My boyfriend of 5years dumped me last night.......
We were supposed to go to the coast for 2 days this weekend but my bird got sick and is now on antibiotics and i have to clean the cage twice a day and i dont trust anyone to give meds incase they over dose her or suffocate her, so I said i wasnt going to go anymore - no big deal as his family owns a house down there so no planning was required. anyway he said he completly understand - his words, and later that night he told me he doesnt want to be 2nd best to my bird...........
WTF?
Im heart broken to be honest and my sister is over seas and now i feel so alone, I didnt even get told face to face or over the phone - I got a text message - apparently after 5years im not even worth a phone call or a drive to my house.
It came from nowhere and now im too depressed to want to exercise or count calories, I just want to lie in my bed and cry.
It feels like all the weight i lost has been for nothing, im almost skinny and now my boyfriend doesnt even love me anymore - all that work for nothing.
I'm so sorry to hear that this happened to you, and this way. People who love us have to understand that we are responsible for our pets/family members and we care for them when they're ill and need us. I've cancelled trips for ill pets, as well as for ill family members. If it was a grandmother, would he not have wanted to be second to a grandparent, etc. It sounds like a weak reason, so certainly don't think that WAS the reason for him leaving, but an excuse.
You didn't lose the weight for HIM, I hope! You did it for YOU. You will meet someone who will love you for YOU - not skinny you, heavier you, blonde you, brunette you, tall you, short you, interesting you, boring you, whatever - but for YOU - the "who you are" you.
Thanks - I am losing the weight for me but part of me is thinking if he doesnt love me skinny, will anyone?
I know its stupid but thses are the thoughts running through my very emotional head
My bird is my baby - I had raised her since the day she hatched, and I cant lose her because the beach (which I hate) was planned for the weekend, I couldnt never live like that, thinking back he really was unsupportive, when my aunt died I told him (it was super early in the morning when I was notified) he said "sorry" and rolled over and went to sleep, when my beloved dog died he didnt stay with me cause he wanted to see a comedy show - its all becoming clear how mean and insensitive he really was sometimes, but I loved him.........
You sound like a compassionate, caring person and you deserve someone like THAT in your life!
Yes, get the thought out of your mind that if he isn't choosing to be with you now, that no one else will. His leaving is making the way for someone that you're SUPPOSED to be with, to be with you. I know it sounds wrong right now, and you probably don't want to hear it, but I truly believe that most things in like happen for reasons and in a year or whenever you'll look back and sigh a big sigh of relief and think - WOW - I dodged that one because now I've got SUCH a caring partner!
I'll echo what the others have said, and tell you not to think like that- you seem like a caring, compassionate person and there is absolutely no reason that no one else would want to be with you. He's out there, you just haven't found him yet. This guy, as much as you cared about him, was clearly not right for you and was blocking your "view" from finding the man you're supposed to be with.
*Hugs Michelle*, I'm so sorry you are going through this.
I know that pain you have right now and it sucks (sorry, but it does). And somehow you will get through this and be stronger from it. I hated when people told me that but it was true. And I would never have found my amazing husband if everything I thought I wanted in life had worked out.
And I just want to say, this has nothing to do with your little birdie. For him to break up with you over something like this, he was just waiting for the right moment for him to drop an excuse on you. And...your bird deserves to be taken care of and you are his owner. That didn't mean your boyfriend was 2nd to him but the bird needs you literally to survive. For him to say that, whatever (to him, I mean).
You deserve a caring, compassionate man in your life and I don't think he was the one. You have done amazing things for yourself and your weightloss is amazing. Celebrate you and take good care of yourself (and your birdie too!), we are here for you. We might just be an online forum but know that we care and are thinking of you today.
Last edited by elvislover324; 03-28-2013 at 09:05 AM.
Reason: typo
Thanks!
Thers a reason for everything, and a rainbow after ever storm - my personal mottos, hard to follow them tho
I cant imagine life without him - its been so long, im just going to focus on getting my goals and see what happens, its going to be weird being single - lol, more time for gym and less temptations i guess
Sometimes the bad relationships prep you to appreciate the upcoming good ones. If I didn't have this one really craptastic relationship, I might not have realized how awesome the next was (that I eventually married). And sometimes we stay with people too long because it's comfortable. I stayed with one guy for 5 years because it's what I knew, it was safe but I wasn't happy. He was and is a nice guy but we weren't meant to be together. It took me a long time to realize that and it hurt like h*ll at the time.
As others have said, it's just an excuse and your weight has zero to do with it. There's something else going on that he's too immature to discuss, so he laid some BS on you. Try not to waste your time questioning why when he didn't give you all the pieces.
Also, taking care of others is not a bad thing. I'm sure you had taken care of him when he was (not like threateningly) ill. You didn't break up with him because your parent/relative didn't want to come second to a sick bf. It's just silly to even think about.
Take care of yourself and focus on what's important to you.
Sometimes we love people that aren't good for us or to us. The mind works in strange ways. What he did was cruel and unreasonable. It sounds like he used that as an excuse to get out of your relationship. And after reading what else you've said about him, I'd say that you're better off without him!
I'm sure you're a wonderful person. Take care of yourself. Don't let this ruin all the progress you've made. He wasn't worth your time and now you can find someone who is.
It sounds like there was only one adult in your relationship......and in case that wasn't clear enough, your boyfriend was not the adult. Right now you're hurting. But in six months, you may be in a position to wonder what the attraction was in the first place.
Everyone has covered the who are you dieting for comments. But, I would also tell you that the times in my life when I grew the most as a person were when I was alone. It allows you to figure out what really matters to you, determine what makes you happy, and helps you to understand that you can be your own best friend. So take some time just for you both to heal and to renew.
Thanks guys! your words mean so much - went to the gym and ran til i wanted to puke (instead of running to the junk food) and in that time I realised I am going to focus on my animals and me - like you said, they need me more than I need a man (even the wrong one) in my life.
5yrs is a long time to be with someone - so i will need major time to adjust and get over my fear of being forever alone. lol, parents can mess you up sometimes
I'm not looking forward to going public with this, any advise?
Are you sure is over???? It sounds to me like something somebody would say to make you feel guilty rather than breaking up with you...
I must admit that sometimes I tell my husband the same thing but is basketball or other sports (watching) on weekends... But that doesn't mean I want to end my 9 year marriage because of it...
Did he said something else? Did he actually said "I don't think this is working and I need some time?? If he didnt, it sounds like a little tantrum to me and he might get over it.
If the relationship is truly worth it and it has a future, I would talk to him. If he is easily replaceable, then let it be.
His words were "i dont want to be 2nd best to your animals or family, I want a break and then i will decide if I want to try" To me this was it - am I not worth fighting for before you take a break?
We spoke about it til late into the night and he eventully said "It's too late" so I will work on moving on, I expressed myself last night telling him how i felt about him and all i got was "okay" and that broke my heart more than i can say.
Well, there was defenetly more to the story... What a jerk!
You lost weight for you, and now is your time to enjoy it get a mini make over and let him die seeing what he let go. I think a break-up is the best motivation ever to improve yourself.
I'd leave it at "we're not seeing each other anymore," to anyone that you want to tell, or who asks maybe in regards to future plans. If someone that you aren't too close with asks why, I'd be tempted to say, why would you ask me that?
You're right - five years is a long time to be with someone and you're not the same person now that you were when you got together (and neither is he) ... you might now be looking for a different type of partner, one who is more supportive, caring, compassionate and empathetic. But that's down the line a bit - staying busy will help - maybe branch out with a new interest (yoga class or something that has a diff group of people).
single after 5years
