I weigh 145lbs. I want it! But it's so hard! I'm hoping my next period will whoosh these 2-3lbs off of me so I can get where I want and be done with this. But I feel like if I want anything I have to be super strict and super on plan and if I stray even the slightest bit my weight goes up. It seems like I don't even have to binge. Maybe I'm just overreacting like usual. But it's bugging me so much and it bugs me that I'm so obsessive over this thing that I don't think really matters in the first place.
I really just want to get to a place where I can live my life and not feel guilty about anything I do. I want to be able to eat a cookie, enjoy it, and not hate myself afterward. I used to say that I just want to be able to eat what I want and when, but I really just mean I want to be able to live and not worry about it. But I worry about it. So much. I eat something, and if it's not 100% on plan, I feel bad about it. Every time. "So always eat on plan!" And then I feel deprived, and they say "If it's gonna make you feel deprived, then do it." Ugh. It's so stressful! I can't get my mind or my body right at all.
Thanks for all of your support! This really isn't even weight loss for anything other than to lower my buffer zone. I'm scared that if I stop here, I'll go back up to the 150-153 (sometimes even 154 and 155) and I don't want to do that. But, I can't seem to get it to go past 146!
Funny thing right now is, quite literally, I've been stuck at 148.4 since Tuesday, no fluctuations whatsoever. I find that really odd.
I just want to see the number!!
