[novangel]

**Whine Warning**

My money/job situation is secure and BF's isn't since the economy tanked in 2008.

Edited because problem resolved!!

[MissSMcC]

No real advice to give you but sending you some love

[electrongirl]

If I had have judged my now hubby on his employment situation when we first met, I wouldn't be married to him now.

He was unemployed when we met online, having been laid off the month before. Now I am just speaking from my point of view, not judging you or anything, but to me, who my husband is as a person is way more important to me than how much money he makes.

After many years of moving across the world twice, dealing with immigration costs in 2 countries (10's of thousands of dollars) we are BROKE! He works very hard but doesn't make a ton of money and he wants me to stay home so he can see me more.

I would prefer to be poor and have him than be rich and unhappy without him.

I know it's different for everyone and everyone has different priorities in life. Just stating mine.

I guess what you need to do is work out what is more important to you. And act accordingly.

[Vex]

I'm actually on your side with not letting him move in. I can completely understand not wanting to support another person.

Given that, let's try to look into the future. Construction can be an iffy job all together, regardless of the economy. Let's say he gets a great job tomorrow, has it for a few years and everything works out for you. What happens then if the same situation would occur? Would you kick him out? I know it's a tough question.

Is he willing to do other things aside from construction?

[penmage]

I don't really have any advice, but I have hugs!

I completely understand where you're coming from- both being adults, you should be able, generally, to support yourself. You already have a child to support.

Would he be willing to go back to school and take a few courses in something else? If construction isn't providing any jobs, it may be worth looking into a different field.

Whatever you decide to do, we're here for you!

[novangel]

Originally Posted by electrongirl

If I had have judged my now hubby on his employment situation when we first met, I wouldn't be married to him now.

He was unemployed when we met online, having been laid off the month before. Now I am just speaking from my point of view, not judging you or anything, but to me, who my husband is as a person is way more important to me than how much money he makes.

After many years of moving across the world twice, dealing with immigration costs in 2 countries (10's of thousands of dollars) we are BROKE! He works very hard but doesn't make a ton of money and he wants me to stay home so he can see me more.

I would prefer to be poor and have him than be rich and unhappy without him.

I know it's different for everyone and everyone has different priorities in life. Just stating mine.

I guess what you need to do is work out what is more important to you. And act accordingly.

I hear you. I don't need to be rich but I don't want to be poor either or support another person when I'm already a single mom, KWIM?.. But yes it's the person that matters most, I agree.

He's going through a staffing agency looking for other types of work until union construction picks back up someday. I'll be praying...

Thanks for letting me vent, everyone.

[LockItUp]

I get where you are coming from!!! My DH got laid off August 2009, just 3 months after our first baby was born. He was able to get a part time job within about 2 months, but basically didn't look anymore after that. I think he was depressed, and I'm sure seeing all that we built as a family crumble around us took a HUGE toll on him as well. We were in a financial disaster, behind in all of our bills including our mortgage, had to declare bankruptcy, and literally a week before our home went into foreclosure we got approved for a loan modification so thankfully our home was saved. It took until just this past January before he actually started looking for full time work for REAL, not just half-butted like he had been. He found a job within a month.

I never considered leaving my DH, not even for a second (for richer or poorer, I take my vows very seriously), but it put a HUGE strain on our relationship for a long time. It was by far the toughest thing we had been through as a couple in our almost 9 years together. The stress it caused me took a toll on me emotionally, spiritually, and even physically and drove a wedge between us during that time.

No, money isn't everything, but financial stress is just about the worst thing that can happen in a relationship (aside from abuse and infidelities, of course). I'm totally on your side as far as not letting him move in! He does need to get his stuff together before fully coming into your and your son's lives!

[caryesings]

Almost 2 years ago, at age 51 I finally met the love of my life. But he's a skilled tradesman working through staffing agencies so work is always temporary. So money/financial stability is always hanging over our head. I wouldn't trade him for a more financially stable guy, but it does put a strain on things.

No advice, just sympathy.

[carbstart]

I'm coming from the other side. I couldn't find a job after 2009, tried graduate school, quit, and did internships for a year. I felt like a failure and I'm pretty sure my now fiancé was worried about if I could stick to anything. Flash forward, I'm 6 weeks shy from graduating with my Masters from a different program and I'm actually getting job interviews! Let's hope this time around, the extra bit of education will help. My fiancé was patient with me for a couple years before I put my butt in gear. Follow your intuition and decide if he's the type of guy who will get his butt in gear too.

Note: I had some money saved so that wasn't the issue.

[Miko]

My good friend was in a similar situation many years ago. She was a divorced mom with a young son. She was working her *** off to make the mortgage payment and private school tuition for her son. Her boyfriend wasn't working but took care of all the domestics. He was a really nice guy, wonderful with her son, very kind to her. But she felt she was pulling all the financial weight and she was resentful. She hoped things would change, that he would see her struggling and come to the conclusion that he needed to help shoulder some of the burden. That’s what people do when they love you, right? She wanted a partner, someone she could rely on. In their situation, she wasn't confident that she could rely on him to make the right, honorable decision. Don't get me wrong, he made efforts to find work. In her opinion though, his efforts were half-hearted.

Finally, she gave him a deadline to get a full-time job, go back to school full-time, or have a nice life and God go with you. Long story short, he enrolled in nursing school and a few years later got his nursing degree. While attending school he got part-time jobs here and there. For her, that was acceptable. They ended up getting married, moving out of state, and have a beautiful baby girl. With his job and pay, she is now able to be a stay-at-home mom.

I guess I’m telling you this because you’re not alone. Your bf sounds like a really nice guy. Every relationship has its struggles and conpromises, life doesn’t necessarily work within our plans or timeframes. Hang in here and keep open communication with bf. Hugs!

[AdotJ]

I totally understand where you are coming from! Supporting yet another person is extremely difficult. But what if the tables were turned? What if he had a child and a job, and you had no job or children? What do you think he would do? Would he take you in?

If I were in your situation though, I wouldn't let him move in. What would he do all day? I would expect him to have some income :s Maybe that's selfish but it's reality... Times are difficult.

You could encourage him to try to find work in another field of employment.. retail or something...