New to dating--Body hygiene & more for bigger girls
I'm sort of seeing a guy, and I am SO self conscious.
Darkness between thighs, and under armpits-- I've been using a honey/lemon scrub anywhere from once to twice a week to help rid this problem. I've heard it works wonder, but I don't think I've been using it long enough to see any results.
Saggy boobs, stretch marks, and "little zits" under the breasts?--I'm only 22 and my boobs look horrific. I've been taking baths with olive oil, and cocoa butter with some pure aloe vera in it...I hear it helps heal the skin. I'm not expecting any miracles, but any improvement would be fantastic. I'm trying to wear a bra, either a sports bra or a wire, to bed now. I'm a stomach sleeper and I think I'm stretching the ligaments in my boobs beyond the point of return at night.
As for the little zits, has anyone else experienced this? The skin FEELS bumpy. When I hold up a x3 mirror I can see a bunch of little bumps. If I tweeze them, little white strings come out. It's not hair, it's obviously some sort of...sebum or something. I've been using body scrub to help get rid of it, but so far nothing miraculous.
Now...sex-related questions.
Is there anything I, a complete virgin and a bigger girl, might be missing before having sex? Hygiene wise? I want to make sure there's nothing really surprising...down there or anywhere...
shaving for example. I shave below the knee normally. If I'm going to start seeing a guy/jhaving sex, I'm going to start shaving above it. I don't know about the rest of you, but I've got that really awesome (sarcasm) "where does the butt begin and the legs end" kind of butt. So how do I make sure I don't miss a spot? :/ My body hair is very light in color and texture, but right above my knees on the sides, and on the undersides of my thighs, I have some random, oddly long hairs. What if I miss one of those and he sees it and is like, "whoa nelly what is THAT!"
I'm just...scared. Please give me any tips for hiding/disguising fat during sex/blowjobs, body hygiene, etc. Please! Even if it seems miniscule. I've NEVER dated or had ANY kind of sex! I'm starting at square 1.
I had to log in and answer your question because I've SOOO been there.
First of all, grats on your new dating life!
As far as the dark areas of skin go, I wouldn't worry about it too terribly much. Hopefully by the time he's in a position to see them he will be thinking about other things besides "hmm, her armpit skin is slightly darker than the rest of her skin..." If it's really super dark and bothering you a lot, maybe schedule a dermatologist appointment and see if the doc can give you anything to help that problem.
saggy boobs and stretch marks: I feel you there. My boobs really only look good in excessively supportive bras, and when the bra comes off they droop and just sort of look... sad. Again though, if the guy you are with is worth your time, he will understand that your "battle scars" (that's what I call mine) are a fairly normal part of most women's bodies. Not much you can do about either of these in a short amount of time unfortunately.
I also know what you mean about the little zits. I don't have many but I do occasionally get one or two. I actually use a blackhead facial cleanser (it's CVS brand but I think it's based off of Clean & Clear's daily facial cleanser for blackheads) and it works pretty well for me. If that doesn't work, dab a touch of concealer on them when you know your boyfriend will be in the vicinity and, again, try not to worry about it too much.
Shaving: I can't really speak to what other women do, but when I'm nervous about missing a spot, I generally shave a couple days before a date and then again the morning of the date. I figure it would be a lot harder to miss the same spot twice. I don't know if you're planning on shaving any of your lady parts (bikini line, etc), but if you do, I would save that until the morning of your date, as opposed to the early leg shave. The reason for that being that I tend to give myself razor burn like crazy - the day I shave it's super smooth, but then the next couple days I see some annoying red bumps.
Other hygiene: shower, deodorant. light spritz of perfume if that's your thing. Honestly (I may just be jaded) I worry much more about the GUY'S hygiene these days. Yuck! Lol.
Also, I may be projecting a bit of myself onto you but I have to say it just in case you are like me (your eagerness to please him and self consciousness about your body made me think of this, so dismiss it if I'm totally off base): don't think that because you are inexperienced that you owe him anything or that you have to do something with him because you won't get the chance again for a long time. It took me too long to learn that lesson.
Anyway, I hope some of that helped! Have fun and play safe.
First of all, congratulations on your new love interest. I wouldn't be too concerned about what you look like; most women have body issues and worry, 'he will be grossed out', but most men are so thrilled to be doing the deed they don't really notice anything. If you are very self-concious, perhaps keep on a gauzy nightie, keep the lights off and try to relax. I'm not one for shaving above the knees, and really, why bother? Men don't notice a whole lot in general and if he does notice one long hair, really, it's not that bad. But, if you really want to make an effort, perhaps book in to a beautician and have them give you a leg wax and a tidy up of the bikini line. Have a long scented bath before his arrival, so you'll be fresh and smelling pretty, slip into something sexy and just go with the flow.
Good for you! I hope to be dating in the near future, I havent dated in about 10 yrs and Im only 32 (yikes). One question, whats the breakdown for the honey/lemon scrub? I have the darkness in the inner thigh and Id like to give it a shot. Thanks!
Good for you! I hope to be dating in the near future, I havent dated in about 10 yrs and Im only 32 (yikes). One question, whats the breakdown for the honey/lemon scrub? I have the darkness in the inner thigh and Id like to give it a shot. Thanks!
I'm sure there's an actual equation to it, but I just wing it. I just use a small bowl, toss in some lemon juice and honey. I've microwaved it once so far, but the other times I haven't. I also hear that lemon slices work fantastic too. I just use the bottled stuff. Even though I don't measure anything out, I found this. Give it a try and let me know how it goes
1 way.
Get one teaspoon of milk powder, lemon juice, honey and half teaspoon of almond oil. Mix these together and apply on the inner thigh to help lighten it. (I don't use the almond oil or milk powder, but occasionally do use EVOO with it)
I leave it on for a while, then scrub it really hard with those scrubby gloves. Then I reapply and let it sit for another 10-15 min, then rinse.
2nd way.
Mix lemon juice with olive oil and massage this on the affected areas for around 5 minutes. Leave it for an hour before washing.
and apparently there's one where you use the juice from a potato to help bleach the skin. I'm going to give this one a try. Couldn't hurt.
Darkness between thighs, and under armpits-
There's not much that I've found that gets rid of this, I've always been big and always had it. Mine is noticeable, but not bad, and no man has ever remarked on it.
Saggy boobs, stretch marks, and "little zits" under the breasts?--
I'm sure your boobs aren't really that bad. Anyway, most men are so happy to be seeing boobs that they aren't concerned with the imperfections. If he has a problem with your boobs, he's not worth your time. Wired bras are bad to sleep in. You need to be able to rest your boobs! If you must, get either a 'leisure bra' or a cami with built in shelf bra for sleeping.
As for the little zits, has anyone else experienced this?
Use acne wash like for your face on the underside of your breasts every time you shower. It helps a lot to minimize this. Don't pick or squeeze, they can get worse and develop painful deep sores. (I've been there!) Try to minimize skin on skin contact between your breasts and abdomen. Light application of baby powder will help. Also, treat your bras like panties and wear fresh ones daily.
Now...sex-related questions.
I use Summers Eve feminine wipes. They come in 16 count individually wrapped packs as well as a 32 count tub like baby wipes and they're flushable. I always use them to freshen up my lady parts before sex, and even under my breasts, any where there may be some sweatiness. They're also great to use during your period. You can also use them to clean your face or whatever if you're traveling. Don't be tempted to use douche.
shaving for example.
If the hair on your thighs is light in color and texture, just leave it. Do a spot check for the 'weird' hairs when you shave and get rid of those. As for the bikini area, use a beard trimmer (get one for cheap at Walmart or Target for $10-15) and do a nice clean trim job. Shaving just begs for trouble in that area.
I'm just...scared.
Buy yourself a couple cute nighties that are short, like just barely past your butt. If the neck opening is big enough, it will allow plenty of access without actually revealing your tummy. If they're silky, all the better. You can keep it on the whole time. I've been with my husband 10 years and I still pull this trick. Also, keep a hair clip or a hair tie on the nightstand so you can quickly put your hair back if you're going down. Turn the lights down, but don't let it be too dark to see. Also, don't count on him to have condoms. Buy your own and keep them in your purse, nightstand, etc. Also buy some lube. Any of the KY liquids (not gel!) are OK. Better ones can be ordered online or bought at adult shops.
I just had to come on here to give you hugs because I could have written almost the same thing at one point. I don't have much experience in this area, but I do know how you feel
If you find that you're starting to get intimate, share your feelings with your guy (not EVERYTHING of course, but just that you're a bit insecure/nervous and that you're a virgin) any decent guy will help you relax.
Oh and chances are your guy will not really be all that into the specifics of your body he'll probably be more interested in the fact that there is a woman in bed who wants to sleep with him.
My body is riddled with stretch marks, my breasts are not the perkiest for a 23 year old and I have extra skin...and my fiance can't keep his hands off me, lol!!
First and foremost....he's not going to be paying attention to minor imperfections. He's going to be allowed to touch boobs. Nothing else matters. If it does, then he is so clearly not worth your time that I can't even begin to describe it.
I would keep doing what you're doing as far as trying to remedy the "problems" you listed. Oatmeal soap is my personal miracle...that and a nice exfoliating wash cloth helps (in my experience) with weird body bumps. I pretty much use it exclusively now because I don't like harsher soaps anyway and, topped with a nice in scented lotion, I think my skin is lovely (weird splotchy parts and all!)
With the dark areas...I've never really had any experience, but if you've read good things about what you're doing then keep it up.
Now with sex. Is really all personal.
I used to not shave, then I did for a while, and now I only do on special occassions and even then it's mostly just a trim. I liked shaving when I was younger because its trendy or whatever and it felt "clean" but these days I'm not too worried about it. If you're nt sure then thats always a discussion you can have with your partner about his preference vs your preference and give it a go if you want to after that. As for not missing a spot...let me know when you figure it out because I miss a spot every time! And so far in my life, no man has noticed.
As for hiding fat during sex/blow jobs. Like everyone said, little nighties work at shielding you and they can be very sexy. For BJs you can remain fully clothed, so that hides a lot! Dim the lights if you want. But really, if you are being intimate with this guy, you do want it to be someone who makes you feel beautiful and as comfortable as possible in your own skin. ThE first time you have sex it's going to be awkward and painful and not very good no matter what you do so don't be discouraged. Practice makes perfect and you'll figure out what feels best for you as far as what to/not to wear, shaving, lights on/off, etc. it's a highly personal experience so what we say here and what works for you may differ greatly.
Darkness between the thighs? Does it feel chapped and is it itchy once in a while? To my embarrassment, I was very concerned about this too. It is caused by dampness between the creases of your thigh. This is very common in heavier people. I found a treatment on the internet that worked very well. Use an antibacterial soap like Dial. Dry thoroughly and every evening for a week or two, use an antifungal cream that you can pick up at a pharmacy (contains clotrimazole). The redness went away within 7 to 10 days. I continue using Dial soap and make sure that I keep the area dry. No more redness! The official condition is called Tinea Cruris.
@seaurchin hm...no, it doesn't. It just looks darker. If I were to lay down and open my legs (not a sight you'd want to seeLOL) you can clearly see where the inner thighs just get a little darker than the rest of the skin.
Now, that lovely little area of skin right above the mons pubis (covered by the even lovlier tummy flap) sometimes gets itchy and irritated (especially after shaving), so I use baby powder.
Thank you guys soo much for all your comments. I was expecting to come back and find a bunch of, "get over it, baby!" posts lol.
The guy already knows I'm a virgin and that I'm not so happy about my body, but I am eating better and exercising again to help remedy this, along with all my skin remedies and such. I just feel bad. I don't expect to have sex with him for at least a month or two (vaginal sex I mean), but I also dont' want the poor guy to have to wait 6months from now when I (hopefully) feel more confident, y'know?
Also, BananaMontana, I lol'd so hard when I read this: "He's going to be allowed to touch boobs. Nothing else matters. " LOL! So true...he's seen mine once already, and seemed to like them, so I guess you're right. I was straight-backing it pretty bad though lol
The guy can wait as long as he has to. You have sex when you feel comfortable with it. At some point when you two have spent enough time together you will feel comfortable enough to have sex, probably regardless of weight loss. You'll realize that he's not judging you negatively because he cares about you and you might still want to dim the light (much to my husband's disappointment, I will do this from time to time if I'm having a poor self confidence day). It is a good thing (I think!) that you've been able to talk to him about feeling insecure and nervous because communication like that is important.
And nobody should tell you to just get over it! The first time you have sex can be kinda scary and weird. Every woman here who has done it before knows that and as such should be nice about it
I know every situation is different, but what would you guys consider a reasonable time to make him wait? A month? Two? As it is, he's busy so we don't get to see each other very often, and the other day was our first time alone. We're normally with a group of friends.
I'm trying not to feel like I OWE him anything for making him wait, but at the same time, even the nicest guys have a limit, and I don't want to make him become uninterested because he doesn't think he'll EVER get any
It's not about making him wait...It's about when you're ready. If you're ready, then go ahead, have fun! If you're not then he has to wait.
I don't think there is a reasonable amount of time when it comes to how you feel.
My fiance and I? We're both still virgins We actually weren't ready until a while ago (but still about 2 years into our relationship) but we have no privacy anywhere, LOL. When we did have the chance, well our newbieness sort of stopped us. I won't really go into details, haha.
He's still stuck around and I was ready before he was. He wasn't ready and I told him that I would wait until he was because I love him and care for him. I wasn't going to push him into doing something he didn't want to do. When I wasn't ready he also respected that.
Wait at least until after you have a couple real dates with just you and him. Sometimes people are a lot different alone vs with a group of friends. After those dates before you start thinking about when the big night might be. Move at a pace you're comfortable with.
"Saggy boobs, stretch marks, and "little zits" under the breasts?--I'm only 22 and my boobs look horrific. I've been taking baths with olive oil, and cocoa butter with some pure aloe vera in it...I hear it helps heal the skin."
I'm 24 and I have a DD and a C boob and they look terrible, but if you find the right man, he will love you regardless. My boyfriend could care less about my old stretchmarks and my boob size difference. As for the little bumps, lotion, lotion, lotion. Find something moisturizing that smells good and make sure you're drinking plenty of water. I've never had this problem, but I'd imagine those two should make them go away, you may have to go see a dermatologist to see what it actually is.
"Is there anything I, a complete virgin and a bigger girl, might be missing before having sex? Hygiene wise?"
I know a lot of women (and usually they're small women too) who use deodorant on the inside of their thighs to make it smell good. I personally use baby wipes every single time I go to the bathroom and have since I was a teenager just to feel clean all the time.
As for shaving above your knee on your legs, I would absolutely not shave above your knee if your hair is light. I have only shaved above the knee maybe 5 times (I found it a real pain the a$$ to have to shave that much every single time) and you cannot tell I have hair on my upper legs at all because it's never had the chance to get dark because I never shave it. You really can't notice it and it stays smooth and soft. Men NEVER notice it.
As for sex hurting the first time, everyone is different. I am one of the lucky few women that never bled or had any pain during sex. It's going to be awkward at first, but you'll get your groove after awhile. Every time with a new partner will be a little different too, just depends on each individual person.
New to dating--Body hygiene & more for bigger girls
he'll probably be more interested in the fact that there is a woman in bed who wants to sleep with him. 
