Depression and Weight IssuesHave you been diagnosed with depression, are possibly on depression medication, and find it affects your weight loss efforts? Post here for support!
So I went out Salsa dancing on Saturday night with some girlfriends. It was an early celebration of my birthday which falls on Thanksgiving this year. It was also the first time that I've felt good enough about myself to go out dancing in a long time. I bought new shoes, had a cute outfit and sat there in the corner all night while every thin girl at the club was chosen to dance but me.
Maybe it's in my mind but men were literally going up to all of the slim women and asking them to dance and all of the bigger girls stayed on the sides watching. I felt utterly pathetic. At some point I got up out of my seat and started dancing in place to show that I was game but to no avail.
This is why I've stayed home in the past because I didn't want to feel rejected or invisible in public. I don't want to allow this to derail me from all of the progress that I've made but I can't seem to shake the sadness of still not feeling good enough. None of these strangers know how much weight I've lost, they just see a fat girl. Ugh.
Aawww, ChickieBoom..... I know how you feel. I know this might sound bad, but that's the reason I've been avoiding going out. I don't think I'll feel confident until I see a certain number on the scale, and right now I'm far from that number. The last time I had a girls' night out, I played the role of 'fat friend' while we were out. While my two girlfriends had to beat these guys off with a stick, I couldn't even get one to make eye contact with me. And I wasn't even at my heaviest. I've just been avoiding the whole going out thing since. I know once I feel more confident about myself, it'll show, and I'll have a better time whether or not I get approached by some guy. But I don't feel confident with myself right now. You've come a long way, weight wise, so don't let one bad night out derail you from your course. Just stick to the plan and you'll forget about those jerks in no time!
Thanks so much everyone. I had a moment of feeling sorry for myself but I feel better now. I've worked really hard to get where I am and I did it for myself so I absolutely won't let anyone derail me. I just need to shake it off.
I'm right there with you. Can't make it any better. I hate when it happens. I used to offer to be the sober driver and then just sit in the car so I didn't have to go in to the bar and be rejected.
I think men, when they're out at a place like that, tend be looking for the hottest(in their mind) to dance with. When I'm at parties where dancing isn't the main objective lots of guys talk to me, sometimes even hit on me(assuming there isn't a super hot girl around).
Men are strange and I think sometimes, in certain situations, they are more likely to act more shallow than at other times.
That's just my opinion though. Don't even worry about what they think anyways. Maybe all of them were jerks and you didn't want to dance with them anyways.
I've spent a long time pushing myself away from worrying about what others think. It's been liberating and amazing. If I had been in that situation I would've danced my heart out by myself.
Hey ChickieBoom, I feel your pain. I have the same problem and I agree that it can make you feel terrible, but I'm afraid it's the truth: men go for thin women (in a dance partner; I have had a few good relationships so obviously it's different if you get a chance to get to know someone, luckily!).
I know a woman who is a fabulous dancer; she's quite proficient in almost any dance style, takes lessons in new styles almost every day, and goes to events almost ever free night. She truly is the best dancer around and everyone knew it. Still she is now on IP because she felt she couldn't get as many dance partners because she was fat. It's the ugly truth.
Luckily in my experience and as thewalrus has also suggested, it's mainly limited to dancing.. I may not get as many guys flirting with me as my skinny friends, I do get SOME attention. So don't let it get to you. They're just silly creatures.
Men can be such fools sometimes. I'm so sorry you were hurt but don't let those jerks get you down. Keep on keepin' on, you'll find that special dance partner soon enough!
And you know, this experience is actually a blessing in disguise. Up until a few years ago I was thin. Tall and thin. So many people used to ask if I modeled. I remember getting hit on left and right, no matter what night of the week I went out. And I'll admit, that fed my ego in the worst way. There were so many times I walked out of the house so cocky and full of myself. But all the guys at the club or bar or office or beach or whereever that hit on me... Well, pretty much all of them were shallow a**holes. And even though they lavished all this attention on me in public, as soon as they got my attention, most of them were total jerks. The best guys I went out with were guys who liked me when I had a little bit of pudge. They weren't looking for the hottest girl in the club or just someone they could brag to their friends about. I have such a bad taste in my mouth for meeting dudes in bars or clubs now because of that. It's easy to look back and see things for what it is, how much jerks I wasted time on, how much I was a jerk and invited that kind of attention..... Just look at it as this was your way of weeding out the jerks. You don't want a guy who goes to clubs to pick up women anyway. Most aren't looking at you as a person. And even if they did pay you attention, it wouldn't be the type of attention you'd want.
You know what? I have an idea and I have done this before and I get a real kick out of it. When I was over 200 lbs, I would be ignored to when I went out. But when I hit my all time low of 160, I got a lot of attention from people and I was like WTF!! So instead of lavishing in the fact that I was now getting attention from these a$$hats I decided to shoot them down in the most "you just kicked my puppy" way possible. It made me feel better and also kept my ego in check.
I go Salsa dancing too. I noticed that I wasn't asked to dance at first but I think it is more a function of skill than size. My second outing, I went early enough for the lessons so I had a chance to meet & mingle with other beginners and we understood the skill level and had a chance to get to know each other. When the real dancing began, the beginners kind of stuck together and the more advanced dancers stuck together. I even found myself avoiding the less experienced dancers and it had nothing at all to do with looks/size etc. It was about who would make my time on the floor most enjoyable. The next time I went out and didn't get asked to dance within a reasonable amount of time so I danced with my female cousin. Soon after, I was asked to dance by an intermediate dancer. Then after dancing with him I was asked by a more advanced dancer. There were dancers of all shapes and sizes on the floor. There are Salsa meetup groups in D.C. that go out dancing every week look them up and try them.
Last edited by ImImportant; 11-20-2012 at 11:03 AM.
Lakilaulea - I'm right there with you. I was never model thin but I maintainned a weight of about 150 until 2005 when I started gaining a ludicrous amount of weight really quickly. I was also used to a lot of attention so when I got bigger, I took myself out of the equation because I knew that it wouldn't be like it was. I also stopped taking great care of myself. I didn't put as much effort into how I looked when I went out. Saturday night was the first time that I actually was excited to be out so maybe it was a little bit of a bubble burst in that sense.
ImImportant - You might just be right. I was a mess on the dance floor! LOL...I'm not good at getting complex steps and we got there too late for the lessons. I definitely didn't look like I knew what to do out there and I was quite off beat part of the time. But there were also some girls who looked like they were having seizures on the dance floor and some of the men didn't seem to mind so it might just be a combination of both!
I think it's important for me to go out and do stuff because it's what I want to do and have a good time no matter what's going on around me. I wish that I hadn't let all that stuff get into my head and make me want to leave.
Not Getting Picked
