[mariposssa]

A life changing defining moment...like you hit bottom and something happened that made you say, "I am NEVER going to be that person, again?"

I had my moment about 6 weeks ago. It wasn't a great moment...but it did move me to never want to look like that again. For me, it was watching some old videos of Christmas and my youngest son's birthday. Hubby transferred them from VHS to digital. I don't think I had ever seen them before and it was just not good. The sad thing is that I can look at the clothes I was wearing and know that I am bigger now. It was definitely not my highest weight. It was just ugly and uncomfortable. Every time I noticed that my husband would put the camera on me I'd get this deer in headlights kind of look because I was not, AM not comfortable in my own skin and I didn't want to be on the camera.

The video was long and I actually cried. Not the happy tears of remembering good family times. More like disgusted and unhappy with myself tears.

Did you have a moment? What was your rock bottom moment?

[LockItUp]

I've been having these moments a lot lately, but the one that got me started was about 3 weeks ago. I stepped on the scale and had gained 12 pounds since I had stopped breastfeeding. That's 12 pounds in 2 months! My newly bought size 18s (never had bought that big a size before) were too tight to wear so I was wearing my maternity pants again. I've lost 10 of that 12 now so my jeans fit again thank goodness, but that really hit me hard that 3 months after having my son I was creeping back up towards my highest pregnancy weight, that was unacceptable to me.

THEN, last Saturday I took ALL my measurements and took some pictures. I cried a lot after that. Like I am under no false assumptions that I am small, but I guess I just didn't realize how big I really am. Hard reality to face, but one I needed.

[twinieten]

I can't say it was one moment. It was many small moments building up.

I refused to have my picture taken. Those I allowed found me positioned behind my children in hopes it would hide my girth. In 2 years, I probably allowed 2 pictures to be taken. How about that panic that you might end up in a picture because you attend a camera worth event? OMG! Then it was the purchase of size 16 shorts because I needed to have something nice to wear. The largest I have been, ever.

Still, it was a couple more months before I found motivation to change.

Standing on the scale for the first time was hard. I surpassed 200 without being pregnant. I still have not fully accepted how big I was. I took "before" pictures that I still have not seen. When I reach my goal, I'll look.

[Elladorine]

One of my big moments was going shopping with a friend that was also plus-sized, and us looking though the jeans, probably at Fashion Bug. She was pulling some left and right to try on, and I . . . well, I wasn't. I don't remember all of that day clearly anymore, but at some point I realized that there was not one pair of jeans in the entire store that would even begin to fit me. And to realize that I was too big even for the plus sizes? That hit me pretty hard.

I excused myself and went to one of the bigger stores to find the restroom so I had a place to hide in for crying. And I could not stop. I eventually had to come out and face my friend and explain why I was still crying.

Just how on earth did I let that happen? Was I in that much denial? Was I that out of tune with my body? I probably lived in stretch pants for at least a year, and I guess they kind of grew right along with me.

Soon after I had that same friend take my "before" photos, and used the scale at work to weigh myself. And I got myself in gear. It's been a very long, bumpy road since then, but I've lost over 100 pounds since. I'd like to lose about that much more. I still have the occasional defining moments, but that was my first major one.