I've come to the realization that I built a life based on insecurities. they've been dictating what I feel I deserve in life. So many missed opportunities, so many regrets. so many decisions made with a heavy heart because of a heavy body. I think my greatest fear at the moment is losing this weight and realizing that it doesn't matter, there's no turning back, the damages are done and irreparable. I may be able to reverse what I've done to my body but unless losing weight gives me super powers to turn back time I'm still going to be stuck in the life of fat me, of the me that believed I was worthless. I loathe self-pity and it embarrasses me to express myself this way even with this shield of anonymity, but I don't know where else to unleash this sorrow that's been lingering inside of me for weeks now. with this emptiness has come an unexpected resolve, or maybe it's the other way around, I can't exactly put my finger on which came first. all i know is that my heart feels empty, and my stomach has been keeping it company. for the first time ever my despair has brought indifference for food instead of making it a passion to replace what was lacking. so maybe I don't need a therapist to tell me that perhaps turning 24 in a few days is weighing on me heavier than I ever thought a birthday could. 24 years of confusion and unrelenting feelings of inadequacy tainting most of life, my memories. I am committed to change in hopes that change will bring about change, if that makes sense to anyone but me. the ball has to start rolling somewhere, I can only hope that things will maybe fall into place, putting me in a better one. i originally began writing this just for myself, but decided that maybe some other lonely soul could possibly be feeling like I do at the moment and could find comfort in knowing they weren't alone, i know i would. thanks for "listening" 3fc.
I can tell that you are feeling old right now. I think it might make you feel better if you shift your perspective a little--at least I hope so!
24 is not old, and your life has not passed you by. You have barely embarked on adulthood. From your post, you feel the need to make some changes, and be assured that you have the time and ability to make them.
If you are having trouble figuring out what and how much you should be eating, there are plenty of resources that can guide you. Going by whether you feel like eating or not is sometimes not the best way. It might be good to consult with a registered dietitian who can help you devise a personalized plan, one that will give you good nutrition and at the same time lead to weight loss.
Above all, don't let yourself dwell in the land of Poor Me. That gets you nowhere.
And, happy birthday. No matter how harshly you are judging yourself right now, you are still alive. That's a good thing!
I'll be turning 24 in about two months and I've been overweight my entire life. I only got to goal about two months ago so I know how you feel.
There were so many missed opportunities for me too, so many times when I said "well I can't do that, I'm fat." I often wonder what my life would have been like had I been thin for all of it. Would I be a different person?
But we can't just sit around and wonder You can't change the past no matter how hard you wish you could. What you CAN do is move forward and live your life. The past is written, but the future is a blank page! Don't let your past dictate what kind of person you turn into.
Do you need to be thin to enjoy life? No, you don't...in college I learned to love myself and enjoy my life. I had amazing experiences and met wonderful people (including the guy I'm marrying ) and it didn't matter that I was fat while I was doing it.
So start living like the person you want to be! Don't wait until you're at goal, just keep going forward and enjoy yourself. Learn to love who you are and realize that you're worth everything in the world and that being thin won't make you happy—living up to your full potential will make you happy
Good luck with everything, if you need someone to talk to who understands, feel free to PM me
So many missed opportunities, so many regrets. so many decisions made with a heavy heart because of a heavy body.
I can't tell you how many times I think that myself. I'm 25 and sometimes I feel ancient, but I have to just remind myself that there really is a lot of living left in our lives. The thing that's motivating me right now is looking forward to the things I will do when I have lost my weight and when I've reached my goals. At the same time, we can't let it hinder us presently. Of course for me, this is the pot calling the kettle black... I wish you the best of luck though and just know that you've got people rooting for you!
Oh boy, I totally understand. And I am by no means diminishing your feelings but being that I was 38 when I started my journey after being very overweight since my early 20's, I'd have given my right arm to have started earlier. I missed out on being able to wear age appropriate clothing. Can I tell you how much I would kill to be able to get my belly button peirced and show it off with a half shirt? LOL But yeah, being 39 now.....don't think so!
But seriously.... do not wait another minute beginning your journey! Your feelings about it will not change the older you get. I promise you that this time next year, with hard work and dedication, you'll be feeling so much better. And you may struggle emotionally sometimes as your body warps and changes for the better but those days will be few and far between. You will change as your body does. You'll find that failing is more scary than succeeding.
I spent a good deal of my early 30s slightly obese according to BMI charts, and I even though I have a very loving husband, I let my weight stop me from doing a lot of things. I am, at 38, just starting to learn to love myself no matter what the scale says (and it is bouncing around the same 2 pounds for a month now). I am still overweight, but I am so much stronger than before. I run, I eat more fruit and veggies, and I can play with my son for hours without getting winded, three things I could not say last year at this time when I weighed 217.
Just start doing what you need to do. I'd made up my mind last May to get myselkf in order, and I got started by jogging with my dogs every day and joining WW. I felt like a blubbery fool those first few weeks of runnign through the neighborhood, but that was my past insecurities talking. I had to keep reminding myself that if anyone laughs at me, they can go eff-off because I am doing something good for myself and it didn't matter what they thought.
At that time, I could only run about 1/4 mile before getting seriously winded, but now I do 4 miles every day and it feels great. I wear a size 12 pant and 14 dress, and am almost in a 10 pant (hoping to get there by the end of Feb or eearly March). I feel sexier for my husband and started initiating things more (something I didn't feel like doing at all when I was bigger). I planned hiking and kayaking for our vacation instead of which buffets and restaurants I needed to hit. It really is very liberating.
You will never feel badly about trying your best. And if you fall, just pick yourself up and keep going. I've fallen the past few weeks - eating more subs for lunch and skipping the nightly runs a few times a week, but I won't make myself feel badly. I am just going to move forward. No point in lamenting the past - you can't do a damn thing baout it.
So I wrote a long post filled with thank yous and what nots, and some extra dramas... it disappeared, lol. Anyway, I don't have time or energy to rewrite everything at the moment just wanted to say thank you for all the positivity and that this morning after reading these posts I felt much better...
Heaviness
You can't change the past no matter how hard you wish you could. What you CAN do is move forward and live your life. The past is written, but the future is a blank page! Don't let your past dictate what kind of person you turn into. 
) and it didn't matter that I was fat while I was doing it. 
