today i finally felt in control of my eating
for the first time in my life today, i finally felt like i was totally in control of my binge eating. not that it was easy. today was in fact, a terrible day. i got laid off from work, and my boss didnt even tell me, i had to find out from my replacement that was training that morning, (apparently my employer isnt willing to wait the 2 weeks until my semester is over and i can start working full time again...) so i got depressed. i sat at work and stared down a box of cookies for about 4 hours.
when i finally got off work, on my way home the car in front of me hit a cat and i could not stop the car before i hit the poor thing too, thank god i at least put it out of its misery. so i got a lot more depressed.
when i got home i was at my breaking point. i needed the comfort of food. i couldnt take my mind off of it. but i had still managed to keep under my 1800 calories for the day, and i didnt want to ruin that.
instead of binging, and going to bed feeling guilty i chugged a 5 hour energy, and went out for a walk (this was at 11pm btw, so you see how much motivation it took) i walked 3 miles, and jogged close to a mile. i was gone until almost 1am, thats a lot for my tubby butt! haha!
and now i am going to bed completely relieved of my stress, and with a smile on my face. the excercise did more for me then food ever could. i cant believe i never saw this before.
every day i feel just a little bit better about myself. even when the world is crumbling around me, the crisp night air, and the screaming coming from my muscles reminds me that i am achieving something wonderful.
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