How do you deal if you lose the weight, but then gain it all back and more?
It's truly an awful feeling....my weight has gone up and down for the last 10 years, but I've never had it happen where I start at 187...get down to 167...then go up to 199!! I felt terrible enough about my body at 187!
It's hard not to be embarrassed or frustrated about the fact that at one point, everyone was telling you how great you looked, but not anymore. At one point, you hated being in the 180's, but now you'll be so happy if you get back down there again.
At one point, you weighed less than your boyfriend, but now, you weigh 20 pounds more.
At one point, you enjoyed working out and eating right, but now, you struggle not to eat a chocolate bar a day.
I don't know what changed. Is it perhaps I got so comfortable in my relationship I let myself go? When I got down to 167 I was feeling very insecure about my looks vs. his exes, but now I've accepted that I'm the only one he loves and wants to be with.
I guess I've traded one evil for another..
Last edited by summerlove; 02-20-2013 at 02:28 PM.
Second: I am not sure how to help you, at the end of the day you have to want it yourself. You know what to do, now you just have to do it.
It's hard seeing the scale going up and up... At the beggining you are in denial thinking "it's water weight" but the scale keeps going up and at one point you have to realized that is time to stop.
Accountability is very important, and stopping making up excuses is a big step.
I know you'll get back on track, take one meal at the time and try to get moving!
Been there too. I got down to 126 7 years ago and felt fantastic, but let myself reach about 190, which was a few more than what I started at. I was lucky that I ate small meals during my last pregnancy and two months a after giving birth ended at 160. It took me a few years to finally stop just playing with the idea of being thin and actually put all my effort. I wanted to feel fantastic again, so I stopped making excuses bought an elliptical, bike and bench all for under 70 bucks used. I stopped making junk and 3 months later I have succeeded. It might take you longer but who cares the longer it takes the more time u have to get used to your new life style. I didn't know about maintenance before but having 3fc I have no excuses now. You know what u need to do and u can do it!
The same exact thing has happened to me. I think the best thing you're doing right now is taking ownership of it and wanting to make a change. The next step is actually making a change. At least that's how I'm trying to deal with it. Hopefully it will work for you, too
I didn't lose ALL the weight but I went from 207 to 168, went back up to 205, back down to 183, all the way up to 215.1. I'm 204 right now so I'm rerestarting my weight loss and it's hard. Hard to look at clothes I had JUST bought before I gained the weight back. Hard to have to buy new clothes because I got rid of too much when I was below 175.
But we're here. We're back trying to do it again. I think if I keep at keeping at it that one day it will stick. Until then I hope don't keep yo-yoing but the only thing I can do about it is keep trying. What's done is done and I can kick myself all I want but that isn't helping anything.
How do you deal if you lose the weight, but then gain it all back and more?
You reach the point of putting the past behind you, buckle down, and do it again. But this time with more understanding, yet again, of the pitfalls. At least, that's been my experience. I went from 188 down to 158, then up to 205, now down to 161 and still chugging. Uggghhhhhhhhhh.
I have been overweight since I was 16. I am now 43.
I have tried to lose weight exactly 3 times in my life purposefully. There have been times my weight has been up and down, but that wasn't by me TRYING to lose or gain.
So, first time I tried to lose I was 20-21 years old. I weighed 185. I started exercising (and gained fitness fast) and I went on a very low calorie diet. I lost 20 pounds FAST (like in 2 months) and was doing great, but then I just got tooooooo hungry and gained it all back (but not more).
Next time I dieted, I joined WW. I started at 235 when I was 27 years old. I was exercising and eating the points. I lost on average 8 lbs a month and got dow to 185. I looked great and felt great, but then it allllll fell apart. Within two years I gained the 50 pounds back AND added 40 more pounds to it.
I swore I would never, ever diet again for fear of gaining it all back and more. I felt so completely out of control and obviously I was. I didn't know what made me lose control. Well, now I know.
When I didn't diet, my weight held pretty steady. I was at 275 for two years. Then it went up and down quite a bit with having a baby, moving, etc. Then it was around 265 for about 4 years. Then we moved again and I lose weight with the extra activity. Then I was 255 and I stayed there for a year. Then my health fell apart. I HAD TO TAKE THE WEIGHT OFF.
What I had learned through my trials and errors was this: starvation doesn't work. Exercise works and it makes me feel good too. Eating sugary stuff makes me want more sugary stuff. And EVERY single time I start to slip up, even now? It's due to lack of sleep and sugar. Too little sleep and I go to simple carbs to boost my energy level... and then I just crave carbs. THAT is how I lost control when I was 27. I switched jobs, had a baby/toddler that didnt' sleep, a spouse in a rigorous PhD program and I was working full time, doing EVERYTHING with no money and I was just toooooooo tired and stressed and ate too much sugar/simple carbs. And by doing that, I lost control to sugar addiction (glucose intolerance).
So... this time, I feel I know everything I need to know... but I'm wrong. I'll keep learning as I'm sure I'll keep stumbling a little bit here and there, but with every little stumble, next time it will just be easier to stay better for it the next time.
Last edited by berryblondeboys; 02-20-2013 at 04:20 PM.
I've never done this, I confess. I was chubby, then fat, then downright morbidly obese for years - and when I was ready to change it I did, and havent looked back since. My biggest weight bounce was ten pounds up, and then I stopped playing around and get my head back in the game.
Weight loss is just that - fat metabolized for energy, making us lighter. It doesn't change our personalities (though it may bring out some characteristics we suppressed out of shyness or embarrassment previously), our worth, our intellect, or even our physical beauty beyond that single, size based aesthetic. It isn't a body switch, plastic surgery, or therapy. So whatever underlying issues or characteristics are there before the weight loss will STILL be there after the weight loss.
And if you don't deal with the undesirable or self defeating ones, you WILL continue to struggle.
The way to 'beat' the regain game is twofold - one, modify your habits in a way you can live with and enjoy, that leads to a smaller, healthier body. Two, figure out where in your brain you are justifying an inappropriate use of food or abuse of your body, if your eating is at ALL emotionally dictated.
Sometimes it is a matter of finding an approach that suits your body and hunger is the only and biggest problem to conquer. But for many of us, it is psychological as well and both aspects must be healthfully and fully dealt with to manage weight comfortably long term. That's maintenance, and it is made much easier by coming to resolution on the previous two points. It's my best advice for you.
Last edited by Arctic Mama; 02-20-2013 at 04:39 PM.
Got up to 220 right out of college, went down to 170. Parents divorced and I didn't handle it very well and ate my way up to 265 over 6 years, which made me twitch and cry for days.
I tried to lose weight for my wedding, got down to 235, and then the honeymoon derailed us again.
This time? We really want kids and I really don't want to start out pregnant at 265, gain baby weight, and then yeah, I'd probably never ever lose it. I'm already out of my 20's and having a baby in my 30's is bad enough without being obese.....
So that's my motivation. Every time I get discouraged, I add to my baby shower list on Amazon LOL. So far its worked nicely.
I know how to lose the weight. I know it's not going to disappear overnight as much as I'd like it too. Yo-yoing has taught me lots about getting rid of fat, but you just have to find a reason to truck on through the hard days. I used to say I'd never go over 220 again and yeah, never say never.
Unless it's I"ll never be skinny.... I'm going to say that so karma can prove me wrong I guess.
Don't let it get you down and don't focus on it. It happened, and trust me I've been there. I got depressed for weeks when I realized I'd gained what I lost times two. It's a nasty feeling. But I'm not that person anymore. I'm learning that diets are really lifestyle changes. I focus on what I'm working for and remind myself that the end goal is worth whatever hardship I face on the road to get there.
I did something similar. It was kind of sad when i came back to 3FC and had to change my profile signature because my new goal weight was higher than the weight i actually WAS before.
So, this time around, my goal is to prevent that from happening again. In other words, to prevent weight gain. I no longer have dreams of being "thin." All i want is to lose a couple pounds (literally like 2-3 pounds) and MAINTAIN it. And if, after that happens, i continue with the plan, i know i will lose a bit more.
People always said that you have to find a plan you can stick with for life, but it never really clicked in my mind until this time.
I lost more than 100 pounds on three different occasions before I finally got my act together several years ago and lost it for the final time. I feel very comfortable in maintenance and don't worry anymore about gaining it back.
It is embarrassing. It shouldn't be, but it is. The dread of seeing somebody whom you haven't seen since you gained it back is just an awful feeling. I hate to think of how many social events I missed because I was hoping to lose the weight again before I had to see these people again.
Push comes to shove, though, and you just have to suck it up and do it again. Put a lot of thought into what went wrong, how you can fix it, what you can do differently, and just keep moving on.
There's a reason that everybody knows the term yo-yo dieting. It's because everybody's done it. Maybe for some people it's a simple ten pounds and for others it's a hundred, but pretty much everybody has had some experience with it.
It's truly an awful feeling....my weight has gone up and down for the last 10 years, but I've never had it happen where I start at 187...get down to 167...then go up to 199!! I felt terrible enough about my body at 187!
I'm with you, same for me, 10 years about. Was up to 193, down to 143, up to 236!!! Down to 173, up to 193, up to 236 again! Awful cycle.
Quote:
Originally Posted by summerlove
It's hard not to be embarrassed or frustrated about the fact that at one point, everyone was telling you how great you looked, but not anymore. At one point, you hated being in the 180's, but now you'll be so happy if you get back down there again.
I definitely was embarrassed. Avoided people who hadn't seen me, avoided going out all together. Also can relate to feeling like 180s were horrible at one point, then LONGING to be 180 again. Perspective is everything isn't it!? Depends on which side of 180 you're on!
Quote:
Originally Posted by summerlove
At one point, you weighed less than your boyfriend, but now, you weigh 20 pounds more.
At one point I was 40 + pounds less than my, then boyfriend (now husband), and at one point got to 50 + pounds more. Horrible, so demoralizing, discouraging, frustrating, embarrassing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by summerlove
At one point, you enjoyed working out and eating right, but now, you struggle not to eat a chocolate bar a day.
Definitely can relate to this too. After gaining it all back plus some I longed for the days it seemed those things came easy and felt like I was remembering a different life. One that I no longer had access to.
Quote:
Originally Posted by summerlove
I don't know what changed. Is it perhaps I got so comfortable in my relationship I let myself go? When I got down to 167 I was feeling very insecure about my looks vs. his exes, but now I've accepted that I'm the only one he loves and wants to be with.
I think comfort can have something to do with it! "Letting yourself go", ug, I've always hated that phrase, but I know what you mean. It's funny looking back and seeing insecurities at a certain (lower) weight, then being heavier and thinking "man was I crazy!?"
Quote:
Originally Posted by summerlove
I guess I've traded one evil for another..
Sometimes it seems like that's the case!
For me it has and hasn't gotten better. Yes, I've lost all the weight, plus a tad. I'm just as insecure as ever. My 230+ pound self would be mortified that I'm unhappy at this weight, but like I said, perspective is everything.
It's hard to get back to it when it feels like there's such a long road ahead, but what's the alternative? I was sick of being so out of shape and so incredibly heavy. it made everything so much more difficult.
Kind of rambling now, but just wanted you to know you are not alone. MANY of us have been there with regains, big ones, and have made it back! It's possible!!!
Like PreciousMissy, I could have written your story. I went from 234 to 160 (155 at the lowest)! I got a BF and, in 1 year, I shot up to 203 because I lost focus.
Now I'm fighting the good fight again. As I'd gained 40 pounds, I was embarrassed to be around my friends. They had been so proud of me for losing weight and they told me, daily, that I looked "so good!". Now, I felt like I did what everyone probably expected....I regained.
But, you know what, I'm human and you are human. The only thing we'd have to be ashamed of is if we give up. I'm never giving up and neither are you. I WILL get back down to 160 pounds - or I'll die trying!
Hold your head up and keep pushing yourself. You can do this!
I hear that!! I was in the 110s/120s (or around that) until I started DOING my life wrong: quit uni, got a "normal" job, got a mortgage (at 22), tried to do everything by the book and nothing that I wanted. I went up to 175, and stayed there throughout my 20s, and HATED it. I dieted. Did slim fast, starving myself, guilting myself, trying to do exercise that bored me because I thought I "should", tried no-carb, counted calories etc etc etc... And continued to hate being around 175, occasionally boomeranging up to about 185.
Then, the entirely wrong life I'd built for myself came crashing down around me, over 3 long, slow, painful years. What I wouldn't give to be 175 again. And what I'm doing now is basically the opposite of what didn't work before, plus adding in some things I used to do at 175 (like walking regularly).
I met my boyfriend at the time things started to go wrong for me, and had the ex-obsession. Now his ex is my friend. A really good one. (that took 2 years and I'll never say it wasn't a challenge!!). But the hours I used to spend comparing myself to how I thought she was?! Ridiculous when I look at it now! And especially now I realise she's as human as me, with flaws I don't have, and problems of her own even greater than mine. I can't believe the amount of time I used to spend thinking "she's thinner and richer than me therefore he must love her and not me". Oh, wtf! Irrational brain is... very irrational!!
I am going off on a tangent. Let's just say I ended up at 212 and not at all happy about it. And when I started doing things that work for me, rather than what I thought I "should" do, the weight started coming off. And now I've stalled. And I hate it. But hey, I agree about preventing weight GAIN being the primary thing. If I can prevent weight gain forever through new habits, and lose a little here and there through concerted effort, I might just have found a solution.
What I did was say "Thank goodness for 3fc and all the people here who have been through this - some who have already succeeded and others who are here with me right now, sharing this journey."
I've also spent a lot of time thinking why I failed the last time - which I really, honestly did think was going to be my final time. And I have come up with some answers, some additional learnings from that experience that I hope to use to make this IT, the final time I have to lose the weight. And then get to figure out maintenance, which is something else again, but that I am looking forward to figuring out!
How do you deal if you lose the weight, but then gain it all back and more?
