I work as a nanny for a wonderful family. They're from Brazil but now live in Canada and they're some of the loveliest people I've ever met. When I was applying for the job, the thought did cross my mind that I might not get the job because of my weight. I feel ashamed admitting that and slightly ridiculous. It really is something I thought about.
That isn't the only reason I'm writing this today though. A few weeks ago, the mother of the family told me her younger brother would be visiting from Brazil and I asked what he did for a living and she told me he was a fashion journalist. I was so nervous to meet him because I thought he'd think I'm a fat disgusting freak and it doesn't help that he works with supermodels everyday. I was so uneasy about meeting him today. I kept adjusting my shirt because I felt extra bulgy and he was so sweet but I thought I was being judged. I feel stupid about the whole thing but I thought writing it down might help me put it in perspective. Have any of you ever felt insecure about meeting new people because of the way you look?
I feel nervous about meeting people and being judged about my weight all the time. But honestly, we are our own worst critic. Anything we think about ourselves is bound to be a 1000 times worse than what other think. Keep your head up, and don't be so hard on yourself!
I think that feeling of insecurity can/does stem from us having issues with our weight/size, but it really is just that, "[a] feeling of insecurity", which only we feel and have.
Even though I am at a completely "normal" and healthy weight I can still feel very insecure around people, even those I see everyday that I know love me and don't judge me.
I don't know how long it takes for that feeling to go away, but as Mozzy said, we are our own worst critics!
Whilst I would tell you to focus on your personality and 'fun factor' when it comes to how much people like you, I must admit that I feel self conscious sometimes. I guess when you're not happy about yourself then you can't believe anyone else would be either.
But you still should believe that your personality and fun factor count. I have lots of overweight friends and I LOVE them regardless of their weight. So the same can be true for you, I am sure people care about more than your weight. Do you look for friends who are a certain weight or a certain personality?
Last edited by LucyOlivia; 12-03-2012 at 02:52 PM.
I often feel self conscious meeting new people because of my weight! I'm a supply teacher so I meet new people and students everyday and always wonder if they're judging me for my weight! I'm sure they're not, but it's hard not to feel that way after a lifetime of weight related bullying!
I know how you feel, but in the back of my mind I also know that it's silly. I work in Japan, where a lot of the people are just naturally thin, and that drove me nuts for the first few months. It didn't help that I'm in several elementary schools and kids haven't fully developed the filter between their brains and their mouths and would give me a hug then tell me things like "You're much fatter than our old ALT" in Japanese.
Honestly, the teeny-tiny girls in the office didn't say a thing about my weight until they noticed I came back from summer vacation smaller than when I left...at which time the 36 kg girls showered me in compliments and asked for diet tips (Tip #1, if I've lost more than half your body weight, you probably don't need a diet). So really, like everyone else is saying, we're our own worst enemies when it comes to body image...people didn't think less of me because I was the fat one, but they're impressed when they realize how hard I'm working to change.
Thanks for your responses everyone. I know there are people who have similar experiences and feelings out there as I do but it is nice to hear from some of them.
Mozzy, you're right and thank you. I really am my own worst critic. I've come a long way thanks to therapy and a lot of self-reflection but old habits sure do die hard for me. Being kind to myself is one thing I struggle with.
EricAnn, I guess I'm finding it awfully hard to beat the insecurity. I imagine my life being void of insecurities when I'm smaller in size but hearing that you still feel judged from time to time even at a "normal" weight is interesting to hear. Thanks for the perspective.
LucyOlivia That's a great point and I definitely do look on the inside of people rather thank looks but I am very non-judgmental of other people in general. It reminds me that people are probably too wrapped up in their own worlds to focus on how fat someone is or anything else about their looks. I know I certainly spend a lot of time thinking about me when I'm out and about rather than the people I come across lol. Thanks!
Phae, my other job is as a tutor in a homework club and the kids are so candid. I once had a little boy ask me what animal I would be if I could choose and I told him I didn't know and he said "an elephant". I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Yes, you're right and thank you. A lifetime of feeling judged because of your weight is hard to overcome.
Hotaruchan, thanks for responding and I know that working with kids can be interesting to say the least. A friend of mine recently returned from teaching English in Japan and he wasn't a big guy to start off with but he ended up losing about 30 pounds. He hasn't spoken too much about it to me but I remember him telling me that he wanted to integrate into the society as much as he could and maybe losing weight was a result of it.
I know how it feels. I used to dread going out because I was afraid of what people would think if they saw how fat I am. Especially when I'm with my little sister. She's the athletic type, complete opposite of me.
But ever since I started losing weight everything changed. Now it's like "yeahh take a good look now because you won't be seeing this fatty soon!" *snap fingers* My friend thought I have a little more "swagger" with the way I walk too haha
Insecurity about meeting people
