[smad11]

Hey Guys & Gals,

So once upon a time, I was in a bad relationship which in turn led to (I think) the bad relationship with food I have now. My significant other at the time would constantly tell me I needed to lose "a few" pounds (I was a size 4 at that point), and used to restrict my diet by abusing me emotionally (i.e. ignoring me or not talking to me or lecturing me when I ate something he didn't think I should have). The result was that I never ate what I wanted to when I was with him (which was often, we lived together for a time).

After we broke up, I started to eat everything I could and wanted to, and ballooned up to 195 pounds... I did gain some of that weight in the last few months of the relationship when I was most unhappy.

Currently I am doing the NROL for women, I go to the gym religiously 3 days a week, and really love it. The hard part is controlling what I put in my mouth. I have a really really hard time saying no to food. It's almost like I feel as though if I don't eat things when I have the chance, I'll never be able to - even though rationally I know I could eat whatever I want, whenever I want...

Has anyone else ever had a similar problem? Any tips for breaking past this barrier that's holding me back? I know so much about what it takes to eat healthy, I know what I should and shouldn't be eating, I just seem to have no willpower around food...

Thanks for your help guys I love this community!

[blondebombshell]

My ex used to make a list of foods that I could not eat and tape it to the refrigerator. That way, if I saw them in there- I would know they were from HIM ONLY. Not for me. And he made me keep a food diary during the day and would check it almost every night. He would pretend that he didnt know me in public or withhold sex as a punishment. We lived together as well. So. Believe me. I KNOW EXACTLY what you're talking about.

I have a severe mental block with calorie counting. I actually got into an argument with my Doctor... I actually raised my voice at him. My ex made me calorie count. I have an almost PTSD-like response when people ask me about calories or want me to list what I'm eating.

The best advice I can offer is... start making new memories. Food is a part of your life and always will be. Start making good memories and healthy associations with food. Instead of negative associations. Some days, the good days where I am feeling strong and motivated, I try and log what I eat. Some days. Its harder.

I dont believe in depriving myself of something that I want. And you shouldn't either. Its about moderation. Control is the real issue. He had control over you and your diet. Dont continue to give him that power. Take your power back! Try and be more conscious about what youre eating and WHY you are eating it. Are you hungry? Are you bored? Are you feeling some sort of heightened emotion? Maybe say "I will walk around the block and drink a glass of water. If I still feel like I NEED it afterwards... I will have a little."

Or something like that. Everyone is different and responds to different methods. Hang in there! You'll beat it!

[smad11]

Thanks blondebombshell,

Actually I've never considered before how much I hate counting calories, and why... my ex also bought me a calorie counting book etc. I think up until you mentioned it it's just been intrinsic that I hate it, I don't even think about it.

Anyway, I really appreciate your response... it's helpful to remember that I'm not the only one that's gone through a situation like this, and it's definitely doable to move past it