Now that I've qualified it, here's the deal. I've been on my weight loss journey for almost a year. I chose to do it healthy this time, so the loss has been average but steady. However (and here's the immature part)....
Several of my friends and family have said that I inspired them and started their own journeys. And they are doing really great and look WONDERFUL. The problem is that now I feel upset/angry/childish because I wanted to do this by myself and wanted to be first to reach goal.
My sister is included in this group. One of my goals is to be smaller than my gorgeous big sister. Why? Don't know. Even as I approach my 40s with 3 kids, I still feel like the frumpy little sister that my sister has to drag around all the time. Our roles are still stuck in childhood....I mean she still insists on paying for my popcorn at the movies (that's after she checks to make sure I'm not hungry or cold or uncomfortable 50 times. She still buys me my favorite "special" candy as well). My sister always made excuses for me. When I was a 22, she always told me I was "different" from other bigger girls and didn't look sloppy. She always told me I had great style and would buy me "cute" clothes in my size so that I looked nice. She did so much to build me up then and now. I love her dearly and she is amazing. However, my mom told me that she is probably the smallest she's been since High School. While I should be happy, I feel like a little kid because I wanted to do this by myself. I wanted to reach goal first.....I keep imagining walking with her on our sister vacation to PA this year and actually feeling good about the way I look and not having her constantly trying to make me feel good.
I know this is immature but I want to yell to everyone....You already look amazing, give someone else a chance.
Okay, had to release it. Now, I will put back on my rational self and really thank God that the people I love so much are getting healthier and supporting me so wonderfully. I know a lot of people would die for that. Just had to release it....I feel better now.
I just have to say - your sister sounds like an absolute doll. Buying your popcorn, cute clothes, telling you how good you looked even when heavy... I want one like that!
But I can understand how you want to be the one 'in the limelight' after all your hard work, and how if others start with much less to lose, it's pretty easy to end up smaller than you. But looking at your stats, you're a SIZE 14 REGULAR!!! You're doing AMAZINGLY WELL and no matter what, you're going to be one of the ones looking awesome at the reunion later this year!!! You probably do already, even if you didn't lose a single pound until then!! So hold your chin up... you're already there! The rest is just gravy from here...
Those feelings will only subside if you keep doing your thing in spite of what others are doing. Don't let your family's weight loss efforts deter you from completing your own journey, because their progress in no way negates yours. I think most people are inherently somewhat competitive and could relate to how you feel about this situation. But soon enough you will be at goal, as will your sister, and you can both go out and look great together!
I have an older sister who is constantly trying to compete with me over weight (which is silly because she's middle aged and has had two children, while I'm 25), and whenever she sees me I know she is sizing me up and feeling bitter. It has caused her to try some pretty dangerous fad diets and generally feel bad about herself in times when she should feel good about her own accomplishments... so whatever you do, don't let yourself fall into that trap! Everyone's body is different but no one body type is the best. Try to relax and have confidence in yourself that you look just as good as your sister, even if you are not currently at a comparable size. I'm not trying to invalidate how you feel, because honestly I would probably feel somewhat the same in your situation, but just realize that as long as your relationship dynamic is stuck in childhood mode as you said, you're going to have this frustration. It's pure sibling rivalry, and I think it's present in every family.
I love that you realize that your instictive feelings about this are immature. I strongly feel that when we have such negative thoughts, we shouldn't just go with them but, rather, counter it with more rational, positive thoughts. I think too often in our society, we go with what we feel rather than realizing that we can actually change what we think if we don't let our emotions rule us. KUDOS TO YOU for realizing how unproductive your initial emotions about this are.
I'm sort of on the other side of the equation you described, and believe me, it ain't great on this end either. I have an older sister who has busted her butt exercising intensely for years. She really tries to eat well, too (although we both struggle with that). She has definitely lost weight, especially during the last year or so. She has built plenty of muscle and looks great. However, I just started in June 2011, and by November I was already below my goal weight. Although I know that she doesn't want me to be fat and miserable, she has expressed some bitterness over the fact that I'm now a smaller size than she is and it took me only six months to get there. On my end, I almost feel guilty about that. But there's nothing I can do about it (other than fail, and I'm not willing to do that).
I think it's natural to have some sibling rivalry and to want to show your sister and the rest of your family that you can do this alone, so don't beat yourself up too much. Just realize, though, that you are blessed with an awesome family and that soon, you'll all be a healthy, awesome family!
I think it's perfectly normal to feel that way. In a perfect world, you'd already be skinny or you'd be over the moon that your already amazing sister reached her goal first. whatever. We all have these thoughts inside our head, but the key here is to not let it show be just as supportive as they are, but keep on striving for your success! Glad you are able to vent to someone!
Hah! Ya know, I felt something very similar this past summer when we took a family vacation (husband's family). The last time I saw these people together was 2008 when I was at my highest weight (230). I was about 180 at the time of this vacation and I found out a few weeks prior my brother-in-law had been losing weight, too. The childish part of myself immediately thought, "Dangit! I want to be the transformed person this year!" - I'd worked so hard and I needed a little validation.
Turns out everyone noticed and congratulated me and my brother-in-law was probably my biggest cheerleader (and again later when I saw him at Christmas). Made me feel like a heel.
It's just human nature - their success is separate from your success and on top of that, you are the impetus behind their changes - so be proud! You are the positive change right now - and that's amazing!
I know the feeling. A couple of my friends are doing the weight loss thing--one's a guy and one's a girl. The guy's progress doesn't bother me, but for some reason the girl's does. She started off weighing way less than me, and constantly dumped on herself over her weight. Then she started following the same plan I am, and she started losing similarly. For a couple of weeks, I was really super jealous, though I hid it. Now she's stalled out, and I feel bad for being jealous earlier.
We're all allowed to have emotions. It's how we act on 'em that matters, anyway. You're definitely not alone, though. Take their emulation of you as validation that you're doing awesomely!
Petty, immature rant....
