I'm a 12-stepper - started out in Alanon due to alcoholism in my family of origin, then ended up in SAA for sex/relationship addiction issues. I've dabbled in OA as well.
Once in an Alanon meeting I heard someone say, "My life is like a Wack-a-Mole game - every time I get one problem handled, problems pop out somewhere else." She had compulsive sex, spending, and substance abuse issues, but I can really identify with the sentiment - mainly as it relates to sex and compulsive overeating.
I find that when I lose weight - as I've been doing - I am more attractive and I feel less in control of my sexuality... specifically, I feel less safe around men. My spare tire feels like a life preserver; it's sooo comforting to me - and I'm melting it away. I'm getting a lot more attention from the opposite sex, and I'm having to deal with all that.
Maybe you can tell I'm pretty aware of all of this, and I even know exactly why I'm like this (other childhood incidents which I truly have processed a great deal in recovery and in therapy). But knowing doesn't make the feelings disappear.
I suppose I need to get my butt to a meeting, but wanted to throw this out there and see if anyone has similar issues.
This one is always a touchy subject for so many of us. I know that I have used fat as a protection mechanism. When I lost a tremendous amount of weight, I felt like I was naked in a spotlight, so vulnerable.
Now aging is a factor I was not prepared to deal with. Losing a great deal of weight will not give me those same feelings or issues. So strange and now I regret losing so many years to obesity. Hope you find your meeting and answer!
I can definitely relate to this. I was almost happy to not get attention from men, asides from my boyfriend, when I gained weight two years ago. Now, I'm pregnant and I get even less attention, lol. But I'm determined to challenge that thought after my baby is born. I really need to be healthy and despite my worries about men, it's hurting me no matter what. I'm the one unhappy at the end of the day.
Sorry I'm rambling with no clear concise thoughts, but I do understand.
We can't make the feelings disapear and substances will make it feel like they're gone for a while but its our ability to cope with the feelings that needs to be tamed, I used to hate affirmations but sometimes I think there is a huge part of our brain that is completely stupid (feelings) and just doesnt listen and destroys us in the pursuit for relief or enjoyment and needs to be reminded like a child that there is a reason we can't do this because its not the kind of life that the other part of me wants.
It is deciding exactly what kind of life you want now, keep up the work on healing the hurt self and remind yourself as much as possible about that life you deserve to lead and take baby steps, the world outside of our own little self soothing bubble can seem scary and has hurt us before but we don't deserve to live in fear or with a life preserve that closes doors for us and puts our health risks through the roof. Make your environment as safe and healing as possible and then just go from there, one moment at a time, you're safe right now so allow yourself to feel safe, if you really don't then look at that feeling from a distance let it come and go.
This isnt as much as advice as it is my feelings, you're a strong person you will know what to do.
Addiction topic: sexuality and weight loss
