[veggiedaze]

well i don't really know what went wrong yesterday. It was all going well. I woke up with a positive attitude, went on a jog, and then went on a little excursion ot of town with a friend. When we got to where we were going he was hungry and wanted a burger and fries. I had just had a big breakfast before we left and so i wasn't hungry, but i stil felt a little on edge watching him eat so i went outside to take some pictures of the landscape.

Anyways, when we got home it was past dinner time, and I was overly hungry by this time and little agitated because I was anxious to have dinner and he kept having to make little stops to run errands. So finally when we got back the plan was for me to go have my dinner at my house and then I would meet him at his place to watch a movie and enjoy a glass on wine together, something I was really looking forward to as a treat to unwind. So dinner went fine, and when I got to his place I was really anxious to have that glass of wine and start the movie. But my friend has cleaning OCD issues and when I got there he had started cleaning and I was trying to be patient. By this time it was getting close to 9pm and I started getting in a really bad mood just wanting him to stop and relax and open that wine. Honestly I rarely stay up past 8pm because I find when I stay up late I am very vulnerable to binging. So FINALLY we opened that wine and started the movie. But my mind could not relax. And I was not into the movie. And that's when he brought out the popcorn. Just a bag for him because he knows I have issues.

Well i snapped. binge mode. had to make my own bag, then continued with cheese and crackers, and then acknowledged I was in binge mode and had to go home. Of course i had to stop at the store to get other things. Needless to say it all went to he_l from there . I went to bed feeling pretty bad. I had just started participating in the March binge-free challenge on this site and was excited to report day 2, but now I am back to day 1 and not so motivated. Sorry this is so long just really needed to vent. I hate how what other people do can affect me so much and put me in a bad mood. I should have known not to have wine on my day one. Wine can be hit or miss for me. Sometimes it helps me to relax and sometimes it lowers my inhibitions and actually triggers binging. Also, staying up too late can be a recipe for disaster for me unless I have a few good days behind me to feel good about. So today is a do over. Hopefully tomorrow will be day 2.

[danzingurl77]

I'm sorry you had a rough night! I totally get that anxious feeling too when I'm waiting for someone and can't stick to my exact plans... It freaks me out.

I hope today is a better day for you!

[betsy2013]

I so understand where you're coming from. One of the hardest things for me -- and I imagine a lot of bingers -- is to put ourselves first. Your friend knows that you're trying to lose weight and while I'm sure he didn't intentionally do anything to sabotage it, by the time that movie came on and he brought out the popcorn, do you realize you had spent basically THE ENTIRE DAY both abstaining from eating, having things eaten in front of you that you couldn't have and having to display a whole lot of patience just to get to a point where you could do something that YOU enjoy? Yes, we all dislike the divas who make every day about them. They wouldn't have even let your friend have his lunch. But, it's taken me a long time to learn that at some point I have to recognize the signs and just do what's best for me. And, if I'm honest and say it in a nice way, my real friends understand. If they don't, then I just socialize with them less.

The encouraging thing in all of this. You have restarted the clock on being binge free. We all have slips. But, it's the getting back on track that counts. Something I need to do myself today after a pretty bad eating day myself yesterday.

[veggiedaze]

aww, thanks guys. Your support really helps. I just wrote a long rant on how I struggle to have a social life with this disorder, but somehow I clicked on something and lost it. To make a long story short, my biggest struggle is how to achieve a social life and keep my disorder in check. I feel like I have not discovered how to have both. Anyone else feel like this?