With my family nor his. It's not the food, its the questions, comments or looks. I am proud of what I have accomplished so far, but aside from BF, here and some work people, no one really knows what I am up too. I don't want to have to tell people what I am doing or why, or anything. I just don't want to talk about it yet. My BF isn't being very helpful. I tried to tell him a week ago that I wanted to skip the family thing and just hang out together instead, then today we get an email from him mom, confirming that we will be there Saturday. I DON't WANNA!!! I tried to explain but he doesn't really get it and just wants me to suck it up. I feel like I might be being a little selfish, but to be honest, his family events are not really a good time and he dislikes them more than I do, I would have thought he would have jumped at the chance to bail!
I JUST DON'T WANNA
Last edited by Silverfire; 03-28-2013 at 04:29 PM.
I feel the same way you do. Holidays are hard with the million questions and everyone looking at my plate to see if I eat enough, what I eat, etc. I am on a fairly restricted diet and I am not asking my family nor his to prepare things in a certain way, etc.
Easter is cancelled this year. Well, with the family that is!There will be plenty of holidays coming that I can be a normal person for, one isn't that big a deal. And I'm done with the guilt trips too, esp. from his side. DONE!
It will be dinner for 3, me hubby and the doggy of course!
If you must go you need to give them a heads-up as to what is going on or he should. My mum is coming to visit in a couple of weeks and I do not want her to jeopardise my weight loss by expecting me to eat the same as her, even at the same time as her or with her. So I called her, told her where I was at and what to expect. Happily she was supportive of my efforts and will hopefully fully support me when she is here. I'm using this as a green card to eat salads and (for some meals) not sit at the dinner table with her.
If that does not work then it's out with the big guns and I'm going to reveal the health issues including high blood pressure and cholesterol.
I get the feeling. BUT fellow Sasky, some harsh advice:
Get your rear end to dinner and suck it up. Why you ask? for the following reasons.
If this is a forever dude, the family is part of the package and it sounds like your relationship is maybe already a little on the iffy side with them. Here's what's going to go through their heads if you skip:
(if they're aware at all that you've lost weight) "She's getting skinny and thinks she's too good for us".
"What have we done to offend her? She must not like us"
"She doesn't want to be part of the family. hmmph!!!"
Nobody's going to get it, and they're going to assume you're being closed mouthed out of rudeness, not because your journey is a personal thing. And with your own family? You'll have the same thing.
If you really don't want to talk about it, don't. If the conversation is flowing, no one will notice your portions are smaller. If someone comments on your loss, don't engage, just thank them for the compliment and change the subject.
Take it from someone who's been there. You do not want to miss a moment with your family. You'll regret it later. I've skipped so many things because of my weight or in the beginning when I didn't want people judging my progress. You can't get that time back.
I agree with Jane and go. Families aren't always going to be around ...something may happen and there could never be another chance to be together again.
Wish I could go back in time and have those memories..
Be a worker Bee and help setup people will not pay that much attention to what your eating if you are helping get the meal out.
And if people notice say yep I losing weight under medical advisement ,My Doctor is pleased with my progress and change the subject , and thank them for their concern...and would anyone care for some more coffee..I brew a pot and exit the room!
Jane speaks much wisdom on this subject - heed that advice!
I agree! And focus on others rather than so much on yourself. As a pastor friend used to say "When we are worrying what other people are thinking about us, most of the time they are not thinking about us at all."
I seem to be the only one who said you don't have to go if you don't want to. And I know that life is too short to not see people in our family and there is no promise of tomorrow. But sometimes we have to do what is best for us (me) and if it means skipping family drama (whether weight related or otherwise), it's what I have to do.
I apologize for leading you different than everyone else, I would never do it on purpose. I was strictly going with feelings in my heart and not logically like everyone else seems to have done.
I know it's hard. When I was first married, we avoided almost all the holiday things, but when we had our daughter we felt obligated to go so she could have time with her grandparents and uncles. At first, we would often beg off early (my husband would get all stressed and that would trigger a migraine), but at least we'd go.
Now it's not so bad. We've grown on each other over the years.
As to the food thing, I no longer worry. I take a lot of meat and veggies, so my plate doesn't look empty. I just pass the potatoes and bread on by to the next person. No one seems to notice, or care. The only times it's been hard is when the only veggies are peas and corn, which are too starchy for me most of the time.
For tomorrow, I'm making deviled eggs to bring. I haven't been asked to bring anything. I no longer care. I'm bringing them. And if it's the only thing other than the ham that I can eat, I'll still be satisfied.
And I'll talk and laugh and ask my brother-in-law about his travels, and not mention dieting or food restrictions or weight loss at all. If it's mentioned, I'll change the subject.
I seem to be the only one who said you don't have to go if you don't want to. And I know that life is too short to not see people in our family and there is no promise of tomorrow. But sometimes we have to do what is best for us (me) and if it means skipping family drama (whether weight related or otherwise), it's what I have to do.
I apologize for leading you different than everyone else, I would never do it on purpose. I was strictly going with feelings in my heart and not logically like everyone else seems to have done.
Don't be silly! Your personal experience and advice are just as relevant as ours! I've read your posts on your family and I get why you see things the way you do. It's always good to hear all sides
I don't want to go to Easter dinner!
Well, with the family that is!There will be plenty of holidays coming that I can be a normal person for, one isn't that big a deal. And I'm done with the guilt trips too, esp. from his side. DONE!
