[mimsyborogoves]

...don't hurt me, no more!

Don't you love that song? Lol, anyway, the point of that is this: I've never been in love before, so I don't really know what it is. I don't know the difference between infatuation and real, honest love. But I do know this: my boyfriend makes me happier than I've ever been with a man, and whenever I'm with him, everything that was wrong is then right. I don't stress about anything when I'm with him except that...well...

I want to tell him I love him. But it's really soon, and I've been telling myself that I want to wait for him to say it. And I don't want to mess this up. And I don't want to confuse love with infatuation. I know I have super strong feelings for him that only develop more and more every time I see him. But I don't know what to do with them. I don't know what to tell him, and I don't want to tell him before he's ready to be told.

WHAT DO I DO!

[Katbot24]

I'm torn here, you're right, it IS very soon and you, sweetie, are very young. Be careful with the word "love" it's like writing a cheque, you have to be prepared to cash it if you give it to someone. Saying "I love you" puts responsibilities on you that weren't there previously, you are entering a social contract and will be responsible for upholding your end of the bargain.

There's also the possibility of scaring him off, or at least causing friction among you if he's not ready for the "L" bomb.

I'm not saying you can't be in love, my fiancé and I dropped the "L" bomb three weeks in and now we're planning a life together. But, looking back we both had decided it was way too soon and that real love didn't come into play until many months later.

You've had some very high highs lately, with your weight loss and a new relationship. Enjoy that for now and the company of your man, without complicating your life and his with 3 little words that really can wait. If you have to ask "is the time right?" then it probably isn't.

[MedChick87]

I went through this dilemma myself with my bf. We had only been dating for a month or 2 when I genuinely started thinking that I might be in love. I didn't say anything though, partly b/c I didn't want to be the first one to say it, and partly b/c I felt it was too soon. It's easy to get caught up in the excitement of a new relationship with a great guy and mistake those feelings for love. I think you really have to know the person inside and out, flaws and all, before you can really be in love. Of course, the timing is going to be different for every relationship.

I don't think there's necessarily a "right" time to say I love you, but you definitely don't want to say it too soon and scare him off. How long have you guys been together? If it's only been a couple of months or less, I'd wait for a while and just enjoy being with him. Like Katbot mentioned, saying "I love you" can add responsibilities and a whole new level to the relationship that he may not be ready for. I think you'll both know when the time is right though. It sounds cliche, but it really was true for me. My bf said it about 5 months in during a really bittersweet, sentimental moment and honestly, it was perfect and I'm glad we didn't try to force it before that. You'll have that moment too!

[djs06]

I agree. Don't rush it! The right time will come and you'll know when it is.

[krampus]

If you're not 1000000000% sure it's Love with a capital L, hold off.

My boyfriend told me he loved me when he was half asleep, way before I reciprocated. It wasn't a big deal to me - I was just like "I'll get there" and a few weeks later I did.

[trancedreamer]

congrats! i've never had a bf or relationship before. (have tried dating many times in the past but just ended up w/ pervs). but when i do, i know that the whole "slow & steady wins the race" thing will apply to that situation, too.

best of luck!

[LockItUp]

If you really want to tell him how you feel, test the waters first by saying something like "I have very strong feelings for you" (which is true), and see how he reacts. That way you get to express your feelings without really getting into that dangerous L-word-too-soon category. Then he will know how you feel and maybe he will say it first!

[carbstart]

Originally Posted by LockItUp

If you really want to tell him how you feel, test the waters first by saying something like "I have very strong feelings for you" (which is true), and see how he reacts. That way you get to express your feelings without really getting into that dangerous L-word-too-soon category. Then he will know how you feel and maybe he will say it first!

I like this strategy too. I like saying, "I could see myself falling for you". My personal definition of knowing when infatuation has become love is when I know I'm wiling to make sacrifices in my life to be with that person.

I said I love you first to my fiancé three months in. He followed up a month later. It was perfect and genuine on both sides.

[novangel]

I love that song! Sorry I don't have any advice just wanted to get that out.

[electrongirl]

I have no advice because I am the kind of person who isn't afraid to say it. I have been rejected/shot down many times but I am an optimist and kept plugging away!

My heart is covered in many MANY scars but my husband is like my own personal heart surgeon who came along and fixed them right up.

And we told each other we loved each other before we even met.

I believe in going for it with love. With throwing caution to the wind, to following your heart. Because perhaps just maybe it will be the best thing you ever did. The worst that can happen is your heart will be broken for a little while, but it heals. It always heals.

I am a sappy, hopeless romantic who still believes in fairy tales. Cause I am living in one.

[Ciao]

the gentleman was the first one to tell me he loved me, even before we started going out. we had been best friends for a long time and he genuinely knew he loved me and kept trying to win me over so that i'd date him. haha.

but i'd wait a little while to tell him you love him. like the other ladies have said, drop little hints to make progress. see how he responds and take it from there.

[KateB]

Oh I remember the first time I told a boy, (Yes a boy, we were 15) that I loved him. It didn't go the way I thought it would, rthe way I wanted it to. he wasn't mean about it, in fact thinking back, he handled it very well, though I was still hurt.

That left me afraid to tell anyone (boyfriend) that I loved them. Fast forward four years from that starlit night when I was 15. I had been dating a great guy for about 4 months. Out of the blue he said we should break up, he loved me but if I didn't feel that way after all that time, I probably never would. I told him I did feel that way, but was afraid to speak up, because I didn't want to scare him off. After several hours of talking and lots of tears we broke up.

I don't regret either path I took with either relationship, even though I was hurt both times. I learned from both experiences.

I would say before you tell him you love him, think about how you want him to react, and how you will handle it if he doesn't respond the way you want.