I was super excited today to recieve my wedding photos...that was...until i looked at them..I looked at all the pictures and just about cried..not cried like "ah i look so beautiful and its so wonderful"..more like "oh my gosh i look horrific and awful and my double chin is so big it could sink a ship and i never want to look at them again". Im serious..it made me want to just cry..I had been battling eating disorder feelings the past few weeks and bouts of depression(im on depression meds just so ya know) and really feeling horrible about my body image and then i look at these photos and it makes me want to just starve myself..I mean..how can the happiest moment of your supposed life be the one you cant even bare to look at in photos..I dont even want to show my family...I feel horrible.
I struggle with those feelings, too. It's perfectly okay to have them, just understand that you are in charge of how you react to them. Choosing to starve yourself and be cruel to yourself after seeing those images is only going to cause your weight loss journey to be more difficult. Instead of thinking about how ugly you are, why don't you take a moment to say goodbye to that version of yourself. Think, "Wow, that's a lot of weight, but it's not going to be there for long." You may also find it helpful to take a walk or talk to a loved one to clear your mind. Whatever you do, don't use this as an excuse to belittle yourself or sabotage what you've been working so hard for.
Well first. Second, people who love you want to see your wedding pics. Think about it for just a second. Would you not want to see a loved one's wedding pics b/c they are at a heavier weight than they'd like? OF course not! Don't be down on yourself and hold back from people who love you b/c you don't like what weight you might be.
I was always nervous about seeing people after I'd gained so much weight. At times, I didn't want to be seen looking like that. All that really did was make me sad and want to eat. Treat yourself with kindness and let yourself receive the love that people have for you. I am sure you love many people who aren't at their ideal weight, just the same, they love you as well. Don't let all of that pass you by, life is too short.
If you really can't stand the pics, pick a fabulous gown for your first anniversary and have some 1st anniversary pictures done.
First of all, Were you smiling in your pictures? Focus on that. Focus on that happy feeling. When you exercise, picture your smile. Not your chin, not your arms, not anything that makes you sad. Just focus on the smile. Sounds cheesy, but it does help.
I struggle with depression as well and this is an 'exercise' of focusing on one happy feeling helps me when I'm at my worst. It was like torture at first, but as it helps, i enjoy it more & more.
now, your family LOVES you. let them enjoy your wedding pictures. you are NOT a tub of lard, I promise! You are a person that they love very much & are excited to see pictures of your happiest day.
I know it won't help you at all right now, but I used to work with a woman who didn't like her wedding pictures for different reasons (I think it was the dress) so a few years later she made her husband get dressed up, put on a dress she loved, and redid them.
Maybe you could make that an ultimate goal for your weight loss? It would give you something to focus on besides feeling awful about yourself in the moment, you know?
Either way, I can sympathize. I was really feeling good about being down 25 pounds until I saw pictures of myself recently. I wanted to cry and they weren't even special pictures, just a family vacation.
4star is right. The people who love you aren't looking at your weight; only you are. I understand how hard it is to see photos of yourself and not like what you see there. My sister was married last year. I was a bridesmaid and over 300 lbs. When I saw the photos I hated myself, even if everyone else commented and said how nice I looked.
Because your family and friends see you, how you look, every day. And to them you were beautiful. But we tend to see ourselves differently. When we look in the mirror, believe me, we are not seeing the whole truth. I avoid cameras because I can't stand looking at photos of myself. They tell too much truth.
I'm sure you were beautiful on your wedding day, to everyone around you. I understand your distress, but like another person said above, look at them fondly; remember how happy you were. But also resolve not to be that size again. Being that size is a part of your life you can now leave behind.
I know it won't help you at all right now, but I used to work with a woman who didn't like her wedding pictures for different reasons (I think it was the dress) so a few years later she made her husband get dressed up, put on a dress she loved, and redid them.
Maybe you could make that an ultimate goal for your weight loss? It would give you something to focus on besides feeling awful about yourself in the moment, you know?
Either way, I can sympathize. I was really feeling good about being down 25 pounds until I saw pictures of myself recently. I wanted to cry and they weren't even special pictures, just a family vacation.
I know it won't help you at all right now, but I used to work with a woman who didn't like her wedding pictures for different reasons (I think it was the dress) so a few years later she made her husband get dressed up, put on a dress she loved, and redid them.
Maybe you could make that an ultimate goal for your weight loss? It would give you something to focus on besides feeling awful about yourself in the moment, you know?
This is immediately what I thought of, too! I know that the wedding day is a huge deal for many people, but there's no reason you can't get dressed up and take a great set of pictures that celebrate your weight loss, renewed health and marriage all at the same time!
Hmm, honey if you want to talk about fat wedding pictures, I was 8months pregnant in mine and my ankles were swollen that day! But I was marrying the man I loved, I was surrounded by everyone who meant anything to me and I was blissfully happy.
When I got my wedding pictures back I couldn't believe how fat my face was (& my darn ankles). I actually asked some family members omg was I this big and they were like um, yeah. My point being, your family already accepts you for who you are & your husband LOVES you and married you double chin and all. I'm sure he loves those pictures and so should you. Weren't you the happiest that you had ever been? Well that's all that matters! I agree with the previous poster. Have a small gathering on your anniversary and take some more pics. ((hugs))
I was up closer to my heavier weights when married and it is definitely noticeable in my pictures, which made them hard to see for a lot of years. It was very disappointing when they came back and I didn't look in them how I saw myself and the day in my head.
But you know what? Now, sitting on a big weight loss and six years down the road from them, they make me smile! Yes, I was fat and my dress wasn't nearly as flattering as it could have been (bad style for my body, but I loved the look in theory ), but now I see how far I have come and how much better I look, as well as remembering the joy of the day and the time spent with friends and loved ones. That is so beautiful to me! And now, happily married and more deeply in love with my husband than ever - a man who loved me at my heaviest and now, at my lightest - they symbolize triumph, unity, and the best decision I have ever made!
I have also considered retaking my pictures with a different dress or a fancy photo session and I may still do it yet, but that desire is fading big time. It's just not important to me anymore, how I looked on my wedding day. That was a day in time, in my past, and I can't control it. What I CAN control is how every picture hereafter captures me - if it is a bad picture, it will be because of the angle or photography, because I am working every day at achieving and maintaining a fit and heathy body
Turn it around, sweetie. You can choose to put the pictures away for a few years (I did!) and might feel better about them then, or you can use them as motivation on your mirror to help you focus in on your goals for your body. But either way, your weight doesn't change the beauty of your marriage on that day, and all it symbolized. Don't let your weight ruin that for you!
Just to show you I've been there, here's a candid of me with my now-husband right before the ceremony. Contrast it with my avatar:
Being fat then didn't keep me from being happy, and it didnt dictate the rest of my body image future (obviously). You can improve and change, and your wedding was LOVELY. I bet you were stunning, and everyone there loves you and only noticed your beautiful smile and dress, not any weight. The people who care about us aren't nearly so critical as we are of ourselves.
Last edited by Arctic Mama; 04-15-2012 at 11:32 PM.
I was an 80's size 16 (about 175) when I got married and remember looking at my weddings pics for the first time and thinking OMG I'm a FAT bride. THEN, 18 years down the road looking at them, (at 300+ pounds) thinking OMG, I looked so thin...lol! But now I look at them, (we just celebrated our 23rd anniv on Easter) and think...WOW, look how far we have come.
Anyway, you will cherish your pictures down the road eventually, and when the dress and hairstyle are out of style, you will still smile because you'll be with the man you love.
Ah I didn't like my wedding pictures at first either (then I gained a ton after having my daughter and I thought I looked great in them!). However, I've lost much more now than where I was at my wedding and I do have some regrets that I wasn't in better shape at the wedding (and I didn't understand my body type better than and pick out a better dress accordingly). That being said, those pictures depict one of the happiest days of my life. Lots of good memories and I LOOK happy in them so that's the big thing.
Have you ever heard of Trash the Dress? Basically well after your wedding you go out on a photoshoot with a photographer and take pictures around a city or one a beach, etc. I'd love to do this once all my weight is off. I doubt my wedding dress will still fit but I could at least buy a nice white dress that won't break the bank (I really like this one, for instance) and then go do this. Maybe something for a major anniversary?
Maybe you should use this for motivation. I have a cousin - she and her husband were both considered obese when they got married & she also hated her pics. They spent a year losing weight together, [which also made them closer], and renewed their vows the following year. They hired a photographer and I think she had her original dress taken in about 6 sizes or so and he rented a new suit.
She loves her original photos now b/c they remind her of her special day, but she loves the new photos b/c of how she looks. I suggest you use this as motivation. You can still make a change.
There is NOTHING you can do about the photos - the day has passed- you were the weight you were, but you can do something about the future.
[However, I think ALL brides look beautiful on their wedding day no matter what the size so I'm sure you did too but I completely understand your own personal feeling on how you looked.] Good luck.
i was going to suggest the same thing - wait for a significant anniversay and renew your vows. i think vow renewal ceremonies are even more significant than weddings for the simple reason that when you first get married, you don't know what you're getting into.
with vow renewal, you have a very clear picture what you're in for and you're still doing it again!
and look at it this way: the first wedding pictures, you're big and YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED. think about that - me, i was slim when i got married both times and neither time involved a "wedding"; it was 15min in the registry office with a couple of clerks and the next couple in line as witnesses. regardless of your size, all those ppl came to witness and celebrate and your husband didn't run away screaming from the altar and i'm darned sure you had a wonderful wonderful wedding.
in the vow renewal ceremonies, you're slim and beaming - this is your husband's chance to smirk at all his man friends (you know - the ones who refuse to go home with less than an 8?) and point out that he knows a quality woman when he sees one and this is what happens when you treat her right! and all those ppl are going to come to the ceremony and the women will be digging their husbands in the ribs saying "see? you see how that woman is smiling?" and the men will all be "damn... so that woman i treated so poorly because of her size could've wound up looking like that!??" and your husband will be strutting like a peacock the whole time.
really, i'm thinking it's win all around.
Last edited by threenorns; 04-16-2012 at 09:08 AM.
How's this for a fun idea? Once you get down to goal...and if you decide to renew your vows...come in wearing your old gown...but underneath you have on a new skinnier gown to compliment your NEW weight. At first, people will think you are weird, but once you get to the alter, let the old dress slip off and let everybody see you the NEW YOU! Talk about starting a new life. Almost like something you would see in a commercial.
What a motivation to see the look on everybody's faces...including your husbands.
Just want to cry...i look like a tub of lard.
Second, people who love you want to see your wedding pics. Think about it for just a second. Would you not want to see a loved one's wedding pics b/c they are at a heavier weight than they'd like? OF course not! Don't be down on yourself and hold back from people who love you b/c you don't like what weight you might be. 
), but now I see how far I have come and how much better I look, as well as remembering the joy of the day and the time spent with friends and loved ones. That is so beautiful to me! And now, happily married and more deeply in love with my husband than ever - a man who loved me at my heaviest and now, at my lightest - they symbolize triumph, unity, and the best decision I have ever made!
