What does this mean? How should I handle this? (boyfriend problems)
I know this is for weight loss things, and support.
I'm just having a bit of a problem.
I guess I should explain why I'm not a fan of this ex-girlfriend of his.
Around Christmas time, I went to my grandparents for a night. Everything was all hunky dory, til I get a text message from my boyfriends phone and it was his ex girlfriend. She was at his house, my boyfriend was drunk from a night out of ice fishing. She was saying how she was over there and all this and that, being really rude to me. I never responded to the text tho I wanted to ... believe me. I also wanted to drive over to his house, I hate being in any type of drama. So I didn't do anything til the next day. I went over to his house, comes down to nothing happened I was drunk, and he pointed at the pool table and said this is why she was over, and I'm not sure why she even texted you or how she got to my phone. But this is why she was here( now I had already seen this CHRISTMAS PRESENT on the pool table when I walked in, just wanted to see if he would tell me or hide it) it was a picture of him and her in a snow flake ordiment for the tree, it was cute I can say I was jealous that I didnt come up with it.But it had her in it and not me. lol But I tossed it in the garbage... and that was that. I find it a month later hiden in the couch. I tossed it away agian. this time I didnt say anything to him...I just popped it into the garbage and that was that. So now that I have ranted on and on about this girl who doenst get the hint. and I KNOW he had a conversation about us to here otherwise how would she know I was his girlfriend she got jealous and texted me that nasty text. NOW whos the jealous one. hahaha. She must have been really pissed off that he was moving on bc they use to be on and off girlfriend and boyfriend. she was a compleate drunk and he got sick and left after several warnings. his girl doesnt get the hint that were are in a strong relationship, she use to call all the time and text him for fathers day, valentines day, any holiday. I know she hasnt texted him lately bc he is open about that kind of stuff, he trusts me. But I'm thinking I over react towards this girl,I have never spoke a word to her and I try my hardest to stay out of the drama.
Today we were cleaning out the garage, and I came across this little box full of junk papers or old checks, in a bigger bin, that was in with all the hockey skates. THERE WAS A PICK OF HIM AND HERE! yes, it was a different one. But I knew exacly who it was and all. But I asked him "This is a cute frame but whos in the pic with you." he goes "maybe my son".. I say "no, its a girl", he says "well let me see, Oh thats R******* ... ugh like no tone in his voice, just says her name. And goes back to doing what he was doing. That pic is bothering me. It's still sitting there. I want it gone. but am i just being immature about this or do i have the right to want it gone? some one please give me some advice I dont really have a great family to turn to. This is my only support system besides my Boyfreind.
So you found a picture of him and his girlfriend... in a box.. in the garage and your are jealous? Sorry, it is just kind of hard to read your message and I just want to make sure I am understanding correctly.
People come with baggage. People come with history. You can't just expect that history to vanish and those memories to fade. I love pictures. I have pictures from all times in my life and NO ONE could tell me to get rid of those pictures just because they have someone they don't like in them. Who cares about a picture in a box in a garage! Now if it was hanging above his bed, then yes I would ask for it to be MOVED to the garage (not thrown out, you have NO say in him throwing pictures out).... but just as long as its tucked away then who cares?
The bigger issue is him hanging out with a girl who is so immature to text you. I am all fine with people talking to their exes, however, it needs to be when both have moved on. She is still clearly attracted to him and out to get him back, so I don't think it would be out of line to ask them he limits contact with her until she moves on and grows up a bit.
So you found a picture of him and his girlfriend... in a box.. in the garage and your are jealous? Sorry, it is just kind of hard to read your message and I just want to make sure I am understanding correctly.
People come with baggage. People come with history. You can't just expect that history to vanish and those memories to fade. I love pictures. I have pictures from all times in my life and NO ONE could tell me to get rid of those pictures just because they have someone they don't like in them. Who cares about a picture in a box in a garage! Now if it was hanging above his bed, then yes I would ask for it to be MOVED to the garage (not thrown out, you have NO say in him throwing pictures out).... but just as long as its tucked away then who cares?
The bigger issue is him hanging out with a girl who is so immature to text you. I am all fine with people talking to their exes, however, it needs to be when both have moved on. She is still clearly attracted to him and out to get him back, so I don't think it would be out of line to ask them he limits contact with her until she moves on and grows up a bit.
No im not jealous. I was over the little gift bc it was a cute idea ...
Well thanks for your advice, So you think I'm over reacting.
I don't have any pics like that, nor do I keep them if an ex broke up with me. I toss them out. So thats why I was asking
I can completely understand the gift jealously. Exes don't give exes pictures of them together .... that's just odd. Even if they are still friends, unless it was a recent picture that they just took while hiking or something, then it does over step boundaries.
Seems to me that there is a lot of drinking going on here, you said"boyfriend was drunk" and you said " I was drunk", people who are drunk don't usually make sensible decisions. You have no right to throw out his possesions no matter who gave them to him or who is in the picture.
I can completely understand the gift jealously. Exes don't give exes pictures of them together .... that's just odd. Even if they are still friends, unless it was a recent picture that they just took while hiking or something, then it does over step boundaries.
No, it was a pic of him putting an arm around her at some house or restuant.
Seems to me that there is a lot of drinking going on here, you said"boyfriend was drunk" and you said " I was drunk", people who are drunk don't usually make sensible decisions. You have no right to throw out his possesions no matter who gave them to him or who is in the picture.
haha no must of been a typo, I dont really drink. but yes he was drunk, and this ex of his IS a drunk.
he told me I could toss it in the garbage, but they confusing part of this situation, is I found it in the couch hidden.
I left the other picture alone, just put some winter jacket over it.
Hang on a second. You threw out the photograph of him and her that she gave him for Christmas, then later found it again, hidden?
Sounds like he's not over her, and he's not being completely honest with you. I'd kick him to the curb stat.
I'm sorry that he's your only support system, but you have someone else that you should always be able to trust to do the best thing for you: yourself. Right now, you're staying with this guy, who clearly has some emotional investment in someone else, because you're afraid you will have no one if you don't have him. You're wrong. You have yourself. By keeping him around and believing that your emotional wellbeing is dependent on him, you're the one preventing yourself from having healthy relationships with yourself and with others.
I can completely understand the gift jealously. Exes don't give exes pictures of them together .... that's just odd. Even if they are still friends, unless it was a recent picture that they just took while hiking or something, then it does over step boundaries.
They also arn't really friends anymore, he doens't speek to her anymore.
unless its behide my back, thats still hard sense we live together.
you'd be surprised how easy it is for housemates to not have a clue what's going on.
i lived with a guy for 8 years - come to find out he had a piece on the side the entire time. he was with her before me - he told me he was single, i certainly had no clue otherwise - and he was with her after me. far as i know, they're still together and his wife doesn't know, nor does his gf's husband.
let's be honest, nobody here or anywhere else can tell you what to do. my whatever-he-is today (the guy i live with, my daughter's father, yes, very complicated situation) has pictures of his ex all over the place but they were married for 16 years before he found out about all her affairs and the shoplifting. there's boxes and boxes and boxes of pictures - doesn't bother me because they are the King and Queen of drama (he and i might be Married with Children but he and she? War of the Roses all the way).
but you need to sit yourself down and listen to that little voice that's knocking at the back door of your consciousness and you need to have an honest chat with yourself.
ARE you getting what you need out of this relationship?
do you feel secure?
does he meet your needs emotionally, mentally, physically, and so on?
can you see yourself being with him five years from now if he was still exactly the same as he is now?
if you walked in and found him and his ex sitting together on the couch, what would be your first instinct, even before you said anything?
don't tell me the answers - i don't really need to know - but tell yourself the answer to these and other questions.
Maybe the fact that you don't want to make a drama of it is making it worse for you. In a relationship you should be able to talk about things with your bf, over and o er agin if neccessary.
I do agre with those who are telling you that he's probbably not over his ex yet. Would like to add that most probba ly he won't be any time soon and you should get out because eventually he will only hurt your self esteem! (been there)
I have a few things that I want to give you advice on.
1. It's wrong of you to throw out something that isn't yours. If you had a big problem with the ornament, then tell him "I'm a bit uncomfortable you're getting a present like this from your ex girlfriend." And then go from there. Communicate! That is the key to a successful relationship. But it's just wrong to go behind his back and throw it. I would be super p!ssed off if my boyfriend did that and didn't discuss it with me first.
2. The text thing was super weird - again, just talk to him about it. As for your stance on not wanting to get involved in drama, you're going to have to many times in your life. Don't create drama, but don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and speak your mind.
3. The box in the garage? That was nothing. It's in storage, it's in the garage. It's not like it's in his room or in his wallet. I have pictures of my ex boyfriend, but just because YOU would throw everything away relating to a previous relationship doesn't mean everyone else has to - and it's wrong to expect him to be like you.
4. Overall I think you just need to sit down and talk to him maturely. You don't need to flip out, you don't need to get personal and say how much of a b!tch you think his ex is, you just need to say "I'm a bit concerned about your relationship with your ex" and then give him the examples and then go from there.
It just seems like you're a bit timid in standing up to him, when you shouldn't be. You shouldn't be afraid to speak your mind to anyone. Just make sure you don't flip out, be calm and just get the answers you need. If he avoids you after you try this way, then reconsider if you want to be with someone like him. He might be hiding things from you but he also might be willing to see things from your perspective and change. You just won't know until you communicate.
I would be irritated by the fact the two of them were together. They were together, right? That doesn't seem normal.
As for a picture in a garage, I don't see that as a big deal. I still have pictures of me and my ex from 11 years ago. I'm not throwing them out. That was a big part of my life and I see no reason I have to trash all of it just because I'm married now. I've been with my husband for 11 years, married 6 and I'm fairly certain he couldn't care less than I've got a picture of my ex boyfriend in a box in the basement.
Throwing away his things repeatedly is not your place. Now, the fact they were drunk and hanging out together is the real issue.
What does this mean? How should I handle this? (boyfriend problems)
