This might not be the right place to post this, but I'll give it a go. A month or so ago I joined the gym at my local rec center. I've been working out for less than a week now and came in one day to discover that a former "bully" of mine works the front desk. This is someone who antagonized me throughout grammar school, middle school & most of high school- mostly relating to my weight problem. I jetted out before she could see me sign in. This has resulted in me sitting at home for the last two days. I'm not a shy person, but for some reason it horrifies me to coexist with this person on what seems like their turf. It is my money that I've paid to be there & I have a strong desire to be successful. I should be able to sign in and stroll right past her with a smile on my face, right? My rational mind knows that she can't pull crap while she's on the clock, but I still feel so uncomfortable and (a bit) inexplicably shameful. I know it's all mental and we are adults now.
I wanted to know if anyone else has come across a similar situation or a situation where they had to face someone in this way? How would you suggest I handle this?
If it were me, I wouldn't let this hold me back. In fact, I would pretend I didn't know who she was at all, and if she struck up a conversation I would smile and ask if we knew each other. "Oh, you, I just forgot all about you! I would stay and chat but I have a tight schedule and I'm sure you need to get back to work." This isn't "her turf" - it's your turf and she's employed there. If she does have the audacity to pull any crap with you on the clock, I would go right to her supervisor and maybe as high as I could go. Someone who has bullied others about their weight throughout their childhood really has no place in work environment that is there to facilitate fitness.
I was happily chatting with a woman at a party for a 3-year-old. Her child, my child, and the birthday child were all in the same daycare class. Half way through the conversation, I learned that she was the WIFE of my old bully! Here I was, successful, happy, etc. And yet, upon learning that I could run into my old bully at drop-off or pick-up, I totally panicked! It was the strangest thing!
Unrelated, we moved out of state just a few weeks later, so I never did run into him. It had been 20 years since I last saw him; I'm sure it all would have been fine. But still... I totally get where you are coming from.
I loved the advice of the person above me. Definitely don't let this hold you back from going to the gym!
Is there an obligatory intro post rule I've over looked?
Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnP
Strangest first post I've seen ...
I've lurked on here for a couple of years and just never signed up to post. I just started my weight loss journey and immediately hit a wall. What better place to ask for advice? I have no real life persons that might relate to my situation is all. I didn't even think about this being my official first post.
Quote:
Originally Posted by newleaf123
I loved the advice of the person above me. Definitely don't let this hold you back from going to the gym!
Thanks for not making me feel so alone in this. Although it's been a couple of years since I've even seen her, that kind of thing sticks with you for a long time. I actually went to work out after posting this. Luckily, she wasn't there for me to deal with just yet. I'm glad I went.
You know what? I'd grin in her face as it got tinier, and tinier. I'd WANT her to see how motivated I am. I'm just one of those people who likes to rubs things in though.
Lordiebee, and no, there is not an obligatory first post protocol. I see people ask for specific advice in their first posts all the time. After all, this is a support forum, and no one, especially someone who is posting for the very first time, should be made to wonder if they've posted something odd or to feel as if they've somehow done it wrong. You haven't! I think it's great that you faced your fear and went to work out today not knowing if your former bully would be there or not. And I love PupMom's advice! That girl is just a worker there and her job is to assist you. You don't owe her the time of day.
I'm GO PROUD of you for going to the gym to get your workout in. I will not repeat what has already been said. I will say that you should always keep in mind that you are AMAZING just the way you are and you deserve to reach and exceed whatever goals you set for yourself. Every time you go to the gym or workout at home, you get stronger and closer to your goal. Do not let the bully steal your joy.
Looking back at high school classmates, the ones that were bullies were the ones who had issues and did not know of other ways to express frustrations. Sounds like she had issues.
There was one girl in high school who taunted me once about my weight. When it came time for our 20th reunion, I did not want to go because I knew she would be there. She was on the committee. So I let that stop me from attending and seeing old friends. I saw pictures of the reunion on Facebook. She was around 300 pounds I'm guessing. I let my fear of more teasing get in the way of what looked like a very fun event.
If I were you I would keep going. If she recognizes you and addresses you, talk to her. You're both adults in her workplace. It's not a place for either of you to become emotional. If she doesn't recognize you, just smile and keep working out.
Everyone pretty much covered the first part of what I was going to say. Go do your thing and if she bothers you complain to the supervisor. You do not pay a membership to be harrassed.
But on the flip side, maybe she is a better person or trying to be.
I would also agree with what everyone else here has said. Don't let her bother you and try to continue going. I would assume that the most common things that would happen is that either she entirely ignores you or she actually does say hello and acts friendly towards despite how she had been earlier on in her life. If she does decide to say something snarky to you, which would be such an idiot move, I would make it a point to talk to her supervisor, the head of the gym, and have them make her formally apologize to you because you are a paying customer like anyone else there and neither you or anyone else should be treated in a bad way. It will teach her a lesson. What comes around goes around.
On the other hand, once you have gone to the gym more, if having her there while you work out really bothers you or puts a damper in your mood (it probably would for me), I'm sure you will start to figure out her work schedule and can make a point to avoid her, although ultimately you shouldn't let her presence dictate when you can or can't go work out.
I don't even know you and I am incredibly proud that you went back, just as you should be! It took a lot of courage to face this and the possibility of running into her. Keep up the good work!
Welcome and I am glad that you posted. It is great that you went back. If she keeps you from going, you will have given her the power to affect your life. Don't give her that power! As others have said just act like you don't know her and if she gives you a problem, report her.
Gym Confrontations & Bullies
and no, there is not an obligatory first post protocol. I see people ask for specific advice in their first posts all the time. After all, this is a support forum, and no one, especially someone who is posting for the very first time, should be made to wonder if they've posted something odd or to feel as if they've somehow done it wrong. You haven't! I think it's great that you faced your fear and went to work out today not knowing if your former bully would be there or not. 
And I love PupMom's advice! That girl is just a worker there and her job is to assist you. You don't owe her the time of day.
