Depression and Weight Issues Have you been diagnosed with depression, are possibly on depression medication, and find it affects your weight loss efforts? Post here for support!

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Old 04-03-2012, 11:30 PM   #1  
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Default Counselor said some hurtful things

I don't come here often, so much going on, and coming here is a reminder of not living up to past goals, but I am trying again so have been reading some posts.

I am an older woman (55), in school, was required by voc rehab to have counseling on campus because of depression/anxiety etc. I saw the same woman for months and months and I kind of got the feeling she was very "skinny focused" based on some comments here and there that were a little snarky. I thought though that we had established some guidelines and some trust, and mentioned a couple of months ago about stress eating, about how if I am eating I am not thinking about some hard things in my life, etc. It was strange there were things she didn't seem to want to let me talk about, like needing an interview suit, changing the subject after I told her I had finally got a suit etc, but the real kicker was a few weeks ago. She suddenly started looking at her notes, acting all official (she acted this way a few times while I was seeing her, suddenly interested in her notes, then would ask something that was a little mean sounding), so she checks her notes, asks "how are things with your middle son?" I answer, kind of confused "I don't know, he won't talk to me", then asks "how are things with the food, OH, I don't mean are eating ENOUGH, but how are you eating?" I answer "OK, kind of afraid of getting all ocd about food and dieting again" she said "oh, don't think of it like that, just eat so you don't have to go out and buy all new clothes" , I answered that I had had to buy pants a while back, (bigger), and really felt like I had been sucker punched. Here, this woman, a professional, who knows of my depression, anxiety, that I have support system, have been living without a car in an apartment complex surrounded by people who sometimes keep me up late with their talking right outside my window, 55 years old, taking 18 credit hours in a difficult course of study, and have recently learned my youngest son is schizophrenic, and I had been so worried about the career fair, the interviewing process at this age, looking too old and fat to get hired, and she says that.
So after a few days of feeling even worse, I called to request a new counselor. She emailed me wanting to know why so she could be a better counselor in the future, and god help me, I told her that what she said was out of line, hurtful, was really awful to hear two weeks before the career fair, and I asked that she not respond because it was too much like other people I have known (abusive) that I should have gotten away from and called her a weight ****.
I thought I had to continue counseling for voc rehab, said I only wanted the minimum number of times per month to satisfy that requirement, and today, weeks later, had my first meeting with the new counselor. I dreaded going. this new counselor wanted to talk about the previous counselor, I said no, she said it was "required" to have one last meeting with a counselor when someone wanted to switch, I said "no", she was kind of mean, said the other woman was her friend, that she read the email I sent and was afraid I would attack her. I asked if she knew what had happened, she said "NO", she asked what I wanted out of counseling, I told her I only wanted to fulfill voc rehab requirements, she said in a snotty way "you only have to do that for 6 months, which you have already done". I said OH, great, and got up to leave.

I feel sucker punched a second time, I didn't need to go, it was as if her agenda was to be snotty about what I wrote to "her friend".

Sorry to go on and on, it just seems that weight is one of the last things that people feel ok to demean other people about, I swear if I had a problem with drinking, a counselor wouldn't make a crack about not drinking so much you pass out on the floor, but it's ok if the person's issue is about food.

Just venting, like I said, no support system, that damned counselor was the closest thing to support I had. If anyone reads this ridiculously long post, thanks, it feels better just to get it out.

Oh, after my email to the first counselor, in which I requested she not respond, she responded with NO APOLOGY, but said she was devastated, and not really that kind of person, that she valued me, that it was unintentional but mostly about her feelings asking for a meeting, but it sounded like she was expecting ME to make HER feel better, so it seemed like yet another insult.
Oh, well, enough ranting
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Old 04-04-2012, 12:39 PM   #2  
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lol Well, there is one thing you've got going for you--you're going to school for a better job. I bet your new career will be better than "vocational therapist." Sometimes a little one-up-man-ship is good for the soul.

Also, I feel your pain. A lot of stupid (usually 20/30-something) women will claim they think someone "attacked" them when all they did was say something they didn't like in a confident manner. The only job I've ever been fired from was a part-time tutoring position at a high school. In one of my classrooms, the math teacher was so afraid to make her students behave that she let them get up and wander around while she was lecturing. She even let one kid drum loudly on his desk throughout her lessons. I told him to stop, and LO AND BEHOLD he stopped. Didn't do it again while I was still there. But she reported my telling him that to my supervisor, who said I'd offended someone but wouldn't tell me what I'd done or whom I'd wronged. I asked each of the teachers I worked with if I'd offended them, and none of them said anything. When I asked this girl, she didn't say anything. But then I was fired, this time with specifics because I was told I'd "attacked" this teacher. I don't recall when it became acceptable practice to classify a humble apology as an attack, but what I learned from that is this: a lot of women may have jobs but they're insecure. When encountering a confident woman, they are intimidated and lash out passive-aggressively. Your therapist was probably intimidated by you--because your life is tougher than hers and you're still going to college on top of taking care of a family. Maybe you sounded smarter than she did.

Last edited by QueenofThorn; 04-04-2012 at 12:41 PM.
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Old 04-04-2012, 02:32 PM   #3  
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Wow, I'm really sorry you had to go through something painful like that in what should have been a safe zone.

Both of those women sound like they need some additional education on how to approach difficult subjects with their clients. IMO, they both behaved in an inappropriate way with you.

(Hugs)
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Old 04-04-2012, 02:56 PM   #4  
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hmmm. what she said was unprofessional, and I think her sharing your email with the other counselor shows how unprofessional she is. I thought when you go to a counselor your sessions and what you talk about are required to be kept private?

atleast you don't have to go to them anymore and if you need still need therapy for your anxiety you can go and pick your counselor instead of going to the ones voc rehab makes you go to.
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Old 04-04-2012, 03:02 PM   #5  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ringmaster View Post
hmmm. what she said was unprofessional, and I think her sharing your email with the other counselor shows how unprofessional she is. I thought when you go to a counselor your sessions and what you talk about are required to be kept private?
This. I'd report both of them to their supervisor.
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Old 04-04-2012, 04:03 PM   #6  
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gonnadoit, once I saw your Marilyn Vos Savant sig line, i remembered you :hugs:

I am so sorry you had your trust violated by that very unprofessional, insecure and snarky 'counselor'. I'm so glad though that you did communicate your feelings to her. I don't like the second counselor, either

big congrats to you for your school and work load, and trying so hard to make things better for you. And really sorry to hear about the diagnosis for your son..as if you didn't have enough to deal with.

please know that you can always, always come here for support !
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Old 04-04-2012, 06:20 PM   #7  
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I am so sorry to hear about all you are going through. You must be a strong woman to deal with all of that. I agree with another poster, report BOTH of them to their supervisors. Confidentiality is paramount in that type of profession. I am shocked that they would share an email about you. I have had counselors in the past say similar things to me, and I know how much it hurts. But just know that THEY are in the wrong, and acted very unprofessionally. Hope things get easier for you!
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Old 04-04-2012, 08:03 PM   #8  
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Wow, I should have known the lovely people on here would take the time to read that book of a post. Thank you all so much! You have no idea what it means to me,(or maybe you do!)
Update, I sent an email to the man who runs the department with suggestions, including the counselors might benefit from reading the code of ethics. I also requested the notes made by the first counselor. His response included information on the form to request the notes (kind of iffy under HIPAA getting "therapists' notes) and that I could come see him, make an appointment. Covering each other, no doubt.


Again, thank you all so much, sometimes I think that those of us who have weight issues, or food issues are somehow more sensitive human beings. This site sure supports that premise. Hugs to you all!!!!!!
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Old 04-04-2012, 08:36 PM   #9  
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Kudos to you for walking out of there and being the bigger person. Those 2 counselors sound like immature children! I would without a doubt report them to their supervisor and explain that you feel your privacy was violated. It may not be against HIPAA but AI would bring up what was shared. I would have done the same thing (switched, then left the second one). I understand that she may be 'concerned about your health' but there are much better ways to focus on it than what she said/did. I really feel for you. Only 1 time in my life did I have a counselor that 'got me' and when she quit they assigned me one that I did not click with, so I quit going-it really set me back. Try to find a new counselor that you jive with.
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Old 04-04-2012, 09:29 PM   #10  
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Thanks, Tiff. Other things about the first counselor are coming back to me, how she would make a face if I mentioned my bad knee, how she refused to discuss interviewing, needing to get a suit, even how she checked the label of my raincoat and said "OOH, that's a good brand". She talked some about her wine drinking, needing to cut back etc, so she no doubt had her own mess of demons to deal with. I won't find another counselor, small town, only one other place I can go and it's one of those sliding scale places that make you wait for 3 hours, I went once and got the scoop from others in the waiting room. I am my best support system, I have been the support system for others, now am trying hard to treat myself as well as I treated others, and it seems to be working. Being pissed off and saying "no more" to anyone who wants to be mean is helping too! I sometimes wonder if it has been depression in my life, or maybe just not getting the **** away from the sucky people I have known!!
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Old 04-05-2012, 01:47 PM   #11  
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Oh wow, what a couple of jerks!

I've known some counselors personally and seriously, what a mess some of them are! While I'm sure it is not true across the board, many get into counseling because their lives are screwed up.

I have a PhD in research psychology so I may be a little biased, but I've seen the personal lives of those on the clinical/counseling side and it can be scary. I T.A.d for a couple of instructors whose main jobs were as counselors. One of them was okay, the other was not a nice lady at all. She was just mean to random people she would encounter! She was mean to me and complained that I did a bad job grading for her, when I had never had any other complaints from any other supervisor ever!

I now work for a school district, I do a lot of surveys and do some testing. Usually I get nice requests to help people with something, but not when I deal with the school counselors! They just demand that I print and process their surveys for them, not a please or a thank you. If they request (I'm sorry, I mean demand) that I get them something by say, Wednesday and I haven't gotten it to them yet on Tuesday, they get on my case and act like I'm doing them this major disservice.

Sorry for going off on my own little rant, I just wanted to say that you probably do not need to take anything the counselor said to you personally. I know that can't take away the pain she caused, but maybe it can give you just a little perspective.

I am glad you told their supervisor. If I were in your situation, I would even consider going over his head to someone not in that department. I would guess you are not the first person to have problems with the counselors, and I would also guess the department head is aware of these problems but has failed to do anything about it.
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Old 04-05-2012, 02:55 PM   #12  
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That's absolutely uncalled for! It sounds like the first therapist was probably taking out her own issues on you and that the second one was a snarky gossip girl. As someone who studied psychology in college, I can vouch for the fact that (1) not all professionals in the field act, well, professionally, and (2) not all methods used are good and if the person who licensed some of the professionals could see their methods, they would be out of a job. That is definitely NOT how any person should act in their place of work or how any human being should talk to another. I really wouldn't think too much about for the reasons above. You came to fill a requirement, yes, but I'm sure you were also expecting some kind of support. I really hope that you have some other people in your life that you feel are supporting you, as your situation sounds quite stressful! You're definitely a super hero in my eyes, for having the courage to do something brand new, overcoming depression and anxiety in order to make things happen for yourself! I really wish you luck on the new career! Keep us posted on how it's going!
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Old 04-05-2012, 03:22 PM   #13  
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I agree with ErBear, not all people in the mental health field act like that. You should NOT have been put through that. I know I am studying psychology with a minor in human development and family studies. There are real professionals out there who can give you and your entire family the help that they might need. Food is an addiction, and it is just as hard to battle as anything else. But at the same thing, therapy should go along the path that the client needs it to. Weight is sensitive. It's there and visible and everyone around an overweight person can see that they are struggling. That's hard enough. Mental health professionals are just like any other. For example, any doctor I go to refuses to think that anything health related (even a common cold) has to do with my weight. Even my gynecologist (when getting a routine yearly check up) has discussed my weight WHILE being doing the exam!!! So, with that said, you were incredibly unlucky in the fact that you were assigned a couple of insensitive individuals who needs to rethink the reasons that they joined the mental health field. You're not alone. And you deserve better!
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Old 04-05-2012, 11:58 PM   #14  
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I have to say how shocked I am to hear all these things!!! I am studying Psychology right now and my dream is to become certified to do counselling...to help people...to make their lives better and the world a better place one person at a time. I just don't understand why someone would be mean to someone who came to them for HELP!!!! I am simply stunned that you have to go through that Gonna... I am so sorry that you were exposed to that...you did exactly the right thing! Don't give up on the help that you need...that lets the mean girls win...find someone who listens and cares...I know there has to be more people that feel the way that I do.

Hugs!!! Big hugs!!!!

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Old 04-06-2012, 12:35 AM   #15  
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The dreaded sliding fee scale counselors.... ugh, I know EXACTLY what you're talking about -the been there, done that. Totally miserable. Do you have an friend to rely on for support? I am so thankful for my boyfriend and 2I close friends- though they can't always fill in the gaps they do help. *hugs* my grandmother has schizophrenia, I really feel for you and your son... that is a very difficult disorder for the person who has it and their family. Medication helped my grandmother, when she took it. I hope things get better. By the way, what a very strange comment for a counselor to make about the brand of raincoat! and the avoidance of health and life issues(interviews) makes no sense.
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